Confessions Of The Thirteenth Nobody
by SoraPsycho
Summary: It's just the coolest game show on the internet! Hosted by none other that Me, Kassie, and you guessed it, the Thirteenth Nobody. M to be on the safe side!
1. My Show, My Rules!

Disclaimer: I don't blah, blah, something or other...you wanna read the story yet? 'Cause you can... anyday now... I'm just wasting your time...just like Re: Chain of Memories...You know I'm just stalling you right? You do realize that this text was created purely to distract you from the story, don't you? Are you still reading this?

"Hello everyone, welcome to Confessions Of The Thirteenth nobody! I'm Jenna!" I announced proudly.

"And I'm Kassie" My perky friend shouted. Just then, a blonde nobody came flying at us and clumsily bumped Kassie and I out of the spotlight.

"And I'm Roxas!" The obnoxious boy stated. I sat up after having the wind knocked out of me and rubbed my head.

"Man Roxas, what's your deal?" I asked.

"My show, I can do whatever I want." He answered.

"It's not your show." I argued.

"Yes it is," He said. "It's named after me, therefore, it is, my show."

"He does have a point." Kassie agreed. I scoffed at her in disbelief.

"Not helping!" I yelled. She looked away sheepishly.

"See? It _is_ my show, AND I'M THE STAR!" He squealed in delight, blowing kisses to the audience.

"Okay," I started. "First of all, it's _still_ **not your show**. Second, you're ONE of the stars."

"Shall we introduce the others to our lovely studio audience?" Kassie asked. The audience clapped and cheered; it consisted of all our friends and family.

"We shall Kassandra, we shall." I agreed. Kassie gave a loud whistle that signaled our special guests to enter the studio. And just on que, the other 13 members of the Organization, Namine, the Destiny Island kids, and Ventus, Terra, Aqua, and Vanitas walked onto the set.

"What are we all doing here?" Vanitas asked, already annoyed. Kassie, Roxas and I exachanged evil glances.

"We're going to play a little game." I announced suspiciously. All our contestants looked frightened.

"This game is called Confessions Of The Thirteenth Nobody." Kassie told the guests, who, at this point, were shitless.

"H-h-how does this...'game' work?" Sora asked me with those adorable puppy dog eyes.

"Oh don't worry Sora, there's only a 50% chance that you'll get hurt." I assured him.

"What happened to the other 50%?" Roxas whispered to me. I shrugged.

"Who knows?" I whispered back to him.

"The game works like this. We have our audience (A/N:This means all you guys reading.) read and review each chapter and ask embarrassing questions and confessions and stuff like that. It's almost like a giant game of truth or dare." Kassie explained.

They took in a big sigh of relief...of course, that is, before I told them the other news.

"But, " I said. "You must answer all questions, and you can refuse no confession!"

"Ugh!" Larxene growled.

"Any comment Larxene?" I questioned. She didn't answer, so I continued.

"Alright everyone, please take your seat." Roxas politely instructed. It was shocking prior to earlier bumping events I found a place on the sofa next to my co-hosts. Sora looked at me and smiled; I slid over and patted the spot on the couch next to me and he took his seat.

"First thing's first," I said. "We'll do a little practice... just to make sure we all know what we're doing here, kay?" All contestants shrugged. "So let's start asking questions."

"Okay, fine, if you insist, I'll go first." Roxas stepped up willingly. I looked at him in question.

"B-but I-I didn't ask you t-to-"

"No, hush," He said. " I'll do it." Kassie must've been reading my mind because at the same time we looked at each other and said,

"Very well then!" Kassie continued from there. " Roxas you can go first."

"Kay, here are my questions."

**Axel: Who do you like better, me or Xion?**

**Sora: Do you sometimes wish you were in the Organization?**

**Xigbar: Is it true that **_**you're**_** the rapist from that catchy Youtube song?**

**Namine: Is it true that you are a yaoi fangirl?**

"Good questions." I told him.

"Well... I guess... Roxas." Axel stated shakily, afraid of Xion's wrath.

"What? You would choose that, that, nobody over ME?" Xion yelled. Axel's face went pale.

"Well you see-"

"SHUTUP!" She screamed. "You're coming with me!" She clentched Axel's coat, threw him down on the ground, and started dragging him by his ears.

"Oh, the silent room is the third one on your left, trust me, you'll want it!" I shouted to the two who dissapeared behind a wall.

"Yes, I do. I was even thinking about my Organization name once, I was going to use Roxas, but you stole it." Sora concluded.

"NO, NO AM MOST CERTAINLY NOT THE RAPIST FROM LINCOLN PARK! Do you see me climbin' in yo' portals and snatchin' yo' Kairi's up! If anything, I think you should've saved this question for Axel... it's just too bad he's most likely dead now." Xigbar stated

"No, why would I be a _yaoi_ fangirl?" Namine asked. Roxas shrugged.

"I don't know, but God only know what you draw in that little book of yours."

"Alright then, Kassie you're up next." I told the anime-lover.

"Awesome!" She replied. "Here goes."

**Zexion:Do you like me?**

**Sora: I demand you to kiss Jenna!**

**Riku: Do you sing on the roof?**

**Marluxia: Meet Szayel from bleach because he's just like you.**

**Axel: Be one of our co-stars!**

"Of course I like you Kassandra, I lo- you're really cool." Zexion said blushing.

Sora didn't hesitate. He turned to me and started playing a very complicated round of the smushy face game. I enjoyed it VERY much. (A/N: Thank you Kassie!) The audience proceded to ooh as a regular crowd would.

Riku, however, _did_ hesitate. "Yes... no... maybe."

"Sure I'll meet this Szayel guy." Marluxia said. Using my authoress powers, I poofed Szayel into the room.

"How did I... get here?" He asked in a confused state. Kassie ran up and hugged him he just stared. That's when he noticed Marluxia standing in front of him. For a while the just looked at each other and then they started mirroring each other. Marly put a hand up, Szayel put a hand up. Marly scratched his head, Szayel scratched his head. Everyone in the room just watched in silence.

"Well, I think we've done enough of that." Roxas said.

"Sure, I'll come be a co-host!" Axel said.

"Wait, Axel... I thought you were dead." Kassie said.

"Yea, we all had figured Xion had killed you." I added.

"Naw, all she did was yell at me, then she took me for some sea-salt ice cream.

"Aw, no fair!" Roxas yelled.

"Whatever, it's my turn now!" I happily announced.

**Larxene: Do you read Marvel comics in your room late at night?**

**Demyx: Do you know how to play any other instrument?**

**Mister Mansex: Everyone is allowed to call you that for the next chapter!**

**Lexaeus: Please give a quick six word speech on how drugs are bad.**

**Sora: Teach me how to dougie!**

**Zexion: Want some skittles?**

**Riku: Did you ever have a crush when you were little? If so, who?**

**Brownies for all!**

Larxene looked at me in disgust.

"What would give you _that_ idea?" She asked, munching on a brownie.

"Well I just... Larxene?" I asked Larxene who was turned around. She appeared to be looking at something.

"Larxene... what are you reading?" I asked.

"Pft, not a Marvel comic THAT'S for sure." I ripped the book out of her hands. Let me say one thing... she is a _terrible _liar.

"Yea, I know how to play the drums." Demyx answered.

"Joy," Xemnas said rolling his eyes. Lexaeus stood up and cleared his throat.

"Hugs not drugs; crack is whack... there." He sat back down.

"AH, AH, AH!" I yelled at him.

"What?" He asked.

"That was seven words!" I protested. He rolled his eyes. Sora stood up and grabbed my wrist. He pulled me over to a clearing on the stage.

"Que the music!" He yelled. The song started to play.

"_Ay...ay...teach me how to dougie, ay." _Sora then proceded to show me the moves; he looked so sexy that it made it hard to focus on the dance. Once he was done I copied him exactly. Then we started to dance simultaniously and we looked _so good_ together!

"I would LOVE some Skittles, thank-you." Zexion repiled. I handed him a big bag full. Riku stared blankly at the floor.

"Well Riku?" Axel asked.

"Yea... yea I did like someone when I was younger." He said, fearing the worst.

"Well, who was it?" Kassie asked.

"Just...just look at this." Riku sighed holding a paper in front of Kassie and I. We leaned in closer to see it.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" We laughed.

"Shutup, I was young!" He yelled.

"Aw Riku, you used to like her?" I asked holding the paper towards him.

"Gimme that," Roxas grumbled snatching it out of my hands. He slowly read the poorly written paper to himself.

"Pft... HAHAHAHAHAHA!" He laughed.

"It's not that funny!" Riku protested.

"Yes it is!" Kassie laughed. Riku crossed his arms and just gave up.

"C'mon thirteen, let all of us hear!" Axel pleaded. Roxas began to read the paper aloud. (A/N: We had to strap Riku to a chair for this.) Roxas cleared his throat.

"Ahem... D-dear, dear Santa,"

"That's not what it says." Riku corrected.

"Sorry," Roxas apologized fakely." I can't read your writing." Riku glared at him.

"I'm only kiddin'...lighten up will ya'?" Roxas started reading once again.

"Dear cactus."

"It's starting to get old Roxas." Riku groaned.

"Okay, fine." Roxas started once more.

"Dear Kairi, I like you. I think you're pretty. I wish you'd like me instead of Sora." Sora gawked at Kairi.

"You... used to... LIKE ME?" Sora asked.

"I used to," Kairi said. "Not anymore though." Sora just rapidly shook his head as if he were waking up from a bad dream.

"Well, I don't think there is any further need in embarrassing Riku, is there?" I asked. I didn't wait for an answer, because I knew they wanted to hear more.

"Well, that's all for today's show guys." I announced.

"Can't wait for the next one." Kassie said happily.

"Read and review," Roxas said.

"And we'll see you real soon!" We yelled.

(A/N: Obviously I honestly need reviews for this one so, say whatever the hell you wanna say, just make sure i'm laughing my ass of when I'm reading it!)


	2. So much singing!

(A/N: Second chapter! This chapter is dedicated to one of my very best friends, Daisy. She just got into Kingdom Hearts and got 358/2 days. She is also new to FF. You should read her stories! We'd never thought you'd do it, but Daisy, Kassie and I are proud of you! I love you my baby angel!)

Five spotlights fell on the stage and the room was dark and silent. It was really drammatic...and stuff. Just then, a pink-haired scientist began to speak.

"Hello, and welcome to the show." He announced.

"Woah, woah, woah, woah...hold up a second, this isn't how we start the show!" Roxas yelled as he turned the lights on. "Jenna, show 'em how we do it...the right way."

"With pleasure." I said. "Hello and welcome to Confessions Of The Thirteenth Nobody, or more commonly known as COTTN!" The audience cheered and shouted as usual. Our miserable contestants seemed a bit brighter today as they walked out to their previous seats.

"We are soo excited for this chapter!" Kassie shouted.

"Yeah really, you've been bugging me for like a week!" I added.

"Yesh, yesh I did." She answered. (A/N: It's true, she's all like, when are you gonna update COTTN? Are you gonna update soon? UPDATE COTTN.)

"By the way, Szayel is going to stay with us for a while." I said.

"Actually, I was _forced_ into staying with them." Szayel groaned.

"Well, he's here anyway so you are now free to do whatever the fuck you want with him." I announced. He seemed pissed, so I decided to make this a worse hell then it already was.

"Hey Szayel! Guess what?" I shouted.

"What?" He asked.

"Shutup!" I laughed. (A/N: Yes, I got that from ICarly.)

"Alright, should we start the questions now?" Axel asked.

"Well, I was gonna start the show, but I wanted to share a little story first." I told him."Okay, so about three weeks ago, my fourth period reading teacher made us do these oral book reports. Sounds boring right? Well, these are like, super-fun because you get to use what my teacher likes to call a 'grabbing intro'. Which basically means we do stupid shit to get our peers attention. And this quarter I did my story on Organization XIII fundraiser, Kassie's story."

"Yes! And I did mine on Jenna's story Life in Demyx's eyes." Kassie said.

"That's great but, what was the point of telling us that?" Saix asked.

"I'm not done yet!" I whined. "Anyways, for my grabbing intro, I decided to reenact the first scene of the story."

"And I got to hit Craigward with a book!" Kassie yelled excitedly. Zexion looked very confused.

"Who-?" He asked.

"No one. Just the kid that played Axel in the skit." I answered.

"For my grabbing intro I was chased around the room by Jenna." Kassie said.

"I used a lightsaber!" I yelled.

"Greta, now can we get on with the questions?" Roxas asked.

"Oh, yes, right, the questions. Axel, since you're the new co-host, why don't you read the first review?" I said.

"Sure thing. The first review is from Organization13girl. Oh Kassie, it's yours!"

**Everyone:Thanks guys!You actually made me feel better about my certain knows about it and so does Zexion who wants to kill my certain problem.**

Zexion:Your cool too. *smiles,knowing exactly what you mean*Will you watch Bleach with me next week?

Riku:Dude,I dare you to sing on the do you have Dennis?

Marluxia;Isn't Szayel epic?*grinning*

Axel:Yay co-star!Sora(Jenna)we have a co-star, isn't that great?

Sora:Now will you give Riku...coffee? O.o

Vanitas:*Hugs*I don't care if you hate being hugged!

Mansex:I dare you to jump off the highest tower in TWTNW and flap your arms yelling Im flying!Im flying!

That is all! :)

"Nice review." I told my co-host.

"Thanks." She replied. Zexion looked up from his book and smiled at Kassie.

"Of course I'll watch Bleach with you."

"I'll sing on the roof later and yes, I do have Dennis. Would you like to hold him?" Riku asked Kassie holding out a box with many different faces on it.

"Sweet!" Kassie said taking the box. Marluxia just snorted and looked at the _other_ pink-haired man.

"He's fine, I guess." He answered.

"Yes, yes it is great Kassie. Oh yeah, that reminds me, since I went into a big Marluxia phase, I'm gonna make Marly one of my co-stars." I told everyone. Marly happily bounced over and sat down on the other side of me. Sora took one look at Riku and smirked evily.

"Oooohhh Riikkuuu!" Sora called. "I've got coffee!"

"Coffee?" Riku asked snatching the pitcher out of Sora's hands. He began to chug it. When he stopped he totally did the steriotypical sugar buzz. He dropped the glass pitcher, making it shatter to pieces and his eyes were wide and dialated. He then proceded to bounce around the room like a ping-pong ball screaming,

"Whoo hoo! Caffine, yeah baby!" We all just stared in horror at the terror Sora just unleashed on the world.

"GAAAHHH!" Vanitas screamed as he was being hugged by Kassie. "It burns, IT BURNS!" He yelled.

"I don't care." She answered crossly.

"Mansex, I think it's time for you to jump, no?" Roxas asked.

"Here take this." I said handing him a chicken suit. "It'll make you look like you can fly."

"But chickens can't fly." He argued.

"Exactly my point." I told him.

Xemnas took one look at it and portaled himself into The World That Never Was. There he stood on memory skyscraper. We watched him through the giant 65 inch H.D. T.V. inside the comfort of the studio. He peered down over the top of the of the building. And just before he was going to jump, he looked into the camera and said,

"Fuck you all. AHHHHHH! LOOK, I'M FLYING, I'M FLYING!" He screamed flapping his arms as fast as they could go. " I SAID I'M FLYING GODDAMNIT! LOOK! I'M, I'M-" Just before he reached the ground, he portaled himself back into the studio.

"Happy?" He asked in a raspy voice, sore from screaming.

"Very." Kassie replied.

"Alright Marly, you can read the next review." I told him.

"The next one is from your brother, Jake. His name is Cloud In A Moogle Suit."

**Hi it's Jake! this story is freakin' awsome.**

Zexion:I dare you to throw skittles at mister Mansex.

Vexen:I dare you to keep hand sanitizer in your mouth while gluing your eyes shut for the the entire chapter.

Roxas:FREAKIN' SING BRING ME TO LIFE YOU ASS!

Xion:I give you permission to go all physco on Axel and kick him in the balls.

Jake: poof myself randomly into the story.

Aqua:go in a dark alley with Jake.

Bye guys!

Jake then stepped out of the audience and joined us on stage.

"Good review little brother." I told him. He nodded. Zexion smirked.

"I'm going to have fun with this." He said. "Hey Mansex!" He called.

"Wha-? AHH!" Xemnas yelled after being chased and pelted by Skittles.

"Yo Vexen!" Axel yelled.

"What is it?" Vexen asked walking over to him.

"Quick someone get some rope and tie him down, before he gets away!" Roxas commanded. Just then Roxas, Axel, Kassie, Szayel, Marly, Sora and I all strapped him down in his seat. I glued his eyes shut with an Elmer's glue stick.

"What the fuck is going on here?" He asked angrily.

"Oh, you'll find out soon enough." Sora taunted, tightening the ropes.

"Someone get the Germ-X!" Axel yelled. Xion tossed him the bottle and Axel then pumped the handle twelve times and out came the hand sanitizer and that unmistakeable alcohal smell. I then glued his mouth shut, just to make sure he didn't spit it out. After that was said and done, we returned to reality.

"I already did." Roxas said.

"When?" Jake asked.

"In YATA." He replied.

"But I don't wanna." Xion protested. Aqua looked at Jake and sighed. They walked into the alley behind the studio and just talked about stuff. Nothing really interesting, though. When they returned, Jake went back into the audience and Aqua took her seat once more.

"Alright Kassie, you can read the next review." I told her.

"Okay the next review is from mahboi9610, otherwise known as Josh!" She announced.

**Thanks for reviewing my fic Jenna! TO THE QUESTIONS!**

Mister Mansex: (not really a question, but) I'm sorry for setting Fawful loose in your castle in my newest story.

Namine: You draw yaoi in your book, don't you? Don't lie.

Marluxia: Are you mad at your Somebody for having pink hair because people think you're gay now?

Luxord: Can you go a week without alcohol?

Terra: Take out Xigbar's other eye.

Vexen: Did you know that I think you're a pedophile?

That is all. :D

Xemnas sighed. "Of course." Was all he said.

Namine looked around nervously. She had been asked this question before but each and every time the pressure went straight to her head. And this time was to be no different. She went on a rampage.

"No, no I absolutely do not. What makes you think that? Are you like a fan of yaoi, or something? Do you think, just because I keep my drawings secret from the world THAT I JUST SO HAPPEN TO LIKE YAOI, HUH? WELL DO YOU? CAUSE I HAVE ONE THING TO SAY TO ALL YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO THINK I'M A YAOI FANGIRL...FUCK OFF!" Everyone stared in horror at the supposedly 'sweet' and 'innocent' girl who just told ALL of us off. Josh, Kassie and I exchanged glances.

"HOLY SHIT!" We yelled. After the shock we had all endured, Marluxia answered his question.

"No I am not mad, I am actually proud and pleased with the- oh, who the hell am I kidding? I ought to kick my somebody's ass for this." He said.

"Yes. Why does everyone think I'm a drunk?" He scoffed. I shrugged. Terra got up from his seat, walkied calmly over to Xigbar, grabbed his other eye and began to run around the room like a five-year-old child yelling,

"I got your eye, I got your eye!"

Vexen just stared at Josh.

"Thanks." He said sarcastically.

"Bye Josh!" Kassie and I waved. He waved back and returned to the audience.

"I guess I should do the next review." I said. "The next review is from BlackPantherWithWings, or Ariana!"

**Hey, it's Ariana! I was laughing before even reading this story. For... some... odd... reason...**

Anybody who wants to do this dare: Sing Never Say Never by Justin Bieber. Then sing Never Say Never by the Fray. I, personally think Justin Bieber stole the song name from them.

Jenna, Kassie, Sora, and Zexion: You guys are awesome, so... YOU GUYS ALL GET WINGS! FOR AS LONG AS YOU WANT! (even though I'll probably regret that)

All the guys: Who do you like and why? And don't lie about it, I'll know if you're lieing. I just wanna embarrass you guys!

Zexion: Just because you're awesome... you get a HUGE donut filled with... the most sugary stuff in the world... GO CRAZYY! AND DO STUFF YOU WOULDN'T DO IF YOU WEREN'T ON A SUGAR HIGH!

Well that's it. But... everyone gets... McDonalds' or... THE MOST SUGARY STUFF IN THE WORLD! (even though again I'll probably regret that) Bye!

"Alright, nice review Ariana." I told her as she walked onto the stage.

"I promise We'll do the never say never dare at the end." I added. Just then, said people sprouted wings and flew around the room.

"Yup, I knew I was gonna regret that." Ariana muttered. Every guy in the room, winged or not, looked at eachother.

"Let's just start with this, all the guys who don't like anyone, raise your hands." I said fluttering around the room. Xemnas, Xigbar, Xaldin, Vexen, Lexaeus, Saix, Luxord, Marluxia, Terra, Ven and Vanitas shot their hands up.

"Okay, now we'll go with the Organization members first." I told them. "Zexion, who do you like, and why?"

"Well..." He stopped. "I sort of like...this girl." He started.

"Really?" I asked fakely. He just gave me a look.

"She is here on the show, but I don't know how to tell her what I feel about her, She's just my type too." He concluded.

"Aw, it's okay Zexy, you'll tell her someday." I said looking at Kassie.

"Axel who do you like?" She asked.

"I... I kind of like Xion. She's really cute." Axel confessed. (A/N: Yes I am a fan of AkuShion)

"What about you Demyx?" Axel asked, still blushing. Demyx shyly shifted his feet and played around with his hair.

"Well, you see I like this girl on FanFiction, she's one of our reviewers, Samantha. She's so sweet." He said. "Well, what about you Roxas?"

"I like...Namine. She's just a really cool girl." He mumbled. "My somebody likes someone, don't you, Sora?"

"Yes, I like Jenna. I love her so much, she's just perfect for me." He openly confessed. (A/N: Well, we don't call it Confessions Of The Thirteenth Nobody for nothin' people!)

"Riku, you still like Kairi?" I asked. Riku just nodded his head, all embarassed like. Zexion chomped on the doughnut and started to bounce off the walls. He ran around and started singing Yankee doodle.

"Thanks Ariana!" Everyone said as Ariana walked back to her seat.

"Mmm," I said through a mouthfull of food. "Sora why don't you read the next review?"

"Sure. Next review is from Samantha, or ourranger."

**yesh! participation is key! okay**

Sora: uh, snuggle with the person you obviously like.

Lexeaus: no need to speak this chapter eh? no your not canadian.

Demyx: be my late valentine! (and jenna, i, uh, broke up w/ u-kno-who. no not voldy hes moldy)

Axel: *shines at flashlight* did you or did you not take my ipod and read EVERYTHING on it?

Xigbar: did you molest Roxas in his sleep? or was it Luxord?

Kassie: good co-starring. laugh. sooo...like Zexion enough to be Kexion? me and demyx arent that far yet goodie.

Zexion: yesh you looooooooooooooooooooove herr! admit on a stage! btw sorry laugh

Vexen: science is an illogical topic. oh beat that, i used language arts, a useful topic!

Jenna: LOVE the story! cant wait for more!

"C'mon out here Samantha!" I shouted as she walked up to me. "Thanks for reviewing."

"No problem." She replied. Just then Sora came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me and he started cuddling up with me right there on the couch.

Lexaeus looked a bit disturbed.

"No." He answered.

Demyx's face lit up like a christmas tree.

"Yes! Yes! Of course I would Samantha!"

"Glee!" Cried Samantha.

"That's the Samantha you were talking about?"Marluxia asked. Demyx nodded, holding Samantha in his arms. I looked at her.

"Yes, I had already known that you broke up with that loser." I told her.

Axel looked a bit confused.

"No? ...I think..." He answered.

"Huh, naw man, it was Luxord." Xigbar scoffed. Luxord looked at him in disbelief.

"No way! You've got it all wrong, mate. I certainly didn't molest Roxas in his sleep!" He said. Then, it was Roxas' turn to be confused.

"Hold up a minute, who the hell said I got molested?" The two men pointed at Sam.

"Why would you think that?" He asked her. She shrugged.

"It was just a question." she said.

Kassie looked at Zexion, then at Sam, then at Zexy, then at Sam. She looked at Sam and I and whispered,

"Quite possibly." The two of us smiled.

Zexy shuffled his feet and looked up at Samantha.

"I already- I mean, um...I, um." Zexion stuttered, _almost_ revealing it, but not quite.

"Give him some time," I whispered to Kassie. "He's almost there."

"Thanks Sam!" I told her.

"Your welcome!" She yelled bouncing back to her seat. "Roxas will you do the honors?" I asked the blonde nobody.

"Sure. The next review is from BUFFYaddict42, or more commonly known as Dakota.

**When am i gonna b in ur stories? :(**

"Well, that wasn't much." Szayel blurted out.

"It's okay though." I said. "Soon enough Dakota, soon enough."

"Aww, the last review! Sigh...hey Szayel, why don't you read the last one?" Axel asked.

"Sure." Szayel said, enjoying himself more so than usual.

"The last review is from louie123133, otherwise known as Daisy! Our special friend."

**kk! It's Daisy! :D here are mine. :0**

Roxas - do u like me? :D

Vanitas - Do u LIKE that catchy rapist youtube song?

Xigbar - SING the catchy tune mentioned above!

Larxene - Do something...happy for a change

Axel - Show me the joys of sea salt icecream (gimme some)

"Daisy, come on out!" I shouted. She happily bounded up to the stage and literally almost jumped into my arms. Kassie ran up and hugged her just as forcefully.

"I feel so special!" She told me.

"You should." I said back. "This is a great honor for you to be bestowed apon." I finished sounding all fancy like. The three of us giggled.

Roxas smiled, went up to Daisy, gave her a hug, and ruffled her hair.

"Of course I like you, you're awesome! Plus I heard, I was your favorite." He said.

"Yeah," She said. "Wait, won't the others be mad?" She asked him.

"Naw," He told her. "On this show, we're totally aloud to show favorites. Just look at those two." He said pointing to Kassie and I. Kassie was talking it up with Zexion, and I was kissing Sora. We looked up at the same time.

"Wha?" Was all we said.

Vanitas shrugged.

"It's okay, I guess... you know, for a YouTube remix." Xigbar sighed and grabbed a microphone. (A/N: It is not micro, nor is it a phone. Figure it out Zexion!)

"Well, obviously we have a, rapist in Lincoln Park

_He's climbin' in yo' windows, he's snatchin' yo' people up, tryna' rape 'em so ya'll need to_

_Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife _

_and hide yo' husband, cuz they rapin' everbody out here_

_You don't have to come and confess, we lookin' fo' you, we gon' find you we gon' find you_

_so you can run and tell that run and tell that run and tell that homeboy, home, home, homeboy_

_We got yo' t-shirt on yo' finger prints in all, you are so dumb, really, really dumb for real_

_The man got away leaving behind evidence_

_I was attacked by some idiot in the projects_

_So dumb, so dumb, so dumb, so_

_He's climbin' in yo' windows, he's snatchin' yo' people up, tryna' rape 'em so ya'll need to_

_Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife _

_and hide yo' husband, cuz they rapin' everbody out here_

_You don't have to come and confess, we lookin' fo' you, we gon' find you we gon' find you_

_so you can run and tell that run and tell that run and tell that homeboy, home, home, homeboy."_

We all clapped and cheered for Xigbar's ammature preformance.

Larxene grunted.

"Fine, I'll be the fuckin' easter bunny." She said angrily.

"Oh, you'll need these." Daisy added handing her a basket full of goodies and bunny ears. Larxene but them on and grabbed the basket hopping around and throwing eggs and candy at people.

"Hey who wants to do that never say never dare?" I asked. Daisy raised her hand.

"I'll do it!" She volenteered. She took the microphone from Xigbar and began to sing.

_Never say never)  
See I never thought that I could walk through fire  
I never thought that I could take the burn  
I never had the strength to take it higher  
Until I reached the point of no return_

And there's just no turning back  
When your hearts under attack  
Gonna give everything I have  
It's my destiny

I will never say never! (I will fight)  
I will fight till forever! (make it right)  
Whenever you knock me down  
I will not stay on the ground  
Pick it up  
Pick it up  
Pick it up  
Pick it up up up  
And never say never

Ne-Never say never(Never)  
Ne-Never say never(Never)  
Ne-Never say never(Never)  
I never thought I could feel this power  
I never thought that I could feel this free  
I'm strong enough to climb the highest tower  
And I'm fast enough to run across the sea

And there's just no turning back  
When your hearts under attack  
Gonna give everything I have  
'cause this is my destiny

I will never say never! (I will fight)  
I will fight till forever! (make it right)  
Whenever you knock me down  
I will not stay on the ground  
Pick it up  
Pick it up  
Pick it up  
Pick it up, up, up  
And never say never

Here we go!  
Guess who?  
JSmith and Jb!  
I gotcha lil bro  
I can handle him  
Hold up, aight?  
I can handle him

Now he's bigger than me  
Taller than me  
And he's older than me  
And stronger than me  
And his arms a little bit longer than me  
But he ain't on a JB song with me!

I be trying a chill  
They be trying to sour the thrill  
No pun intended, was raised by the power of Will

Like Luke with the force, when push comes to shove  
Like Kobe in the 4th, ice water with blood

I gotta be the best, and yes  
We're the flyest  
Like David and Goliath  
I conquered the giant  
So now I got the world in my hand  
I was born from two stars  
So the moon's where I land

I will never say never! (I will fight)  
I will fight till forever! (make it right)  
Whenever you knock me down  
I will not stay on the ground  
Pick it up  
Pick it up  
Pick it up  
Pick it up, up, up  
And never say never

I will never say never! (I will fight)  
I will fight till forever! (make it right)  
Whenever you knock me down  
I will not stay on the ground  
Pick it up  
Pick it up  
Pick it up,  
Pick it up, up, up  
And never say never 

Daisy took a breather and bowed at the clapping audience.

"Oooh! OOOH! I wanna sing the next one!" Marluxia called.

"Sure thing Marly!" I told him.

_Some things we don't talk about  
Rather do without  
And just hold the smile  
Falling in and out of love  
Ashamed and proud of  
Together all the while_

You can never say never  
While we don't know when  
But time and time again  
Younger now than we were before

Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
[x2]

Picture, you're the queen of everything  
As far as the eye can see  
Under your command  
I will be your guardian  
When all is crumbling  
To steady your hand

You can never say never  
While we don't know when  
Time, time, time again  
Younger now than we were before

Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
[x2]

We're pulling apart and coming together again and again  
We're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again

Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
[x4] 

"Nice guys!" I said."But unfortunately it's time to end the show."

"From all of us to you," We said. "Read and review and we'll see ya' real soon!"

(A/N: FINALLY Kassandra, it is done! I really hope you all enjoyed the chapter guys! I promise there will be a thrid ASAP!)


	3. Blush

(A/N: When was the last time I updated? Eh, I don't keep track, but I know it was a while ago. Also, I have let Rena, EchosOfMemory, be a co-host. Oh, I almost forgot, HI FANBOY!)

Rena, Szayel, Kassie and I sat on stage, ranting about things concerning Kingdom Hearts, when we heard a familiar tune ringing in our ears, and the singer wasn't that bad, in fact.

"Sweet home Alabama, where the skies are so blue. Sweet home Alabama, Lord I'm comin' home to you!" Roxas sang stepping out from behind the curtain.

"Wow," I exclaimed. "Nice singin' Rox." Roxas blushed and cocked his head shyly to the side.

"Aw shucks (A/N: Boy I hate that word.), it was nothin'." Roxas said modestly.

"Wait Roxas," Kassie said.

"Yes?" Roxas answered questioningly.

"Are you really from Alabama?" She asked.

"No, I'm not. I was just listening to 101.5 and it came on. And ever since, it's been stuck in my head. I'm really from Michigan." He replied.

"Oh...well then." I said to him. "Since we have all the co-hosts with us, why don't we get started with the show?"

"Wait!" Exclaimed Rena. We all looked at her in scilence until she decided to answer.

"Where's Axel?" She cried.

"Well, Rena that's simple." Roxas intervened. "The answer is I have no fucking clue." Just then, a very loud and obnoxious voice came into range of hearing.

"WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! I'M HERE, I'M HERE! Sorry I'm late." Axel said panting. I noticed that his coat was torn slightly.

"Axel, what the hell happened to you?" I asked him.

"Dogs...those fucking dogs." He answered.

"Wha?" Roxas asked.

"Those Goddamn, mother fucking, dogs that live around the corner from here." Axel said once more.

"Well then, um...HELLO AND WELCOME TO CONFESSIONS OF THE THIRTEENTH NOBODY!" I yelled. The crowd went wild signaling for everyone to slowly shuffle their way onto the set. But you see, that's soooo not what happened. Instead, each and everyone came running out from behind the curtain flailing their arms and screaming like maniacs.

"We are absolutely positively freaking out right now!" Aqua yelled, shivering a bit.

"Why, what's wrong?" Szayel asked.

"B-b-bees!" Sora yelled wrapping his arms tightly around me and snuggling up to me for comfort.

"Sora, you know I don't like it when you use me as a mechanism of defense...especially when concerning bees." I told the shaky keybearer.

"Those damn things have been chasing us around the entire castle." Xemnas growled.

"What? Bees? In my castle?...Vanitas, go get rid of them." I told him.

"Wha? Why me?" He asked.

"Because, 1.I told you to, 2.I don't like bees, 3. And I don't like you." I replied. Vanitas shrugged and sluped off in a beekeeper's suit.

"Okay, so before we start the actual show, I have a question for all the KH characters. Where are you guys from?"

"Why do you want to know?" Larxene asked in her naturally mean way.

"Well, I found out Roxas is from Michigan and it sparked my natural curiosity." I told the Savage Nymph. (A/N: And since I just wanna start the show, I'll tell you where they all came from at the end.)

"Hey Luxord, why don't you read the first review?" I asked him.

"Sure," He replied. "The first review is from PropertyOfDemyx!"

***anime happy tears* oh sorry! Forgot you didn't like anime that much. THANKS for **

**letting me on your show!**

**Darth mansex: suck in some helium. Now, do you like animals?**

**Xiggy: hurrah! Lol nice answer, and singing. Are you upset about losing one eye?**

**Xaldin: Why did you choose dreadlocks?**

**Vexen: Sing Ice, Ice, Baby. Do you like it?**

**Lex: why are you not very social?**

**Zexion: I understand. I'm not as vague as you though. So..do you like Axel as a friend?**

**Saix: ...repeat everthing "Superior" says!**

**Axel: do you like riots and bonfires? Or all fires?**

**Demyx: YAY! =3 I love you! Will you go swimming with me in Atlantica?**

**Luxord: Ive underestimated you. Here is 200,000 munny. Share some though.**

**Marly: Do you spend all your munny on nature?**

**Larxene: why are you so sarcastic all the time?**

**Roxas: would you buy sea salt ice cream for daisy? (I'd live some if possible! I can share it with Demyx.=))**

**Xion: can I be YOUR Nobody?**

**Kassie: If at all possible, would you kiss Zexion?**

**Jenna: EPIC chapter!**

**Sora: that was sweet.**

**Riku: can I hold Dennis? Don't let Sora near him though.(who's your best friend now Riku? Huh huh?)**

**SEA SALT ICE CREAM FOR ALL!**

I smiled. "So you forgot did you?" Samantha nodded and smiled back. She raised a finger and pointed it at Mansex. So he picked up and Elmo helium ballon, cut off, and sucked in some air.

"Yes, I like animals." He answered in a squeaky voice.

"Yeah, it really sucks having only one eye...if you haven't realized yet." Xigbar answered.

"I didn't," Xaldin said. "Tetsuya did...AND HOW COME EVERYONE KEEPS RIDING ME ABOUT MY HAIR?" Samantha wore an expression like this: O.O. Vexen respected Samntha's wishes and sang the song.

"It was actually an OK song." Said Vexen at the computer, donloading the song onto his Ipod. Lexaeus grunted and shrugged.

"I suppose..." Zexy said glancing at Axel. "Even though he did order Repliku to kill me." Kassandra dropped to her knees.

"Why, Axel, why?" She cried. Saix glared at Samantha. Axel grinned evily.

"All fires man. BURN BABY BURN!" He said. Demyx smiled at Sam.

"Sure, after the show." He replied.

"Yes! Thanks luv." Said Luxord patting Samantha on the head. Marluxia cocked his head to the side.

"What?" He asked. "Just because my element is nature, doesn't mean it's all I think about."

"What? Me? Sarcastic? Never!" Larxene answered rolling her eyes.

"Sure, here you go." Roxas said handing two bars of sea-salt ice cream. Xion looked a bit confused.

"Well, if it's even possible...sure, why not?" She answered. Kassie blushed slightly.

"Maybe..." She said.

"Thanks Samantha!" I told the brunette.

"Sure." Riku said giving the cardboard box to Samantha.

"Next review is from organization13girl...oh wait...that's Kassie." Rena said.

**Yay!Thank you Jenna!**

Zexion:Please, feel free to ignore my annoying friends.

Riku:Now go sing on the roof!

Marluxia:Admit 's epic!

Axel:Do you think Xion likes you back?

Sora:Why don't you summarize your love for Jenna?

Vanitas:wow!You sound like Reece,doesn't he Jenna?

Xemnas:Thank you Xemmy!

Szayel:If you want,I can help you when people try to hurt you and stuff like that.I'm a very loyal fan.

Demyx:Please be kind to girl named a duck after being yourself and DO NOT take tips from Axel at any point in your relationship.

Jenna:I'm not asking him to do anything,YOU GUYS are telling him to.

Daisy:I am so very proud of you and happy!

Roxas:Yay!Roxas likes Daisy!

Not many questions since I was oh so rudley woken up from one of the best KH/Bleach dream ever,but my oh so loved cast(and Jenna's since this is her story)and enjoy mayhem!

Oh and Zexion,yesterday(And for a while now)I've chosen a book for my if I'm in a good mood,I say "Back off!I have litreture power!"

Zexion nodded in acknowledgement. Riku got up from his little plastic chair in the corner and went up to the and started singing...it was too bad he was being attacked by bees the whole time. Marluxia freaked.

"Yes! Okay? Yes, Szayel is epic." Marly spun around to face Szayel. "Szayel you're epic, okay? Is that what you wanted?" He asked Kassie. Kassie nodded between blushed a bit. Axel glanced at his love.

"Yeah..I guess." He answered. Sora stood up and pulled out a little note card. Demyx pointed at him and said,

"Ha! See? I'm not the only one who reads things off of cards!" And then he sat back down all quiet like.

"Ahem," Sora cleared his throat. "I love Jenna with all of my heart. I love her until the worlds end and beyond. I would do anything for her. I would even give my life for her if I needed to. She's amazing." Kassie smirked a bit.

"Wow, ya' hear that Jenna?" She said. "This boy would give his own life to save yours." I blushed and kissed him. I laughed a bit. When Vanitas walked back into the room, he was covered in bee stings.

"Yes, he does." I admitted coldly.

"You're welcome." Xemnas answered sarcastically.

"You're welcome." Saix repeated. Szayel grinned.

"Thanks." He told the fangirl.

"I'll make sure to stay away from his 'knowledge'." Said Demyx. Zexion smiled.

"Hahaha, V-Vanitas...since you've...pft! Sorry, sorry, I'm laughing too hard. Since you've been gone for half the show, why don't you read the next review...lumpy...pffft! Hahaha!"

"You're evil." He said. "The next review is from MysteryKeyblader16."

**Sorry for the overly random dares and questions last time. I'll stay under control.**

Namine: Sorry for accusing you. Please don't be to angry. (same applying to what I said in YATA)

Vexen: I no longer think you are a pedophile. Xigbar is the real pedophile.

Xigbar: How dare you try to molest Xion! (fanfic reference; "The Old Life, Alive Again" chapter 60)

Terra: Thank you! (I hate Xigbar, which is why I wanted you to do that.)

Zexion: Have you read "Dracula" before? I love that book!

Luxord: Sorry, it's just something a lot of people believe, kind of like how a lot of people think Marluxia is gay (even though he's not), so yeah, sorry. You're not a drunk.

Axel: Set Xaldin on fire!

Xaldin: Try to stab Axel for setting you on fire.

Everyone: Who else is getting a 3ds when it comes out? And who else thinks Xehanort is a sick, gay bastard? (because he draws yaoi)

"Hey Josh!" I said as he walked on set. Namine shrugged

"Eh, it's okay. Sometimes when I'm trying to be nice like I am, I can't hold in the mean anymore." She replied.

"Thank-you." Vexen answered.

"What? Why me?" Xigbar asked. "Yeah whatever...I don't even like Xion!" Xion stared at him in horror.

"You bastard." Xemnas commented.

"You bastard." Saix repeated, laughing. "I could get used to this." Zexion looke dup from his current novel.

"Yes, I have. I find it an enriching tale." He answered. Axel walked up to Xaldin, poured an entire bucket of kerosene on him, and lit him on fire. Xaldin quickly put himself out, and stabbed the pryo right in his shoulder.

"Ooooh! I wanna get the 3DS! AND I ALSO BELIEVE THE XEHANORT THINGY!" I yelled.

"Alright, the next review is from BlackPantherWithWings." Kassie read aloud.

**It's me again and I'll just start... now!**

Zexion and Vexen: Sing Pain by Three Days Grace and Pain by Jimmy Eat World. Two of my fave songs.

Jenna and Sora: I shall send you two to... Antartica where the only thing to snuggle with is each other or a penguin! Enjoy! :)

Axel: Hug Everyone! And I mean EVERYONE! Even people you don't like.

All the girls: Who do you like? Basically the question I asked the boys. And again I'll know if you're lieing!

Eveyone: Whar's your fave song and WHY.

That's all I gotz! Bye!

Zexion grabbed a microphone and began singing.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

You're sick of feeling numb  
You're not the only one  
I'll take you by the hand  
And I'll show you a world that you can understand  
This life is filled with hurt  
When happiness doesn't work  
Trust me and take my hand  
When the lights go out you will understand

Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Anger and agony  
Are better than misery  
Trust me I've got a plan  
When the lights go off you will understand

Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing  
Rather feel pain

I know (I know I know I know I know)  
That you're wounded  
You know (You know you know you know you know)  
That I'm here to save you  
You know (You know you know you know you know)  
I'm always here for you  
I know (I know I know I know I know)  
That you'll thank me later

Pain, without love  
Pain, can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Rather feel pain 

We clapped and cheered for his beautiful preformance. When he was done, he handed it to Vexen, and HE began singing.

_I don't feel the way I've ever felt.  
I know.  
I'm gonna smile and not get worried.  
I try but it shows._

Anyone can make what I have built.  
And better now  
Anyone can find the same white pills.  
It takes my pain away.

[Chorus]  
It's a lie. A kiss with open eyes  
And she's not breathing back.  
Anything but bother me.  
(It takes my pain away)  
Nevermind these are hurried times.  
Oh oh oh  
I can't let it bother me.

I never thought I'd walk away from you.  
I did.  
But it's a false sense of accomplishment.  
Every time I quit

Anyone can see my every flaw.  
It isn't hard.  
Anyone can say they're above this all.  
It takes my pain away.

[Chorus]

I can't let it bother me.

[Guitar Solo]

It takes my pain away.

[Chorus]

Takes my pain  
Takes my pain  
Takes my pain  
Takes my pain away 

Once Vexen was done Sora and I were ready to leave.

"Be good guys! Kassie, Rena, Axel, Roxas, and Szayel, you guys are in charge. And remember, if anything happens to my castle, someone is going to die. Bye guys!" I opened a corridor of darkness and we walked in. Axel went around the room hugging everyone in sight.

"So girls?" Kassie asked.

"I like Roxas." Namine said.

"Oh God, I do! I do like Axel!" Xion yelled running into the taller boy's arms.

"Aw," Kassie and Rena said. Kassie smiled and said,

"Confessions Of The Thirteenth Nobody. Where we build relationships,"

"And make grown men shiver with fear!" Rena added.

*Antartica*

"Well," I said. "This place is cold." Sora wrapped his arms around me and I practically fell alseep in the older keybearer's warmth.

*COTTN*

"OKAY, FINE! I ADMIT IT! ZEXY! I like you! I mean I _like _you!" Kassandra shouted as she jumped into his unsuspecting arms. But, Zexion toppled over from pure unreadiness. Kairi shifted uneasily.

"I...I like...hmhmhm." She mumbled.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Axel asked, holding Xion.

"I like Riku, okay?" Riku gave her pedo smiled and she looked about ready to change her mind. Bt instead, she kissed him.

"The next review is from louie 123133!" Axel read.

**Alright. so...**

Larxene - pretend to be brain damaged for the next 3 chapters

Roxas - gimme another hug XD

Zexion - get in a slappy fight with Samantha

Sora and jenna - argue like you've been married for years, then kiss and make up

Demyx and Zexion - pretend to be a gay couple

Larxene looked at her, rolled her eyes, and started making odd noises and drooled a bit. Roxas walked up to the girl and gave her yet, another, big hug. Samantha walked onto the set and touched Zexy. Zexion looked up from his book and asked,

"Did you just touch me?" Samantha smirked.

"Maybe." She said. Just then, they broke out into a bunch of flailing limbs and every once and a while, you would hear one of 'em go 'ouch' or 'eh'. Sora and I then entered the room to see the fight and broke into a small quarrel ourselves.

"Honey, why don't you go and stop that fight?" I asked him.

"I don't know." He answered dryly. "Why don't you go do it?"

"Because I asked YOU to do it. If I wanted to do it, it would've been done already." I told him.

"Then why don't you go do it?" He repeated.

"I told you already, I don't want to." I said once more. Just then Sora looked at me and said,

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry."

"Me too." I agreed.

"Let's promise to never fight again." He said.

"Deal." I said. Just then, he hooked me around the waist, dipped me back, and passionately kissed me. I looked at Daisy, mortified.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but this is not the type of facility where we enforce yaoi!" I yelled to my friend.

"Next review is from EchosOfMemory. Oh, it's yours Rena!" Szayel read.

**Can I join? Plzez?**

*grins wickedly* JENNA! DATE INTERVENTION! *whispers in Jenna's ear* Okay, so you distract Kassie while I lock Zexion in the box. I'll send her on a wild goose chase while you hypnotize Zexion. And then I'll leave the note that's blaming Saix and she'll come back and save him!

Anyway...

KASSIE! FIND THE GOLDEN BUNNY! (It might possibly be in Wonderland...)

Zexion. Kiss Kassie. It's past time, midget.

Axel, you do know you has a daughter? And so does Saix...AND IT ISN'T XEMNAS'S! XD

lol. I had sugar.

Remember the wallet? Go get a puppy.

Axel, sing Pain by Three Days Grace. I mean, it's practically the Nobody song! (Except for the emoness...)

Roxas, I want you to sing In One Ear by Cage the Elephant.

Peace out and PEANUTS!

*tries to run through portal and trips*

heh heh. Oops. I guess I'll stay here. *sits on random chair in the rafters, in a dark corner and watches, randomly chucking popcorn at the hosts, co-hosts, and random other pplz*

Rena and I exchanged glances and put the plan in action. Kassie searched all over the worlds and eventually found the golden bunny...in Wonderland. And once she found Zexy all locked up in that box, she saved him, gave Rena the golden bunny and punched Saix in the looked at Rena and then at he wasn't that tall he only stood a tiny bit taller than her. He looked at her and held her slightly at her hips and leaned in so that her lips touched his. They held that position for about three seconds. Axel looked at Rena.

"Yes, yes I did." He replied.

"You're bizzare." Xemnas said mimicking Sora.

"You're bizzare." Said Saix mimicking Xemnas.

"But we already sang that song!" I protested. Roxas shrugged.

"Mmkay." He said and grabbed the mic.

_They say we ain't got the style  
We ain't got the class  
We ain't got the tunes that's  
Gonna put us on the map  
And I'm a phony in disguise  
Trin' to make the radio  
I'm an anti-social anarchist  
I sound like so and so_

They say I'm just a stupid kid  
Another crazy radical  
Rock'n'roll is dead  
I probably should have stayed in school  
Another generation X  
Who somehow slipped up through the cracks  
Oh they'd love to see me fall  
But I'm already on my back

[Chorus:]  
So it goes in one ear and right out the other  
People talking shit but you know I never bother  
It goes in one ear and right out the other  
People talking shit, they can kiss the back of my hand

Now I know I'm not a saint  
I've been a sinner all my life  
I ain't tryin' to hide my flaws  
I'd rather keep them in the light  
They want to criticize, scrutinize  
Cast another stone  
Burn me at the stake  
And sit and watch it from their throne

They say the devil is my pal  
I do alot of drugs  
The crowd will only like me  
If they're really fuckin drunk  
They think they know my thoughs  
But they don't know the least  
If they'd listen to the words  
They'd find a message tucked beneath

[Chorus]

Here's the moral to the story  
We don't do it for the glory  
We don't do it for the money  
We don't do it for the fame  
So all the critics who despise us  
Go ahead and criticize us  
It's your tyranny that drives us  
Adds the fire to our flames

So it goes in one ear and right out the other  
People talkin shit so you know we never bother  
So it goes in one ear and right out the other  
I'm only playing music 'cause you know i gucking love it  
It goes in one ear and right out the other  
People talking shit, they can kiss the back of my hand 

We once again clapped for the singer. Then, out of nowhere, I was hit with a flying ball of popcorn. I looked at Rena in the corner of the room.

"Really?" I asked her. She shrugged.

"The final review is from Fanboy, oh sorry, I meant ShinyStarz." I said.

**Hi everybody!**

Fanboy is back! :P

Now that there's a new chapter of YATA, I got some inspiration and I'm gonna post my questions and dares here!

Roxas: Since my favourite nobody of them all is a host in this show, I'm gonna start with you!

According to YATA you like Naminé more than Xion, so take Naminé to the most romantic place you know and kiss her there (if you want).

Here's a paopu fruit for you to share.

Xion: I know I already asked you in YATA, but...

If I sing you a song, will you kiss me?

*starts singing Til Kingdom Come by Coldplay, playing the melody on a guitar, hoping that, by the end of the song, Xion will kiss him*

DiZ: Go to Square Enix and become the main programmer! If you can build a virtual town, I am sure you can make one heck of a Kingdom Hearts game!

Larxene: *poofs in and turns Larxene into an extremely adorable baby*

Here, a pacifier! Now sit in a playpen and be cute.

Saïx: Go in Berserk Mode, look very threatening and strong with Darth Vader music playing, run to Axel in attempt to attack him and then...anticlimax time, trip over a banana peel!

Sora: Do that smile you did to Donald and Goofy before you sacrificed yourself again, that one was funny. Oh, and play a "what I like about you" game with Jenna!

King Mickey: Go to your Throne Room, walk all the way from the door to your throne and back for 3 times.

Now sing opera!

Naminé: since you are always so sweet and cute and all (BORING), I give you one chance to be bad! And I mean REALLY bad! So wear a black dress, hit a few people you don't like, surprise me with some fun pranks, just say goodbye to your sweet self for one chapter :3

Luxord: go outside for a walk in the park. Then suddenly it starts raining, all your cards get wet, and for no reason you start singing "Singing In The Rain"

Roxas: Give Luxord your umbrella joke weapon, I kinda feel bad for him.

Axel: Use the fastest way to get Luxord dry once he is inside again.

Marluxia: *poofs in and turns Marly into a baby too*

Sora put baby Marly in the playpen with Larxene.

Larxene: Start worshipping baby Marly

Goofy: Sing "The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers"

That's all.

"We will meet again. Someday soon. I promise!"

Roxas grabbed Namine's hand and together they watched the sun set on the Twilight Town tower. They had a paopu and sea-salt ice cream Roxas leaned over and kissed Namine. Then they returned to the studio. Xion felt conflicted, she liked Axel, but Fanboy was just so sweet and cute... well...she and Axel weren't really dating so she agreed and kissed Fanboy passionately. DiZ went to the Square Enix building, in what I believe is California, and started amking a bunch of new worlds for KH3. Larxene shrunk down to a pint size, and crawled around in her little playpen. She almost looked innocent. Saix went completely beserk and ran around trying to destroy my co-host.

"Axel! Come here!" Saix yelled.

"Nevvvvuuuuurrr!" Axel screamed. Just then Saix fell flat on his face due to a pesky banana peel. Sora did that cute, goofy smile and turned to me. And we started playing. Long story short, it ended up with his fingers through my hair and my tongue in his mouth. The King went to his throne room and did as was told. Let's just say, he didn't come back for a really long time. Namine smiled.

"Thank-you." She said. "I've been waiting for this opportunity for a while."

Luxord walked throught the maze at Wonderland and got all wet, just as planned. And then, went into a British singing frenzy. But as soon as he came back to the studio, Roxas gave him an umbrella.

"Thanks." He said sarcastically. Just then, Axel walked up and set poor ol' Luxord en fuego (A/N: On fire in Spanish.) Cute baby Marly was being bowed down to by baby brain damaged Larxene. Goofy started to sing.

"Oh, the wonderful things about Tiggers."

"Well," I said. "That's all the time we have right now."

"So read and review and we'll see you real soon!" We said.

(A/N: Okay so I told you I would tell you (a bit redundant, eh?) where I think each KH character was originally from. So, here goes:

Xemnas: California

Xigbar: Nevada

Xaldin: Nebraska

Vexen: Wisconsin

Lexaeus: Indiana

Zexion: Connecticut

Saix: Georgia

Axel: Illinois

Demyx: New Jersey

Luxord: England (D-U-H)

Marluxia: New York

Larxene: Minnesota

Roxas: Michigan (Obviously)

Xion: Louisiana

Namine: South Carolina

Sora: Florida

Kairi: Alaska

Riku: Colorado

Ventus: Kansas

Terra: Montana

Vanitas:New Mexico (I hate New Mexico...and Mr. Emptiness over here. BTW Vanitas is Latin for 'emptiness'.

Haru: Hawaii

Ansem: Idaho

Xehanort: Texas


	4. The Day It All Went To Hell

(A/N: WHOO! I totally dedicate this chapter to babyback ribs!)

I sat next to Kassandra, unable to move. They tied us down. With ropes.

Roxas gave them the idea...jackass. Axel set half the studio on fire and Demyx drowned us trying to put it out.

Thank-you Fanboy, because of your bad girl dare from the last chapter, Namine found my costume closet, put on the most intimidating biker chick outfit she could find, and is now driving all over my studio, spraying silly string on everything...did I mention she was wearing a bandana?

I tried and tried so very hard to scream above the contestants who were a bit busy running rampant at the moment.

"He-he-HELLO! AND WELCOME TO CONFESSIONS OF THE GODDAMN NOBODY!" I shouted. Kassie looked at me and shook her head slowly.

"I don't think that's the name!" She yelled back.

"It's funny, you'd think she'd know that by now." Zexion, who was strapped to a pole upside down reading, commented.

"Oh what do you know?" I asked angrily trying to break free from the knot Xigbar had created.

He shrugged. "Oh yes...what do _I _know." He stated sarcastically, continuing to read his book.

"Okay, maybe we should try and get ourselves out of this mess." I said, nobody listening to me as usual.

"Zexion, first of all, you strapped to a pole...upside down. Second, everyone in this place is acting like maniacs, HOW are you still reading?" Sora, who was also strapped upside down to a pole, asked. Zexion smirked.

"Like this." He said. "Rena," He called. Her feet were chained to the floor.

"Yes?" She replied.

"Will you be a darling and ever so kindly turn the page for me?" He asked her. She shrugged.

"Sure." She said, and turned the page for him.

"Guys, don't you really think we should start trying to figure our way out of here?" I asked once more. Still, no one payed attention to me. Sora looked blankly at Zexion.

"Wow," He said. "Just...wow."

"What?" Zexion asked. "I'm just using my resources."

"What?" Exclaimed Rena. "You were just using me?"

"HEY! HEY! Everybody calm down and HELP ME FIGURE OUT A SOLUTION TO GET OUT OF THIS FUCKING DILEMMA!" I shouted, so pissed at this point, I started making the chair bounce.

"Hey, that's not a bad idea." Kassie said.

"Yes I know. Thank you for FINALLY hearing me." I answered sarcastically.

"No smart ass, I meant the chair. If we can bang the chairs hard enough, they'll break and we can get on with the show. I mean, they're just wood right? It can't be that hard." She did have a bit of a point, but so did Sora.

"Um yeah, hi, I have one concern, won't that really hurt you guys?" He asked.

"Sora," I said, "we'll be fine."

He gave a quick nod."Okay...but how do I-" Zexion cut him off.

"_We._"

"Ugh, WE get down from here?" Sora asked.

"Yeah, and how do Rena and I get out of these chains?" Szayel asked.

"Guys, don't worry, we'll take care of it." I reassured. I looked at Kassie, prepared to bounce.

"You ready?" I asked.

"Ready, Freddie!" (A/N: Insider. Kassie and I are like twins so I'm Fred Weasley, and she's George.) And as if on command we we shouted:

"One, two, three, BOUNCE!" We ended up falling over side ways.

(A/N: Very anti-climactic, eh?)

BUT, with a bit of hope, the ropes had loosened and I was able to free all of us and use my authoress powers to poof up an air horn.

"!" The trouble makers in the room stopped dead and dropped to the floor.

(A/N: No, not dropped dead, stopped dead and DROPPED.:) Just clearing that up for you.)

It was silent. I got up, walked over to Roxas, and kicked him out of the room...also I locked the door. Padlocked the door. He banged and banged. I heard him have a screaming fit until his voice gave out...it was pretty damn funny.

"Um..." Szayel just stared at us for a REEAAALLL long time. "Well," He said. "I believe it's high time I got the hell out of here. It was NOT fun while it lasted." And with that, he backed out of the room...only he had to use the window and escape ladder because I was not going to risk him leaving out the main door and having Roxas attack him.

"Uhhhhhh...WELCOME TO AN OVERDUE EPISODE OF CONFESSIONS OF THE THIRTEENTH NOBODY!" I annouced.

(A/N: Now. I know you probably all hate me at the moment for not being on ff more, but before saying anything, you do realize this is not the only story I have right? -_-' Selfish freaks. JK.)

"Oh god!It is SO good to be back! And I'm NOT JUST SAYING THAT...I guess." I laughed.

"But I realize we have a slight problem." Kassie said.

"That's right!" Rena assured with a thumbs up and a cheesy smile.

"Oh yes! Our cast has been assholes for a while, so I am punishing everyone who was NOT tied up by not allowing them to co-host." I explained.

"So that means..." My assisstant hosts sang.

"That Marluxia, Axel, and... *glares door* Roxas." I hissed the name. "Are here by BANISHED from being the hosts in this episode. Which also means I have to choose NEW co-hosts. My logic for this is simple, since Marly, Axel, Roxy, Szayel, Rena, Kassie, and I were all co-hosts and I wanted to add a NEW one, that means we have 5 empty spots to fill. And I have decided to fill them with..."

I reached my hand down into a big bowl of anime characters name's and randomly drew five.

"Lizzy from Kuroshitsuji/ Black Butler, Stein from Soul Eater, and Poland, Prussia, and America from Hetalia!" I cheered. Kassie was in bliss world when she heard Stein was coming.

Rena however, looked sick to her stomach. She leaned over an whispered to me.

"Um, are you sure this is a good idea? Won't they like, KILL us? Maybe we could draw new ones and..."

"NAW MAN! THIS'LL BE GREAT! Five completely new people? What could be so bad about THAT?" God I am dumb.

Just then the fucking door just exploded and in ran Prussia and America...and Feliks...on a pony.

"HAHAHA! THE AWESOME TRAIN HAS ARRIVED!" America shouted.

"Hey Mer Mer, anything new?" I asked the perky American.

"Naw dude, it's actually been kinda boring at my place lately until about five seconds ago."

I hugged the blonde.

A yellow bird pecked me on the head.

"Hello? You know, you shouldn't keep awesome waiting!" Prussia complained. I hugged him too. Then it was Poland's turn.

The three got situated on the couch as I made my way back to my place next to Sora. The trio of countries decided to plop down right between the two of us. I didn't have time to be angry as Trinnean, the teenager who works on the set on the show and was just trying to fix the door just seconds before, was tapping my shoulder in annoyance.

"Umm, miss Crimson?" He asked me.

"Yesssss?"

"Are those more of your 'guests'?" He motioned towards 5 five people standing in the doorway which he was currently trying to work on.

"? CIEL! SEBASTIAN~!" I cried. I ran and jumped into the taller's arms. I let myself down and hugged Ciel. Behind them I saw Lizzie death staring me.

I awkwardly let go of Ciel.

"Jenna!" A pair of arms threw themselves around me and constricted my insides until I almost couldn't see. I would've passed out before knowing who it was if it wasn't for the second tall black-haired butler behind him.

"ACK! Alois! Ack! Alois!"

He giggled sadisticly.

"Haha, sorry luv." He let go and I rubbed my spine in pain.

"Yeah, no problem." I lied.

They explored the studio, everyone watching them.

They each chose seat and plopped down.

I sat down next to SoSo once more...well...kinda. From left to right it went Me, Sebastian, Ciel, Alois, Claude, America, Prussia, and Poland..then Sora.

Just as Trinnean was about done with door...

BOOM! It exploded once more.

"I GIVE UP!" The boy shouted standing up and dropping his tools. He stomped away like a sissy leavng the unfinished doorway wide open. So Stein invited himself in.

"Sure, just...come on in, it's not like you need to...be invited or anything..." I whispered to myself.

Kassie ran up to him. He did his adorable smile and toussled her hair.

She did an otaku sqeaul and fainted.

I immediately sent Rena and Zexion over to correct the situation.

Zexion just glared up at the man while trying to revive his wife.

_'How come she doesn't squeal like that for me anymore?'_ He asked himself angrily.

"Hello Stein." I smiled.

"Hey kiddo." Something was distracting him.

"Stein?"

"Yes?" He looked up at me.

"You are NOT aloud to disect ANYTHING, do I make myself clear?"

He smiled once more. "Crystal."

"Good." He too, found a seat. It was a rolley-chair from the corner; he sat with the front facing backwards as he always did.

"Well, look who it is!" Stein rolled over to Vexen. "My old college buddy!"

"Franken Stein. It's been years!"

He could not wait to compare notes with this man! Between Stein's research on the soul and his OWN research on the heart, they could make an unstoppable team!

Vexen leaned over to Xemnas.

"Superior! We should add Stein to the-"

"I am NOT making him an Organization member so you can have a little girlfriend." Xemnas said blandly. Vexen pouted. Saix giggled.

I was contempt. Zexion walked over to me and whispered,

"I don't like the way this STEIN guy acts, I think you should keep and eye on him." He complained.

"Oh sure, yeah! I'll keep that in mind and I'll remember it when it ACTUALLY BECOMES A PROBLEM." I told him. He stared shyly at his feet. Then at Kassie.

He walked back to his seat, obviously embarrassed.

"Well, we've already wasted about an hour from the show, what, with the mutiny that was exploding out around us." I harshly glared at my sheepish cast. A giggle came once more from a psychotic Alois.

"I LIKE mutiny." He said. I shook my head laughing.

"God...what is wrong with you?" I asked Alois and turned to the Black Butlers; they smiled as if they had not a single fucking idea...I don't think they did.

Just then, as we were all preoccupied by the sick, sick, Alois...we had forgotten...about Roxas...

Oh Roxas, you asshole.

He ran inside snickering evily. He threw a fucking frisbee at me. It hit me right in the face.

Motherfucker. That kid has good aim.

So when Roxas threw the only frisbee he had at me, he kinda just stood there. So I got up and I fucking reaper chopped him.

Stein chuckled at the thought of how bad those truly hurt.

"Owwwwwah! What'd cha' do THAT for?"

Then I slapped for being an idiot. And then I tied him down.

"Alright!" I yelled. "I believe it's time we actually start the show, so for the third time today, I shall say this." I took a dramatic pause.

"Hello, and welcome to Confessions Of The Thirteenth Nobody!" Everyone in the entire studio chanted with us.

"Super-duper!" I shouted. "So, our first review comes from PropertyOfDemyx, otherwise know as my good buddy, Samantha Politano!"

She started walking up on to the stage and the recently woken Kassie and I immediately yelled,

"FIIIINNNLAAAANDD!" Samantha smiled. Demyx waved furiously.

"Hi Sam!" He whispered. She made a little wavy-type hello.

"Personally I think that Stein should go the first time...and every other time too." Kassie said.

"Shhhhh...hush child." I cupped my hand around her mouth.

"Bu-bu-but I!"

"No...huuuussshhh."

"Well I think that Poland should be the one to read this one!" Samantha said. I nodded in agreement.

**SC** you Kassie! Nobody, but me, gets to be first! Wait, never mind, I let you...on the phone..never mind.**

Samantha: get your lazy arse off the chair and cause some major f***ery up on the stage. He**, if EchoesOfMemory could do it, so can you!

Sorry, been watching too much Demyx Time, had too many muffins, thinking too hard, you know the drill.

Anyway,

Xemnas: make it dark for a second, make Xigbar shoot you into the air, and then bring back the light.

Xigbar: watch the Demyx Time short called "Pickle"! HILARIOUS!

Xaldin: well, what else am i supposed to do with ou besides make fun of your power of wind, dreadlocks, and lances?Fine then, sedate yourself for a minute.

Vexen: What use is an Ice Shield? I can barely spell it right, and that's coming from me! Jeez, i seriously need an anger issue class...

Lexaeus: Hm, people forget about you a lot. That is very sad. Go do something good for yourself.

Zexion: Sing American Pie by Don McLean! Oldies are goodies!

Saix: teehee. So, how's the moon? I mean, is yours full? AHAHAHAHAH...yeah not really funny.

Axel: "Because fire is the devils only friend.

As i watched him up on the stage,

my hands were clenched in fists of rage,

No angel born in he**,

could break that Satan's spell!

And as the flames climbed high into the night,

to light the sacrificial rite,

I saw Satan laughing with delight,

the day, the music died.

He was singing,

Bye, Bye, Miss American Pie,

Drove my Chevy to the levvy,

but the levvy was dry.

Them good old old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye,

singing,

this'll be the day that I die" That was part of American Pie. Clearly, I have an obsession besides Kingdom Hearts. What is your opinion on this?

Demyx: Yay! =) you make me so happy, all the time. =)

Luxord: First off, don't call me 'luv'. Even though it's in character and cool. Second, chnage your studs to blue ones or gold ones!

Marluxia: That would make sense. Why are roses your favorite? I like spearmint, i have some growing in my own garden.

Larxene: wow your awesome. could i have a bite of one of your joke weapons?

Roxas: you did not just say "shucks". Great, more people turning into a Goofy every time they play the game. Just what we need.

Xion: I doubt it is phiscally possible for a Nobody to have a Nobody, but i'm mental, so it makes up for it!

Kassie: tsk, tsk. So OOC.

Jenna: FINALLY! A new chapter of this fantastic story.

Sora: relax now with Riku. No Jenna, not like in Pinnochio.

food. hurrah. a life-giving abundance. be GRATEFUL, now!

The new comers just stared at me mouths agape.

"What IS this show?" Ciel finally shouted breaking the awkward, but HILARIOUS silence. Everyone out in the audience just BURST into laughter.

"Wha-? What did I say?" Ciel raised his hands uin a questioning manner towards Sebastian as if to be saying, 'what the fuck?'.

They laughed even harder at his ignorance to the subject.

"Xemnas!" He looked up at me warily. "You're up." He took his chin off of it's resting place in the palm of his hand.

"Aw, sweet!" Xigbar shouted all excited-like. Just then Trinnean flipped the switch.

The lights were out everyone huddled together and I swear I felt ten different hands in three VERY bad places.

Then all of a sudden you heard was sadistic laughing and a gunshot and could only see a purple dart shoot out of nowhere.

It hit something...and someONE because just seconds later you heard the whipering of Xemnas. Trinnean turned the lights back on.

Xemnas was pinned to the cieling just haning there by the arrow stuck in the hood of his jacket.

"Wow, it's in there pretty good." Trinnean commented. At the same time Xigbar and I shouted,

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" The aggrevated teen rolled his eyes.

"I need to get payed more for this..." He whined.

Trinnean was a baby-girl man-boy.

Xigbar followed through with his dare thing by going on YouTube and searching up 'Demyx Time short: Pickle'.

"What in God's name?" He asked.

All of a sudden Xaldin punched himself in the face and was knocked unconcious.

"Well that's one way to do it..." I said. Xigbar leaned in.

"That's what she sai-"

"Oh would cha' get outta here?" I yelled. He laughed and ran.

"Well Samantha.." Vexen started. "An ice shield is good for fuck all!"

She looked at him strangely.

Lexaeus went out and bought himself a hat.

Zexion, still pissed at me from earlier, looked at Samantha, and started with the complaints.

"What? You have to be kidding me! I don't wanna sing and you already sang like, HALF the stupid song in your review."

Sam's eyes clouded with fury.

"That song is amazing! Don't EVAR call it stupid!" She yelled. Zexion instantly started singing.

_"__A long, long time ago  
I can still remember how  
That music used to make me smile  
And I knew if I had my chance  
That I could make those people dance  
And maybe they'd be happy for a while  
But February made me shiver  
With every paper I'd deliver  
Bad news on the doorstep  
I couldn't take one more step  
I can't remember if I cried  
When I read about his widowed bride  
But something touched me deep inside  
The day the music died(*)_

So, bye, bye Miss American Pie  
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry  
Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey and rye  
Singin' this'll be the day that I die  
This'll be the day that I die

Did you write the book of love  
And do you have faith in God above  
If the Bible tells you so  
Now do you believe in rock and roll  
Can music save your mortal soul  
And can you teach me how to dance real slow

Well, I know that you're in love with him  
'Cause I saw you dancin' in the gym  
You both kicked off your shoes  
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues  
I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck  
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck  
But I knew I was out of luck  
The day the music died  
I started singin'

Bye, bye Miss American Pie  
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry  
Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey and rye  
Singin' this'll be the day that I die  
This'll be the day that I die

Now, for ten years we've been on our own  
And moss grows fat on a rolling stone  
But, that's not how it used to be  
When the jester sang for the king and queen  
In a coat he borrowed from James Dean  
And a voice that came from you and me  
Oh, and while the king was looking down  
The jester stole his thorny crown  
The courtroom was adjourned  
No verdict was returned  
And while Lennon read a book on Marx  
The quartet practiced in the park  
And we sang dirges in the dark  
The day the music died  
We were singin'

Bye, bye Miss American Pie  
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry  
Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey and rye  
Singin' this'll be the day that I die  
This'll be the day that I die

Helter skelter in a summer swelter  
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter  
Eight miles high and falling fast  
Landed flat on the grass  
The players tried for a forward pass  
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast  
Now the half-time air was sweet perfume  
While sergeants played a marching tune  
We all got up to dance  
Oh, but we never got the chance  
'Cause the players tried to take the field  
The marching band refused to yield  
Do you recall what was revealed  
The day the music died  
We started singin'

Bye, bye Miss American Pie  
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry  
Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey and rye  
Singin' this'll be the day that I die  
This'll be the day that I die

Oh, and there we were all in one place  
A generation lost in space  
With no time left to start again  
So come on Jack be nimble, Jack be quick  
Jack Flash sat on a candlestick  
'Cause fire is the devil's only friend  
And as I watched him on the stage  
My hands were clenched in fists of rage  
No angel born in Hell  
Could break that Satan's spell  
And as the flames climbed high into the night  
To light the sacrificial rite  
I saw Satan laughing with delight  
The day the music died  
He was singin'

Bye, bye Miss American Pie  
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry  
Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey and rye  
Singin' this'll be the day that I die  
This'll be the day that I die

I met a girl who sang the blues  
And I asked her for some happy news  
But she just smiled and turned away  
I went down to the sacred store  
Where I'd heard the music years before  
But the man there said the music wouldn't play  
And in the streets the children screamed  
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed  
But not a word was spoken  
The church bells all were broken  
And the three men I admire most  
The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost  
They caught the last train for the coast  
The day the music died  
And they were singin'

Bye, bye Miss American Pie  
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry  
Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey and rye  
Singin' this'll be the day that I die  
This'll be the day that I die

They were singin'  
Bye, bye Miss American Pie  
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry  
Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey and rye  
Singin' this'll be the day that I die  
This'll be the day that I die"

"Wow Zexion, I'm thouroughly impressed." Kassie smiled and kissed his cheek. Zexion's ghost floated out of his body and up to heaven all anime-style.

Stein watched angrily from a distance dissecting my lunch. It was Pocky, Jelly Beans from Disney, a plum, pretzels, and a Goldfish sandwich.

"Um...I suppose it's full?" Saix asked himself staring off into space.

Axel stared blankly at this child.

"I can tell his said. And I guess it's cool I like the part about the fire and stuff..." Axel trailed off.

"Aw! Thanks Samantha! Same to you!" He kissed her. She was BLUSHING LIKE, MAD, CRAZY YO!

Luxord pouted at her. He changed them to gold because gold reminds him of a pimp.

"By the way," he said with that flucking epic British accent of his," LUV LUV LUV LUV LUV!"

"I like roses because they smell wonderful and their so pretty. But I believe there is more symbolism to it than that. I myself am sort of like a rose. Dainty and graceful, beautiful some would say, and yet, you best watch out for my thorns." He smiled evily. Sam back the hell up.

"What in the? NO! Although I do enjoy you ADMIRING me!" arxene said (taking this a little too seriously -_-')

Roxas' eyes lit on fire as did the rest of ours. We all thought the same thing.

"Thanks a lot Samantha! Now you just made me loose the game!" Roxas wailed.

Xion chortled. "Okay?"

"Ugh, I know RIGHT?" Kassie breathed angrily staring at me.

"Oh yes, you don't know how much we all feel that way." Rena laughed.

"What?" I screamed. "Sam! How'd you know about that?" Riku, Sora, and I blushed.

"And we are SO grateful Sam!" I concluded. "Next review is from Kassie!" I half said half screamed through a mouth full of burgerness.

"Prussia!" I called. "READ!"

"Okay!"

**Hey guys! And Zexy *Hugs him* I've been told in so many stories latley that you love me!**

Sora and Jenna: Ew. To much romance and detail. BLEGH.

Xemnas: Please dance with Dennis. Ballroom dancing that is!

Xigbar: Yo Xigbar, if its not to much to ask, could ya go to Sea World with me?

Xaldin: You must shave your sideburns for ONE CHAPTER!

Vexen: Please make a clone of yourself and hang around with him ALL DAY.

Lexaeus: Go to a concert and act like a teenager. Make some noise!

Zexy: Cuz we all know you love me-*hugs and kisses you* Jenna and I should so double date! And sorry, I was OOC last chapter... MAJORLY.

Saix: Go to Subway and act like a diehard Subway fan XD

Axel: You need to double date with Roxas and Daisy and Xion :)

Demyx: Triple date with Axel and the others!

Luxord: Luxord go to Universal Studios with me? You're up for just about anything which is why it would be fun to go with you.

Marluxia: I will give you some flowers and whatever you want.

Larxene: Go to Publix and scare everyone there by using only your presence and one bolt of lightning.

Roxas: Go on a date with Daisy.

Samantha: MEANIE! I was so close to reviewing! :(

That's all for now! I give you all brownies! *Nomming on Banana Bread*

Zexion blushed...hard.

I just glared at her trying to reach SoSo through like, ten different people.

Xemnas mad an odd face.

"How do I dance with a cardboard box?" He asked.

"DO IT." We chanted.

Xemnas picked up the many faces of Dennis and danced the viennese waltz.

Xiggy smiled.

"Sure thing, kid. After the show."

Xaldin looked SO CONFUSED.

"How in the hell am I supposed to shave them off for ONE CHAPTER?" He did it anyway.

He looked so much BETTER! You would not BELIEVE!

Vexen smiled oddly.

"My dear child, I already have a clone...it's Stein!" The two "twins" smiled their best maniacal evil scientist smile and began to snort with over-whelming laughing.

Kassie burst into laughter at the first sight of this. She also started bleeding from various holes on her head. She though Stein doing the Alois laugh was absolutely ADORABLE.

Zexion was NOT a happy camper.

Lexause went to go see a Skrillex concert. There were videos on the internet of that shit. It was AWESOME.

Zexion suddenly turned into a mushy three-year-old as Kassie kissed him.

Stein made a barfy sound and sneered away tightening his screw.

"Yes we should!" I said. She smiled at me.

Saix went to the local Subway. He was dressed up like Krillin from Dragon Ball Z. He then ran around the place screaming:

"WHOO! SUBWAY! YEAH! I LOVES ME THE CORNBEEF! WHOO! FIVE DOLLAR FOOTLONGS MOTHERUFCKER!" The manager escorted him...okay, he hit him with a baseball bat until his face was bleeding and he was laying on the sidewalk outside.

"No thanks...me and Xion realized that wouldn't work out."

"Aw! What happened?" I asked all sad-like.

"Well, we figured out after she tried to kill me seven times withing the first 15 minutes of our first date, so...yeah."

"Ahhh." I said sounding intrigued.

"Kinda can't now..." Demyx whined.

"Boy kiddo, you just wann go EVERYWHERE don't cha', luv?" Luxy asked. "After you and 2 get back from Atlantica."

"Hurray?" Asked a very confused Marly.

Larxene stepped inside the store. The lights went out. She then presented the terrified store-goers with a sadistic smile and a creepy-ass laugh. A bolt of lighting could be seen eminating around her hands. The people knew they were screwed.

Roxas rubbed his neck shyly.

"She kinda hates me?" He said.

"Sorry Kassie!" Samantha cried, runninng back to her seat.

"Num num brownies." I sang.

"Next review is from HighOnMusic, or Norbert!" Rena called. "Lizzy gets this one!"

**HI JENNA! :)**

Since my real name was revealed in a review for Kassie's "Dag And Norb's Adventure To A New Forest", you can call me by my name from now on. Or just Fanboy if you like :)

Well, let's roll:

NO! NO! NO! It's a lie! Xion and Axel are NOT in love!

Who made that up? I'm gonna kick your ass!

GRAAH!

...

I'm happy...

:)

Xion: *sitting on one knee* Xion, I... I... Oh just kiss me! *runs into Xion's arms*

Zexion: Do you like Harry Potter?

Jenna and Sora: do dirty stuff (bad luck Kassie :) gnagna)

Xehanort's Heartless: Go skateboarding! (Oops, there MIGHT be something wrong with the front two wheels...)

Luxord: LOBSTEEEER!

Xion: POOF! Now we both got wings! Will you fly with me?

Kairi: Throw a pie in Riku's face!

Everybody: Throw a pie in your own face!

Xion: let me lick the pie off your face!

Naminé: Here's a box of prank items! Resume the dare of the previous chapter!

Axel: Did I take Xion from you? I'm sorry...

I've tripled the power of your Firaga to make up for it.

Marluxia: Dive in a pool from a 100 feet high diving board!

Then go out of the pool. Now guess who's coming to dry you "the fastest way possible"!

Saïx: Play Popcorn on the piano... I don't know why... just do it.

And last... A BATTLE!

Riku VS Riku Replika on the Altar of Naught!

Jenna, Kassie, co-hosts and everyone else, you guys are still AWESOME! Sorry for such a stupid review, didn't really have any inspiration.

See you soon and... read my story =3

When I'll be back you say?

"Wouldn't you like to know..."

"HI FANBOY! I LOVE YOUR NAME BY THE WAY! NORBERT IS AN EPIC NAME! I also LOVE how everytime you leave me a review it ends in a KH quote. I'm not sure if you mean to do it, but I like when you do." I called out to him as he walked on to the stage.

He completely ignored me and went running straight for Xion.

They kissed passionately.

"Hello to you to." I whined.

"Oops," He apologized. "Sorry."

Zexion seemed to brighten up at this question.

"Why, of course I do! Harry Potter is WONDERFUL LITERATURE!"

I looked at Sora, then at Fanboy.

"Dude! After the show!" We blushed.

As soon as Xehanort stepped on to the stupid thing, the front two wheels seized up just like Fanboy said they would...how WEIRD. He ended breaking his face.

Luxord just stared at this strange foreigner,

"Is that some sort of inside joke I forced myself to forget?" He asked.

Xion and Fanboy were fluttering around the ceiling watching everyone throw pies on themselves.

"What in the hell am I doing?" Ciel shouted in confusion, having Sebastian wipe the pie off of his pale, English, face.

Of course, America would throw an apple pie in his face.

"PLEASE FANBOY! NO MORE BAD GIRL NAMI-CHAN~! IF YOU VALUE THE SAFETY OF YOUR FRIEND'S LIVES YOU WILL END THE MADNESS!" We cried. We being Kassie, Rena, and I.

Axel used his new firaga strength on Vanitas.

"Seriously?" The black-haired emo marshmallow (inside joke) questioned.

Marluxia emerged from the pool with practically no water left in it because he practically swalled it all.

"NO. NO. NONONONONONONO! OH GOD NO!" Marluxia spent a good ten minutes of hi time running from a newly charged Axel.

Saix sat down at the piano and play popcorn. Except it was really sucky because his hands were swollen from the LAST dare.

"Aw! Fanboy! It's not stupid! We think you're like, the coolest person EVAR!" I admitted.

"Can I read the next one?" America asked.

"Sure beans." I said. I don't know why I did.

"The next one is from DemyxChikk, or Dakota, and she asks:"

**Who is your favorite person to murder?**

"I am so frightened." He said.

"Umm..." And as if on que everonye just yelled:

"PASS!"

I looked at the reviews.

"Stein! Go for it!"

"With Pleasure!" He replied. "This is from godly345?"

Kassie and I looked at each other with hatred in our eyes...oh noes.

***jaws music plays* I think it is time to get the torture on bigtime**

Sora: Kairi is not over you and she is going to kill Jenna. O no she's going to rip up that Jenna voodo doll!*Kairi gets ready to shred said voodo doll*

Namine: Do NOT fall in love with your twin brother Roxas.*explains to Namine why*

Jenna: Help I accedenily had bigfoots follow me getting ready to murder.*hides behind couch*

OrginizationXIII: fight my Nobody Xylter. He's called the dimond mirror since he can copy the weapons and powers of any person. Human or Nobody.

Xion: you like Roxas I know it.*takes out Roxas shrine* this was found in your room.

Kassie: I saw your castle and house get taken away by a bunch of Bleach charaters.

Everyone: I have taken and destroyed all the sugary food out there. That includes candy, cake, icecream, and all the other desterts. Evil laughs so good everyone shake with fear*

"I like this guy." Stein commented. Suddenly Kassie was a little more interested in Zexion.

Kairi cowered in fear.

"I would NEVER do something like that to her!" She cried.

Namine just looked at this boy like he had six heads.

(Remember, she's still Bad Girl Namine.)

"What the fuck?" She asked. The she slapped him across the face with a bannana. (A/N: OOOPSS. Now Jack's monkey is gonna come down from the flagpole and rip mah nipples off D: !)

"Dude, what are you ON?" I asked him.

"Wait, woah, woah, woah, wait...that ain't fair!" Axel complained. It was pretty easy to defeat him since he was weak as FUCK. And also, the Organization is crazy-good kick-ass like a boss epic.

"LIES!" Xion screamed.

"No one is shaking from your dumb-as-fuck threats." Kassie and I shunned him as we poofed up more sugary treats with our awesomeness and our authoress powers.

"Last review! Who wants it?" Rena asked.

"I believe that Ciel should get it!" I called.

"Very well." Ciel replied. "Sebastian, read this review for me." The whole studio rolled their eyes.

"This is from Cloud In A Moogle Suit, other wise know as Jake."

**Hey SoraPsyco, it's me Cloud In A Moogle Suit. love your stories sis. That's right... SoraPsyco is my real sister.**

Axel: Can you fire lasers from your brain?

Demyx: Hey O'Donahue, how do you get your mullet so spikey?

Roxas: I dare you to eat 50 black olive and peperoni pizzas without barfing.

Kairi: tell Sora that you don't like him and force Sora to kiss Jenna and then explode into tiny firey Kairi bits.

Sora: break dance in front of everybody

Vexen: create a saix voodoo doll and poke it with a needle 20 to 30 times.

"Wow." I said sarcastiacally. "Way to brag and then go and spell my name wrong...TWICE."

"I don't blame him! But because of you, I now can remember how to spell psycho...which is a word I find I often use." Kassie explained

(A/N: No shit folks, this is for realz! Kassie actually told me this with her very own mouth!)

Axel looked at him strangely.

"Noooo BUT THAT WOULD BE SO FUCKIN' COOL!" He screamed.

"With shear AWESOMENESS...with white rian hair gel...actually." He replied sheepishly after triumph.

Roxas' eye went white and he looked as if about to barf just thinkin' about it.

"Jake, you stupid twat, I've told you before, that I cannot alow this. Though I WANT TO...I can't."

"I don't know how!" Sora complained.

"I'm sorry but I'm afraid I'm a bit busy at the moment." He said further dissecting my lunch (or what was left of it) with his "twin".

"Looks like we're all outta time for today so, uh...well...uh...this has been an...intresting? Episode? Thing...of Confessions Of The Thirteenth Nobody! So as always,"

"Read and review and we may or may not see ya' real soon!"

(A/N: OHMAHGAWD IMMALIVE! You are now free to dare Prussia, Poland, America, anyone I mentioned from Black Butler, and Stein! Will Kassie get to visit all the places she disired? Will Roxas be aloud on the premisis anymoar? Will the fight between Zexion and Stein over Kassie be any better than the battle between me and Kairi? Will Sora and ever sit next to each other again? Will I ever learn to update more? will more random people join us? Will I ever stop asking you these gay questions like at the end of a drama T.V. show in the 60's? Probably not! but find out anyway in the next installment of Confessions Of The Thirteenth Nobody! Love my fans!

KTHNXBAI :D!)


	5. Awkward, I Choose You!

(A/N: YAY! IT'S THE FIFTH CHAPTER OF COTTN! WAAAAHHH! I got some LONG-ASS reviews for this one so it's gonna have a LOt oF WOrdS iN IT! By the way there's a part right here at the beginning where we all FREAK THE FUCK OUT and it is just the funniest thing if you actually try to imagine this while listening to the song 'Cleanin' Up the Town' from Ghostbusters XD I PROMISE. NO DISSAPOINTS. Actually I issue a challange to my lovely readers. Go on to YouTube before starting the actual chapter. Look up 'Cleanin' Up The Town by The Busboys. If it's from Ghostbusters, you're on the right track. Don't start the video. Now when you're reading I will eventually say "Oh crap you guys." When it gets to that line start the song. Let the hilarity ENSUE MOTHERFUCKERS.)

"What the-?"

"Hahahaha! That's ridiculous!"

"Isn't it though?"

"What...IS that?"

"I think it's supposed to be an eyeball...er...something."

"Ahhh! I LOVE this video."

So there we all were.

All of us hosts watching the music video for PonPonPon.

Well...all of us except for Rena that is..you see. She was searching for the bathroom in my castle a couple of weeks ago and well...we haven't exactly "SEEN" her since then...yeah.

So by hosts I meant Me, Kassie, Roxas, America, Poland, Prussia, Stein, and Lizzy.

"What is she doing now?" Lizzy asked innocently.

"Did...did rainbows just come flyin' outta that chick's butt?" America laughed.

"HA! Look now she has cheese on her head! That's almost as awesome as me!"

"Hm...she is very interesting...I wonder what her soul looks like...perhaps I shall just have to disect her..." Stein commented creepily.

"WOW OKAY THAT'S REALLY WEIRD.."

"What the video

"Oh crap you guys..." I had just realized something I considered to be rather important. "The show was supposed to start like three fuckin' hours ago!"

All of us screamed and ran and panicked like little freaks to set everything up and get off our lazy asses, which, is not as easy as it sounds...

Kassie closed all the windows open on my laptop. Stein set all the chairs and sofas and bean bags up, with some help from Prussia. America and ran got all the props and food. Poland quick-fixed everyone's makeup. Lizzy closed all the open doors and fixed the clothes. Roxas ran up to my meeting room and grabbed all our reviews. Trinnean, my lowly assistant, rounded up the audience from outside the studio and yelled at all the stagehands. And I rallied up all the cast members and almost literally threw the lot of them on to the stage.

All the moving bodies of the cast and hosts instantaneously stopped and looked straight ahead at the lovely live studio audience (A/N: which means y'all who're readin' dis hurr.)

It was uncomfortably silent since we were all just having a fit a few seconds prior.

I looked at Kassie.

She looked at me.

And I looked at her.

And she looked at me.

And I looked at her.

And she looked at me.

And I looked at her and then I said, (A/N: Insider. Kassie'll get it.)

"HELLO... ANDWELCOMETOCONFESSIONSOFTHE THIRTEENTHNOBODY..."

I didn't mean to add to the tension already plentiful in the atmosphere but, it just kinda...came out like that. (A/N: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!)

The audience slow clapped and eventually excellerated to cheers.

Everyone sat down quietly. And no one said anything. No noises were made...which is probably why it was so silent...

"Um...so...how y'all been?" I asked.

"Well we were all quite alright until about thirty seconds ago when we were hastily dragged out on to the stage..." Claude interrupted.

"NOBODY ASKED YOU, YOU FUCKKARD!" I screamed and pointed a finger at him.

I don't like him.

Obviously.

That just made the air in the room even MORE tense.

Kassie decided to start things off since the rest of my hosts are incompetent.

"The first review," She stated. "Is from...me... Jesus this just can't get anymore awkward can it?!" She almost laughed while saying it.

**First off, I'm glad we got back to these again dear buddy**

SECOND OFF.

Stein: *Hugs tightly* Dear Lord Death, you are the coolest guy EVER!...B-besides ZEXION of course..heh...*Looks at husband*

Sebastian: Here is a kitten. Obsess over her. *Hands over a jet black kitten with piercing blue eyes*

Xemnas: Hello dear MANSEX. Lol, no just kidding..Uh...how has your day been?

Xigbar: YAR HAR FIDDLE DI DEE, BEING A PIRATE IS ALRIGHT TO BE! DO WHAT YOU WANT CAUSE A PIRATE IS FREE. YOU. ARE. A PIRATE!

...

That is all

Xaldin: Hello most hated member of Organization XIII. Did you miss me? Because I didn't miss you. And fact just the mention of your name in this story made me sad...JUST KIDDING. Braid your dreadlocks!

Vexen: Vexen...do you have those kinds of feelings for Stein? ...Because I don't want your souls to be compatible like THAT.

Lexaeus: Now...be as silent as a rock...

Zexion: *Hugs tightly* I missed you my adorable husband! Like...to infinity and back here then back again! *Kisses his cheek*

Saix: yay...Did you have fun being a weirdo? Until they uh...hurt you?

Axel: Aww...Well uh...YOU ARE MY HYPOTHETICAL BROTHER. Because apparently we are a lot alike

Demyx: Are you a brony? Please tell me you are...

EVERYONE: Are YOU a brony? o.o That would be so cool.

Luxord: Fancy teaching me some British terms? I LOVE Britain.

Marluxia: Hmm... You have to... Go to an anime convention. HAVE FUN.

Larxene: Hey..hey Larxene...Roxas thinks you're a dude.

Roxas: NO SEA SALT FOR YOU...Stop bein a jackass...

America: So...Mr. Hero... wanna play scary games with me? *Grins*

Prussia: Is your name CONSTANTLY mispronounced as RUSSIA rather then Prussia?

Poland: What shade is a wicked hipster pink?

DENNIS: BE MAD.

Ah, after a whole year almost, and I realize (although it seems impossible) we HAVE matured. . . Whoops.

THAT IS ALL...I think...

I smiled at her. "I do too!"

Stein's insides were constricted by Kassie. Zexion looked very hurt. I wanted to comfort him but that would just start up shit that NO ONE would wanna deal with, TRUST ME.

Sebastian took the small creature from Kassandra and stared at it in awe.

"Cat loving idiot..." Ciel complained, though he was actually just jealous of all that attention...

"Thank you. Thank you for that. And well, Jenna kind of asked us that already but, I guess I'm better than yesterday..." Manse- I mean Xemmy, replied.

"Why? What happened yesterday?" I asked.

"Well..."

*FLASHBACK*

"Augh!" Xemnas cried stepping in melted gum while wearing his brand new shoes, which just so happen to be his favorites.

"I think God hates me..." He complained quietly.

Strolling foward, he came to a small cafe on the corner of Emptyness Lane and Nothingness Road.

He entered and the small Asian woman at the counter smiled up at him.

"Oh! Mister Xemnas! How good to see you! Where you been?" She asked in her horribly, HORRIBLE Chinese accent.

"Hello Mrs. Yu Shi."

"You have your usual?" She asked him.

He nodded.

"I bring it right away!" About 30 seconds later, Mrs. Yu Shi (whose eyesight is NOT 20-20), pickup the teapot and starts pouring the tea into the cup.

Well, actually she was pouring scaulding hot tea on Xemmy-kun's right hand without even noticing it. This blindingly painful event continued on four about ten seconds until he finally had the strength to move the cup under the liqiud fire.

Only a few drops of the stuff got into the cup before Mrs. Yu Shi finally stopped pouring.

"It on the house!" She said sweetly.

_'And on my hand...'_ He thought.

*END FLASHBACK*

I supressed laughter.

"PFFFFT! H-how u-un-PFFFT-fortunate" I giggled *XD*

"YAAAAAARRRRGH!" Xigbar croaked.

"I will do no such thing!" Xaldin protested. It didn't matter though, his petty attempts to escape my rope snakes were futile.

We then proceeded to let Lizzy braid his hair.

Vexen scoffed in disgust.

"Wha-?! How? I can't even...I-WHAT? OF COURSE NOT NO!" He stuttered in complete denial of his oh-so-obvious bromance with Stein.

"..." Lexaeus said...didn't say...STOP MAKING MY BRAIN HURT!

Zexion blushed like a little schoolgirl. Stein glared at them. Zexion saw this and felt it absolutely necessary to make Stein feel even more neglected. So he formulated an evil plan in his brain. He decided to kiss her...FULL ON THE LIPS. He stared at Stein for the whole five-second-long kiss just to prove that this battle was FAR from over.

Saix sneered at Kassie.

"Of course! I LIVE to embarass myself!"

"Hmm, I'm picking up on some sarcasm." Kassie observed.

"Well, ya' should 'cause I'm layin' it on PRETTY thick." He replied.

(A/N: TEN POINTS FOR THE FIRST ONE TO NAME WHERE THAT QUOTE CAME FROM!)

"Uh, I don't remember that ever being a real thing...but it's cool that we're alike!" Axel said.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Demyx whispered. "Does that answer your question?" He asked with a smile.

She nodded happily.

"I AM RAINBOW DASH!" I practically screamed.

"Fluttershy is so cute!" Sam commented.

"Ya' dude! I'm totally like Rainbow Dash!" America said. "And Fluttershy reminds me of someone though..." He added.

"Canada?" I asked.

"Who?"

"Nevermind -_-'..."

"I like Rarity the best! She like, TOTALLY has an AMAZING fashion sense!" Poland said.

"MLP: FIM FTW!" Axel and Roxas shouted.

"Why are you speaking in abreviations?'

"IDK." They answered.

Luxord put on his reading glasses and the lecture began. (A/N: Skip this if you want because it goes on forever I promise.)

**Ace** - If something is ace it is **awesome**. I used to hear it a lot in Liverpool. Kids thought all cool stuff was ace, or _brill_.

**Aggro** - Short for aggravation, it's the sort of thing you might expect at a football match. In other words - **trouble**! There is sometimes aggro in the cities after the pubs shut!

**All right?** - This is used a lot around London and the south to mean, **"Hello, how are you"**? You would say it to a complete stranger or someone you knew. The normal response would be for them to say "All right"? back to you. It is said as a question. Sometimes it might get expanded to "all right mate"? Mostly used by blue collar workers but also common among younger people.

**Anti-clockwise** - The first time I said that something had gone anti-clockwise to someone in Texas I got this very funny look. It simply means **counter-clockwise** but must sound really strange to you chaps! I think he thought I had something against clocks!

**Any road** - Up north (where they talk funny!) instead of saying **anyway**, they say "any road"! Weird huh?

**Arse** - This is a word that doesn't seem to exist in America. It basically means the same as **ass**, but is much ruder. It is used in phrases like "pain in the arse" (a nuisance) or I "can't be arsed" (I can't be bothered) or you might hear something was "a half arsed attempt" meaning that it was not done properly.

**Arse about face** - This means you are doing something **back to front**.

**Arse over elbow** - This is another way of saying **head over heels** but is a little more descriptive. Usually happens after 11pm on a Saturday night and too many lagers! Some Americans say **ass over teakettle** apparently!

**Arse over tit** - Another version of _arse over elbow_, but a bit more graphic!

**Arsehole** - **Asshole** to you. Not a nice word in either language.

**Arseholed** - **Drunk**! Usually in the advanced stages of drunken stupor, someone would be considered "completely arseholed". Never me, of course!

**As well** - You chaps say **also** when we would say "too" or "as well". For instance if my friend ordered a Miller Lite, I would say "I'll have one as well". I often heard people saying something like "I'll have one also". You'd be more likely to hear someone in England ordering a pint of _lager_!

**Ass** - Your backside, but mostly a **donkey**!

**Au fait** - Another one of those French expressions that have slipped into the English language. This one means to be **familiar** with something. I'd say at the end of reading all this you'd be au fait with the differences between American and English!

**Baccy** - **Tobacco**. The sort you use to roll your own.

**Bang** - Nothing to do with your hair - this is a rather unattractive way of describing having **sex**. Always gets a smile from Brits in American hair dressers when they are asked about their bangs.

**Barmy** - If someone tells you that you're barmy they mean you have gone **mad** or **crazy**. For example you'd have to be barmy to visit England without trying _black pudding_!

**Beastly** - You would call something or somebody beastly if they were really **nasty** or **unpleasant**. Most people would consider you a snob or an upper class _git_ if you used this word. People like Fergie can get away with it though.

**Bees Knees** - This is the polite version of _the dog's bollocks_. So if you are in polite company and want to say that something was **fabulous**, this phrase might come in handy.

**Belt up** - For some reason I heard this quite a lot as a kid. It's the British for **shut up**.

**Bender** - I used to go out on a bender quite frequently when I was at university. Luckily bender doesn't only mean a **gay** man, it also means a **pub crawl** or a **heavy drinking session**.

**Bespoke** - We say something is bespoke if it has been created especially for someone, in the same way that you say **custom**. For example a computer program might be bespoken for a client, or you may order a bespoke _holiday_, where the travel agent creates an itinerary around your exact requirements.

**Best of British** - If someone says "The best of British to you" when you are visiting the UK, it simply means **good luck**. It is short for "best of British luck".

**Biggie** - This is unusual. A biggie is what a child calls his **poo**! Hence the reason Wendy's Hamburgers has never really taken off in England - who would buy "biggie fries"? Yuck - I'm sure you wouldn't buy **poo fries**! The other meaning of Biggie is **erection**. It just gets worse!

**Bite your arm off** - This is not aggressive behaviour that a football fan might engage in. In fact it just means that someone is over excited to get something. For instance you might say that kids would bite your arm off for an ice cream on a sunny day.

**Bladdered** - This rather ugly expression is another way of saying you are **drunk**. The link is fairly apparent I feel!

**Blast** - An exclamation of surprise. You may also hear someone shout "blast it", or even "bugger and blast"!

**Blatant** - We use this word a lot to mean something is really **obvious**.

**Bleeding** - An alternative to the word _bloody_. You'll hear people say "bleeding hell" or "not bleeding likely" for example.

**Blimey** - Another exclamation of surprise. My Dad used to say "Gawd Blimey" or "Gor Blimey" or even "Cor Blimey". It is all a corruption of the oath **God Blind Me**.

**Blinding** - If something is a blinding success - it does not mean that any eyes were poked out with sharp sticks - it means it was **awesome**.

**Blinkered** - Someone who is blinkered is **narrow minded** or narrow sighted - they only see one view on a subject. It comes from when horses that pulled carriages wore blinkers to stop them seeing to the side or behind them which stopped them from being startled and only let them see where they were going.

**Bloody** - One of the most useful swear words in English. Mostly used as an exclamation of surprise i.e. "bloody hell" or "bloody nora". Something may be "bloody marvellous" or "bloody awful". It is also used to emphasise almost anything, "you're bloody mad", "not bloody likely" and can also be used in the middle of other words to emphasise them. E.g. "Abso-bloody-lutely"! Americans should avoid saying "bloody" as they sound silly.

**Blooming** - Another alternative to the word _bloody_. You might hear someone say "not blooming likely" so that they don't have to swear.

**Blow me** - When an English colleague of mine exclaimed "Blow Me" in front of a large American audience, he brought the house down. It is simply an exclamation of surprise, short for "Blow me down", meaning something like I am so surprised you could knock me over just by blowing. Similar to "Well knock me down with a feather". It is not a request for services to be performed.

**Blow off** - Who blew off? Means who **farted**? Constant source of amusement to us Brits when you guys talk about blowing people off. Conjours up all sort of bizarre images!

**Blunt** - If a saw or a knife is not sharp we say it is blunt. It is also the way most of us speak! In America the knife would be **dull**.

**Bob's your uncle** - This is a well used phrase. It is added to the end of sentences a bit like **and that's it**! For example if you are telling someone how to make that fabulous banoffee pie you just served them, you would tell them to boil the condensed milk for three hours, spread it onto a basic cheesecake base, slice bananas on top, add some whipped _double cream_, another layer of banana and Bob's your uncle!

**Bodge** - We bodge things all the time here. I'm sure you do too! To do a bodge job means to do a quick and dirty. Make it look good for the next day or two and if it falls down after that - hey well we only bodged it! Applies to building, DIY, programming and most other things.

**Bogey** - **Booger**. Any variety, _crusty dragons_ included!

**Bollocks** - This is a great English word with many excellent uses. Technically speaking it means **testicles** but is typically used to describe something that is no good (that's bollocks) or that someone is talking rubbish (he's talking bollocks). Surprisingly it is also used in a positive manner to describe something that is the best, in which case you would describe it as being "the dog's bollocks". Englishmen who live in America take great delight in ordering specialised registration plates for their cars using the letters B.O.L.L.O.X. Good eh?

**Bomb** - If something costs a bomb it means that it is really **expensive**. We say it when we see the price of insurance in the US, you could try saying it when you see how much jeans or _petrol_ cost over here!

**Bomb** - If something goes like a bomb it means it is going **really well** or **really fast**. Or you could say an event went down like a bomb and it would mean that the people really enjoyed it. In the US the meaning would be almost exactly the reverse.

**Bonk** - Same meaning as _shag_. Means to **have sex**. E.g. "Did you bonk him/her?".

**Botch** - There are two expressions here - to botch something up or to do a botch job. They both mean that the work done was not of a high standard or was a clumsy patch. My Dad used to always tell me that workmen had botched it up and that he should have done the work properly himself.

**Bottle** - Something you have after twenty pints of lager and a curry. A lotta bottle! This means **courage**. If you have a lotta bottle you have **no fear**.

**Box your ears** - Many young chaps heard their dads threaten to box their ears when I was a littlun. Generally meant a **slap** around the head for misbehaving. Probably illegal these days!

**Brassed off** - If you are brassed off with something or someone, you are **fed up**. **Pissed** perhaps.

**Brill** - Short for "brilliant". Used by kids to mean **cool**.

**Budge up** - If you want to sit down and someone is taking up too much space, you'd ask them to budge up - **move** and make some space.

**Bugger** - This is another fairly unique word with no real American equivalent. Like _bloody_ it has many uses apart from the obvious dictionary one pertaining to rather unusual sexual habits. My father was always shouting "bugger" when he was working in the garage or garden. Usually when he hit his thumb or dropped a nail or lost something. Today we might use the sh** or the f*** words but bugger is still as common. The fuller version of this would be "bugger it". It can also be used to tell someone to get lost (bugger off), or to admit defeat (we're buggered) or if you were tired or exhausted you would be buggered. You can also call someone a bugger. When I won £10 on the lottery my mate called me a "lucky bugger".

**Bugger all** - If something costs bugger all, it means that it costs **nothing**. Meaning it is cheap. If you have bugger all, it means you have **nothing**.

**Bum** - This is the part of your body you sit on. Your **ass**! It might also be someone who is down and out, like a _tramp_. You might also bum around, if you are doing nothing in particular, just hanging out. Finally to bum something means to **scrounge** it from someone.

**Bung** - To bung something means to **throw** it. For example a street trader might bung something in for free if you pay cash right now! Or you could say "bung my car keys over, _mate_".

**Bung** - A bung is also a **bribe**.

**Butchers** - To have a butchers at something is to **have a look**. This is a cockney rhyming slang word that has become common. The reason "butchers" means a **look** even though it doesn't rhyme is because it is short for "butchers hook" and "hook" of course, does rhyme.

**C of E** - The Church of England. Our official **protestant** church - of which the Queen is the head.

**Chat up** - To chat someone up is to try and **pick them up**. If you spotted a _scrummy_ girly in a bar you might try to chat her up. Or a girl might try and chat up a chap!

**Cheeky** - "Eee you cheeky monkey" was what my mother said to me all the time when I was a kid. Cheeky means you are **flippant**, have too much lip or are a bit of a _smart arse_! Generally you are considered to be a bit cheeky if you have an answer for everything and always have the last word. My licence plate on my MX5 (Miata in American) was CHEEKY, which most Texans thought was something to do with bottoms - wrong!

**Cheerio** - Not a breakfast cereal. Just a friendly way of saying **goodbye**. Or in the north "tara" which is pronounced sort of like "churar".

**Cheers** - This word is obviously used when drinking with friends. However, it also has other colloquial meanings. For example when saying **goodbye** you could say "cheers", or "cheers then". It also means **thank you**. Americans could use it in English pubs, but should avoid the other situations as it sounds wrong with an American accent. Sorry!

**Cheesed off** - This is a polite way of saying you are **pissed off** with something.

**Chin Wag** - This is another word for a **Chat**. You can probably tell why!

**Chinese Whispers** - This a good one. It refers to the way a story gets changed as is passes from one person to the next so that the end result may be completely different from what was originally said. Sound familiar?

**Chivvy along** - When I'm standing patiently in the checkout _queue_ at Tesco I like to chivvy along the old ladies in front of me. If only they would stop _fannying around_ and **hurry up**!

**Chuffed** - You would be chuffed to bits if you were really **pleased** about something.

**Clear off!** - This expression brings back memories of being a kid and stealing apples from people's gardens. Sometimes we would get caught and some old _bloke_ would come out and shout "oi clear off you lot". It basically means **get lost**.

**Cobblers** - I have heard people say "what a load of cobblers" more than once. Maybe that's because I talk so much _rubbish_. An equivalent would be _what a load of bollocks_. It means you are talking out of your butt and has nothing to do with any kind of dessert! Derived from the cockney rhyming slang where Cobblers Awls = Balls!

**Cock up** - A cock up means you have made a **mistake**. It has nothing to do with parts of the male body.

**Cockney rhyming slang** - There are lots of words that make up cockney rhyming slang. These are basically rhyming words like "butchers hook" which means "look". If you are in London and you hear someone talk about a Septic they are probably talking about you - because it's short for "Septic tank" which equals "yank", which is our word for an American. How do you like that!

**Codswallop** - Another one I heard a lot as a kid - usually when I was making up excuses for how the window got broken or why my dinner was found behind the sofa. My Dad would tell me I was talking a load of codswallop. American kids might be talking **baloney** under the same circumstances.

**Cor** - You'll often hear a Brit say "cor"! It is another one of those expressions of surprise that we seem to have so many of. It will sometimes be lengthened to "cor blimey" or "cor love a duck", depending on where you are. "Cor blimey" is a variation of "Gawd Blimey" or "Gor Blimey". They are all a corruption of the oath "God Blind Me".

**Cracking** - If something is cracking, it means it is the **best**. Usually said without pronouncing the last "G". If a girl is cracking it means she is **stunning**.

**Cram** - Before a big exam you would be expected to cram. This simply means to **study hard** in the period running up to the exam.

**Crap** - The same word in both countries - but less rude here. I loved watching Brits being interviewed on US _chat shows_ and embarrassing the interviewer when they said something was "total crap".

**Crikey** - Another exclamation of surprise. Some people say "Crikey Moses".

**Crusty dragon** - A **booger**. One of the really crispy ones.

**Daft** - My Dad used to call me a daft 'apeth which is short for a daft half penny (in old money). It basically means **stupid**.

**Dekko** - To have a **look** at something.

**Dear** - If something is dear it means it is **expensive**. I thought Texan insurance was dear.

**Dicky** - Dicky rhymes with sicky and means you feel **sick**.

**Diddle** - To **rip someone off** or to **con** someone is to diddle them. When you visit England, check your change to make sure you haven't been diddled!

**Dim** - A dim person is **stupid** or _thick_ or a _dimwit_. **Dimwit** - Someone a bit on the dim side.

**Dishy** - If someone is a bit of a dish or a bit dishy it means they are **attractive** or **good looking**.

**DIY** - This is short for **do it yourself** and applies not just to the DIY stores but also to anything that you need to do yourself. For example, if we get really bad service in a restaurant (oh, you noticed!) then we might ask the waiter if it is a DIY restaurant - just to wind them up.

**Do** - A **party**. You would go to a do if you were going to a party in the UK.

**Do** - If you go into a shop and say "do you do batteries?" it means "do you **sell** batteries".

**Do** - If you drive along a motorway in the wrong lane the police will do you. You could then tell your friends that you have been done by the police. **Prosecute** is another word for it!

**Doddle** - Something that is a doddle is a **cinch**, it's easy. Unlike ordering water in Texas with an English accent, which is definitely not a doddle!

**Dodgy** - If someone or something is a bit dodgy, it is not to be trusted. Dodgy food should be thrown away at home, or sent back in a restaurant. Dodgy people are best avoided. You never know what they are up to. Dodgy goods may have been _nicked_. When visiting Miami I was advised by some English chums that certain areas were a bit dodgy and should be avoided!

**Dog's bollocks** - You would say that something **really fantastic** was the dog's bollocks. Comes from the fact that a dog's bollocks are so fantastic that he can't stop licking them! Nice huh? Often shortened to just "The dog's".

**Dog's dinner** - If you make a real **mess** of something it might be described as a real dog's dinner. A bit like some joint Anglo-American approaches to Eastern Europe for example!

**Donkey's years** - Someone said to me the other day that they hadn't seen me for donkey's years. It means they hadn't seen me for **ages**.

**Drop a clanger** - When I asked a large lady on the _tube_ if she would like my seat since she was so obviously pregnant, she took the seat then told me she was fat, not pregnant! Boy did I drop a clanger. You might **make a gaffe**. Either way it was horrendously embarrassing, especially as half the people on the _tube_ had heard me!

**Duck** - In and around Leeds you will find older people might call you "duck" in the same way that they might call you "love" or "dear" in other places. Usually pronounced more like "dook", which rhymes with "book".

**Duff** - Anything that is duff is **useless, junk, trash**. It usually means that the object doesn't do the job it was intended for. Our last Prime Minister was pretty duff!

**Duffer** - Any person that is duff could be referred to as a duffer. The Prime Minister was a duffer.

**Dull** - You would say something that was no longer sharp was dull. We would say _blunt_. To us something is dull if it is **boring**. It can apply to things - like a _film_ could be dull. It also applies to people - I can think of several people who are dull!

**Easy Peasy** - A childish term for something very easy. You might say it's a **snap**.

**Engaged** - When you ring someone and they are already on the phone you will get the engaged tone. In other words, they will be engaged. You would say you get the **busy** signal or the line is **busy**.

**Excuse me** - This is a great one! It's what kids are taught to say when they belch in public. We are also taught to say "pardon me" if we fart out loud. Unfortunately in American "excuse me" means you are encroaching in someone's personal space and you say "pardon me" when you don't hear someone properly. Imagine our surprise when we discovered that actually Americans are not belching and farting all the time.

**Faff** - To faff is to **dither** or to _fanny around_. If we procrastinated when getting ready for bed, as kids, our Dad use tell us we were faffing around.

**Fagged** - If you are too lazy or tired to do something you could say "I can't be fagged". It means you can't be **Bothered**.

**Fagging** - Fagging is the practice of making new boys at boarding schools into slaves for the older boys. If you are fagging for an older boy you might find yourself running his bath, cleaning his shoes or performing more undesirable tasks.

**Fancy** - If you fancy something then it means you **desire** it. There are two basic forms in common use - food and people. If you fancy a cake for example it means you like the look of it and you want to eat it. If you see someone of (hopefully) the opposite sex then you might fancy them if you liked the look of them and wanted to get to know them a little better!

**Fanny** - This is the word for a woman's **front bits**! One doesn't normally talk about anyone's fanny as it is a bit rude. You certainly don't have a fanny pack, or smack people on their fannys - you would get arrested for that! Careful use of this word in the UK is advised!

**Fanny around** - I'm always telling people to stop fannying around and get on with it. It means to **procrastinate**. Drives me mad!

**Fiddle sticks** - I have an old Aunt who is much too well mannered to swear. So when the need arises for a swear word, she will substitute "fiddle sticks".

**Filch** - To filch is to **steal** or **pilfer**. The origin is apparently unknown.

**Fit** - Fit is a word that I have heard a lot recently - it seems to be making a comeback. A fit _bird_ means a girl who is pretty **good looking** or tasty! A fit _bloke_ would be the male equivalent.

**Flog** - To Flog something is to **sell** it. It also means to beat something with a whip, but when your wife tells you she flogged the old TV it is more likely she has sold it than beaten it (hopefully!).

**Fluke** - If something great happened to you by **chance** that would be a fluke. When I was a kid my Mum lost her engagement ring on the beach and only realised half way home. We went back to the spot and she found it in the sand. That was a fluke.

**Flutter** - I like to have a flutter on the horses. It means to have a **bet**, usually a small one by someone who is not a serious gambler.

**Fortnight** - **Two weeks**. Comes from an abbreviation of "fourteen nights". Hence terms like "I'm off for a fortnights holiday" meaning "I am going on a two week vacation".

**Fruity** - If someone is feeling fruity then they are feeling **frisky**. Watch out!

**Full monty** - Since the movie has come out of the same name I have heard some odd Texan descriptions of what the full monty means. It really has nothing to do with taking your clothes off. It just means the **whole thing** or going the **whole way**. That's it. Clearly when applied to stripping it means not stopping at your underwear! The origins of the expression are still under discussion. There are many theories but no conclusive evidence at the moment.

**Full of beans** - This means to have **loads of energy**. It is a polite way of saying that a child is a maniac. I was often described as being full of beans as a kid and now it is my wife's way of telling me to keep still when she is trying to get to sleep. Strangely the same expression in some parts of the US means that you are exaggerating or talking _bollocks_!

**Gagging** - **Desperate**, in a fat slaggy kind of a way. Not nice.

**Gallivanting** - The dictionary says "to gad about", which probably doesn't help much! It means **fooling around** or **horseplay**.

**Gander** - When I was a kid, my Dad often used to go off for a gander when we were visiting a new town or village. It means to **look around**.

**Gen** - Gen means **information**. If you have the gen then you know what is going on.

**Gen up** - To **research a subject** or to **get some information**.

**Get lost!** - Politely translated as **go away**, this is really a mild way of telling someone to f*** off!

**Get stuffed!** - Even politer way to tell someone to _get lost_ is to tell them to get stuffed. However, this is still not a nice thing to say to someone.

**Getting off** - This seems to be the objective of most teenagers on a big night out. Getting off with someone means **making out** or _snoggingh_ them.

**Give us a bell** - This simply means **call me**. You often hear people use the word "us" to mean "me".

**Gobsmacked** - **Amazed**. Your gob is your mouth and if you smack your gob, it would be out of amazement.

**Good value** - This is short for good value for money. It means something is a **good deal**.

**Goolies** - If you have been kicked in the goolies, your eyes would be watering and you would be clutching your **balls**!

**Gormless** - A gormless person is someone who has absolutely no clue. You would say **clueless**. It is also shortened so you could say someone is a total gorm or completely gormy.

**Grem** - The form of _gob_ meaning **to spit** something out. e.g. Did you see him grem? Yuck. Usually associated with that ghastly noise as the content of the lungs are coughed into the mouth before gremming can take place. Grem is also the word that describes the green lump that is created in the process. You might call it **hacking** up a **hacker**.

**Grub** - **Food**. Similar to _nosh_. I remember my Dad calling "grub's up", when dinner was ready as a kid. A grub is also an insect **larva**. Not usually eaten in England. Actually is available in some Australian restaurants!

**Gutted** - If someone is **really upset** by something they might say that they were gutted. Like when you are told that you have just failed your driving test!

**Haggle** - To haggle is to argue or negotiate over a price. Most people that _wangle_ stuff are usually quite good at haggling. I just learnt that in the USA you **dicker** over a price, particularly for used cars!

**Hanky panky** - Hanky panky - or "slap and tickle" as some older folks call it - would be **making out** in America.

**Hard** - After your 20 pints of _lager_, the curry or the _doner_, your average 20 year old feels hard. Since his male organ has no chance of working at this stage, hard clearly refers to something else - it means he is ready to fight anything or anybody or to take on any bet. This is the time to make fun of drunken lads by betting them they can't jump off the end of the pier, hang on to the back of a bus etc.

**Hard lines** - This is another way of saying hard luck or **bad luck**.

**Hash** - The thing you call a **pound sign**! Before you ask, yes it is also something you smoke - see _wacky backy_. Also to make a real hash of something means you really **screwed it up**.

**Have** - This one used to wind me up a treat in Texas. When we were in restaurants with friends, they would say to the waiter something like "Can I **get** a refill". And the waiter would go and get them a refill. No no no - that's completely wrong. It's "Can I HAVE a refill". Not GET! If you say "Can I GET a refill" in the UK, the waiter will give you a funny look and tell you where to go and GET it - yourself!

**Healthy** - **Healthful**. I'm not really sure if this is slang or whether the American use of healthful is the real alternative to the English "healthy". We talk about a healthy lifestyle and about healthy food. I never heard anyone say smoking was "unhealthful" in the US but I suppose that must exist too!

**Her Majesty's pleasure** - When visiting England, try to avoid being detained at Her Majesty's pleasure. This means being **put in prison** with no release date!

**Hiya** - Short for **hi there**, this is a friendly way of saying **hello**.

**Honking** - Honking is **being sick** or **throwing up**. Presumably this is a problem in New York where there are signs on the streets that say "No Honking".

**Horses for courses** - This is a common saying that means **each to his own**. What suits one person might be horrible for someone else. If my Dad was trying to understand why my brother had wanted to get his ear pierced he might say "Oh well, it's horses for courses I suppose"!

**How's your father?** - This is a very old term for **sex** which plays on our apparent British sensitivity. Rather than saying the actual "sex" word you could refer to having a bit of How's your Father, instead - nudge, nudge, wink, wink. The sort of old fashioned saying dragged up by Austin Powers.

**Hump** - If you have got the hump it means you are in a **mood**. If you are having a hump, it means you are **having sex**. Care is advised when you try using these words for the first time. It could be embarrassing!

**Hunky-dory** - My English dictionary tells me that hunky-dory means **excellent**. We would generally use it to mean that everything is **cool** and groovy, on plan, no worries and generally going well.

**I'm easy** - This expression means **I don't care** or **it's all the same to me**. Not to be confused with how easy it is to lure the person into bed!

**Irony/sarcasm** - The cornerstones of British humour. This is one of the biggest differences between the nations. The sense of humour simply doesn't translate too well.

**Jammy** - If you are really lucky or **flukey**, you are also very jammy. It would be quite acceptable to call your friend a jammy b****rd if they won the lottery.

**Jimmy** - Actually short for Jimmy Riddle. i.e. I'm off for a Jimmy Riddle. This is Cockney rhyming slang for **piddle**!

**John Thomas** - Yet another word for a blokes _willy_! I always felt a bit sorry for people who were actually called John Thomas. What were their parents thinking?

**Jolly** - You hear people use this in all sorts of ways, but basically it means **very**. So "jolly good" would mean **very good**. A common exception is where you hear people say "I should jolly well think so!" which is more to emphasise the point.

**Keep your pecker up** - This is one way of saying **keep your chin up**. Use with caution as in some places your pecker is also your _willy_!

**Khazi** - Another word for the _toilet_. Our version of your **bathroom**.

**Kip** - A short **sleep**, forty winks, or a snooze. You have a kip in front of the _telly_ on a Sunday afternoon.

**Knackered** - The morning after twenty pints and the curry, you'd probably feel knackered. Another way to describe it is to say you feel shagged. Basically worn out, good for nothing, **tired out**, knackered.

**Knees up** - If you're having a knees up, you're going to a **dance** or **party**.

**Knob** - Yet another word for your _willy_.

**Knock off** - To knock something off is to **steal** it, not to copy it!

**Knock up** - This means to **wake someone up**. Although it seems to have an altogether different meaning in the USA! At one time, in England, a _chap_ was employed to go round the streets to wake the workers up in time to get to work. He knew where everyone lived and tapped on the bedroom windows with a long stick, and was known as a "knocker up". He also turned off the gas street lights on his rounds. Another meaning of this phrase, that is more common these days, is to **make something** out of odds and ends. For example my Dad knocked up a tree house for us from some planks of wood he had in the garage, or you might knock up a meal from whatever you have hanging around in the fridge.

**Knockers** - Another word for **breasts**.

**Knuckle sandwich** - If somebody offers you a knuckle sandwich you'd be best to decline the offer and leave at the next convenient moment. It isn't some British culinary delight - they're about to **thump you in the face**.

**Leg it** - This is a way of saying **run** or **run for it**. Usually said by kids having just been caught doing something naughty. Well it was when I was a kid!

**Left, right and centre** - If you have been looking left, right and centre, it means you have been searching **all over**.

**Love bite** - You call them **hickies** - the things you do to yourself as a youngster with the vacuum cleaner attachment to make it look like someone _fancies_ you!

**Lurgy** - If you have the lurgy it means you are **ill**, you have the **Flu**. Don't go near people with the lurgy in case you get it!

**Luvvly-jubbly** - Clearly another way of saying **lovely**. Made famous by the TV show Only Fools and Horses.

**-ly** - These are two letters that seem to be left off words in America. I never heard anyone say something was "really nice" or "really cool", they would say **real nice** and **real cool**. We would be sent to the back of the class for grammar like that!

**Mate** - Most chaps like to go to the pub with their mates. Mate means **friend** or _chum_.

**Momentarily** - As you come into land at an American airport and the announcement says that you will be landing momentarily, look around to see if anyone is sniggering. That will be the Brits! I never did figure out why they say this. Momentarily to us means that something will only happen for an instant - a very short space of time. So if the plane lands momentarily will there be enough time for anyone to get off? Weird!

**Morish** - Also spelt "moreish", this word is used to describe desserts in my house, when a single helping is simply not enough. You need more! It applies to anything - not just desserts.

**Mufti** - An old army term for your "civvies". Civilian clothes that is, rather than your uniform.

**Mug** - If someone is a bit of a mug, it means they are **gullible**. Most used car salesmen rely on a mug to show up so they can sell something!

**Mush** - Rhymes with "push". Slang word for your mouth as in "shut your mush". Also means _mate_ as in "Alright mush?. Which means **"Hi"**!

**Mutt's nuts** - If something is described as being "the Mutt's" then you'll know it is **fantastic** or **excellent**. "The Mutt's" is short for "The Mutt's nuts" which is clearly another way of saying the _"Dog's Bollocks"_! All clear now?

**Naff** - If something is naff, it is basically **uncool**. Anoraks are naff, _salad cream_ is also naff. You could also use it to tell someone to naff off, which is a politer way of telling them to f*** off!

**Nancy boy** - If someone is being pathetic you would call them a nancy or a nancy boy. It is the opposite of being _hard_. For example in cold weather a nancy boy would dress up in a coat, hat, gloves and scarf and a hard guy would wear a t-shirt. It's also another word for a **gay** man.

**Nark** - If someone is in a nark, it means they are in a **bad mood**, or being grumpy. It's also the word for a **spy** or **informant**. For example a coppers nark is someone who is a police informant - which you might call a **stoolie** or **stool-pigeon**. The origin is from the Romany word, nak, meaning "nose".

**Narked** - In the UK you would say that someone looked narked if you thought they were in a bad mood. In the US you might say that someone was **pissed**. We definitely would not say that, as it would mean they were drunk!

**Nesh** - My Dad used to call me a nesh wimp when I was a kid and I wanted him to take me places in his car because it was too cold to go on my bike. He meant I was being **pathetic** or a bit of a _nancy boy_. He might have had a point!

**Nice one!** - If someone does something particularly impressive you might say "nice one"! to them. It is close the Texan **good job** that you hear all the time.

**Nick** - To nick is to **steal**. If you nick something you might well get _nicked_.

**Nicked** - Something that has been **stolen** has been nicked. Also, when a copper catches a burglar red handed he might say "you've been nicked"!

**Nitwit** - See _twit_.

**Nookie** - Nookie is the same as _hanky panky_. Something you do with your _bird_!

**Nosh** - **Food**. You would refer to food as nosh or you might be going out for a good nosh up, or meal! Either way if someone has just cooked you some nosh you might want to call it something else as it is not the nicest word to describe it.

**Not my cup of tea** - This is a common saying that means something is **not to your liking**. For example if someone asked you if you would like to go to an all night rave, they would know exactly what you meant if you told them it was not exactly your cup of tea!

**Nowt** - This is Yorkshire for **nothing**. Similarly _owt_ is Yorkshire for **anything**. Hence the expression "you don't get owt for nowt". Roughly translated as "you never get anything for nothing" or "there's no such thing as a free lunch".

**Nut** - To nut someone is to **head butt** them. Nutting is particularly useful when at a football match.

**Off colour** - If someone said you were off colour they would mean that you look **pale** and **ill**! Not quite the same as something being off colour in the US!

**Off your trolley** - If someone tells you that you're off your trolley, it means you have gone raving bonkers, **crazy**, **mad**!

**On about** - What are you on about? That's something you may well hear when visiting the UK. It means what are you **talking about**?

**On the job** - If you are on the job, it could mean that you are **hard at work**, or **having sex**. Usually the context helps you decide which it is!

**On the piss** - If you are out on the piss, it means you are out to **get drunk**, or to get _pissed_.

**On your bike** - A very polite way of telling someone to f*** off.

**One off** - A one off is a **special** or a **one time** event that is never to be repeated. Like writing this book!

**Owt** - This is Yorkshire for **anything**. Similarly _nowt_ is Yorkshire for **nothing**. Hence the expression "you don't get owt for nowt". Roughly translated as "you never get anything for nothing" or "there's no such thing as a free lunch".

**Pants** - This is quite a new expression - I have no idea where it came from. Anyway, it is now quite trendy to say that something which is **total crap** is "pants". For instance you could say the last episode of a TV show was "total pants".

**Pardon me** - This is very amusing for Brits in America. Most kids are taught to say "pardon me" if they fart in public or at the table etc. In America it has other meanings which take us Brits a while to figure out. I thought I was surrounded by people with flatulence problems!

**Parky** - Either short for Michael Parkinson, a famous chat _show host_, or more likely a word to describe the weather as being **rather cold**!

**Pass** - This means **I don't know** and comes from the old TV show, Mastermind, where contestants were made to say "pass" if they did not know the answer to the question.

**Pavement pizza** - Well here the _pavement_ is the sidewalk and a pavement pizza is a descriptive way of saying **vomit**. Often found outside Indian restaurants early on a Sunday morning.

**Peanuts** - I hated one of my summer jobs as a kid because it paid peanuts. The full expression is that if you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. It is a fairly derogatory way of saying that manual labour doesn't need to be bright and doesn't need a lot of pay. Typically these days peanuts means something is **cheap**. For example we would say the _petrol_ in the USA is peanuts or costs peanuts. Compared to our prices it is.

**Pear shaped** - If something has gone pear shaped it means it has become a **disaster**. It might be preparing a dinner party or arranging a meeting, any of these things can go completely pear shaped.

**Piece of cake** - I remember saying it's a piece of cake in front of one of my American friends, who then started looking around for the cake! It means **it's a cinch**!

**Pinch** - This means to **steal** something. Though when you say "steal" it is a bit more serious than pinch. A kid might pinch a cake from the kitchen. A thief would steal something during a burglary.

**Pip pip** - Another out-dated expression meaning **goodbye**. Not used any more.

**Piss poor** - If something is described as being "piss poor" it means it is an **extremely poor** attempt at something.

**Piss up** - A piss up is a **drinking session**. A visit to the pub. There is an English expression to describe someone as disorganised which says that he/she could not organise a piss up in a brewery!

**Pissed** - This is a great one for misunderstanding. Most people go to the pub to get pissed. In fact the object of a _stag night_ is to get as pissed as possible. Getting pissed means getting **drunk**. It does not mean getting angry. That would be getting pissed off!

**Pissing around** - **Fooling about**, in the sense of messing around or making fun or just being silly. Not terribly polite.

**Plastered** - Another word for **loaded**. In other words you have had rather too much to drink down your _local_. It has nothing to do with being covered with plaster though anything is possible when you are plastered.

**Porkies** - More cockney rhyming slang. Short for "porky pies", meaning "pork pies". Rhymes with **lies**. My Mum always used to tell me I was telling porkies! And she was right!

**Porridge** - Doing porridge means to **serve time** in prison. There was also a comedy TV series called Porridge about a prisoner starring Ronnie Barker of The Two Ronnies fame.

**Posh** - Roughly translates as **high class**, though if you look at Posh Spice there are clearly exceptions to the rule! Comes from the cabins used by the upper class on early voyages from England to India. The coolest (and most expensive cabins) were **P**ort side on the way **O**ut and **S**tarboard on the way **H**ome.

**Potty** - This isn't just the thing you sit a toddler on - if you are potty it means you are a little **crazy**, a bit of a looney, one card short of a full deck.

**Pound sign** - Ever wondered why Brits flounder when voicemail messages say to press the pound sign? What on earth is the British currency doing on a phone anyway? Well, it isn't. To a Brit, the pound sign is the wiggly thing we use to denote the UK pound (or _quid_), in the same way you have a dollar sign.

**Prat** - Yet another mildly insulting name for someone. In fact, this one is a bit ruder than _pillock_ so you probably wouldn't say it in front of Grandma.

**PTO** - This is an abbreviation for "please turn over". You will see it on forms in the UK where you would see the single word **over** in the USA.

**Puff** - If a Brit starts giggling in your local drugstore - it may be because they have just found a box of Puffs. To some of us Brits a Puff is another word for a **fart**. Stems from the cockney rhyming slang, to "Puff a dart".

**Pukka** - This term has been revived recently by one of our popular young TV chefs. It means **super** or **smashing**, which of course is how he describes all his food.

**Pull** - Me and the lads used to go to the disco when we were on the pull. It means **looking for **_**birds**_. Of course, it works the other way round too. The ladies may also be on the pull, though probably a bit more subtly than the _chaps_!

**Pussy** - This is what we call our **cat**, as in "pussy cat", or in the fairytale, Puss in Boots. So if you have a Brit neighbour who asks if you have seen their pussy - try to keep a straight face and think back the last time you saw their cat!

**Put a sock in it** - This is one way of telling someone to **shut up**. Clearly the sock needs to be put in their loud mouth!

**Put paid to** - This is an expression which means **to put an end to something**. For example you could say that rain put paid to the cricket match, meaning it stopped play.

**Queer** - Apart from the obvious gay link, this word used to be used a lot to mean someone looked **ill**. As in "You look queer". Of course you might not say that these days in case you get either picked up, or thumped!

**Quid** - A **pound** in money is called a quid. It is the equivalent to the **buck** or **clam** in America. A five pound note is called a fiver and a ten pound note is called a tenner.

**Quite** - When used alone, this word means the same as **absolutely**!

**Rat arsed** - Yet another term for **drunk**, _sloshed_ or _plastered_. You might say **loaded**. In the UK, loaded is a men's magazine that covers sex and football.

**Read** - If someone asks you what you read at _university_, they mean what was your **major** at school.

**Really** - This is one of those words where you say almost the same thing as us, but just can't be _fagged_ to finish it off. The word is "really", not **real**. You say things like it's real hot, something's real cool, a baby is real cute. If we said that we would be sent to the back of the class for our grammar - or lack of it!

**Redundancy** - If you are made redundant it means you are **laid off**.

**Reverse the charges** - When you want to _ring_ someone up and you have no money you can call the operator and ask to reverse the charges in the UK. In the US you would **call collect**.

**Right** - I'm feeling right _knackered_. That would mean you were feeling **very** tired.

**Ring** - You would ring someone on the phone not **call** them, in the UK. Try saying "give me a ring" to the next Brit you meet. This does not work well in reverse. I asked someone in a shop to ring me up and he dragged me to the till and pulled my head across the scanner!

**Roger** - Same kind of problem that Randy has here, except we have people called Roger and no Randys. You will see a strange smile on the face of a Brit every time "Roger the Rabbit" is mentioned! To roger means to have your wicked way with a lady. My Oxford English Dictionary says **to copulate**. You might say **screw**.

**Round** - When you hear the words "your round" in the pub, it means it is your turn to **buy the drinks** for everyone in the group - nothing to do with the size of your tummy! Since beers are more and more expensive these days, the art of buying the rounds has developed into ensuring you buy the first one before everyone has arrived, without being obvious!

**Row** - Rhymes with "cow" this means an **argument**. You might hear your Mum having a row with your Dad, or your neighbours might be rowing so loud you can hear them!

**Rubbish** - The stuff we put in the _bin_. **Trash** or **garbage** to you. You might also accuse someone of talking rubbish.

**Rugger** - This is short for "rugby". It is a contact sport similar to your **football** but played in muddy fields during winter and rain. Not only that, but the players wear almost no protection!

**Rumpy pumpy** - Another word for _hanky panky_, or a bit of _nookie_! Something two consenting adults get up to in private! Theoretically!

**Sack/sacked** - If someone gets the sack it means they are **fired**. Then they have been sacked. I can think of a few people I'd like to sack!

**Sad** - This is a common word, with the same meaning as _naff_. Used in expressions like "you sad b***ard".

**Scrummy** - This is a word that would be used to describe either some food that was particularly good (and probably sweet and fattening).

**Scrumping** - To go **stealing** - usually apples from someone elses trees!

**Send-up** - To send someone up is to **make fun** of them. Or if something is described as being a send-up it is equivalent to your **take-off**. Like Robin Williams does a take-off on the British accent - quite well actually!

**Shag** - Same as _bonk_ but slightly less polite. At seventies parties watch the look of surprise on the Englishman's face when an American girl asks him if he would like to shag. Best way to get a Brit to dance that I know! You can even go to shagging classes!

**Shagged** - Past tense of _shag_, but also see _knackered_.

**Shambles** - If something is a shambles it is **chaotic** or a real **mess**. It's also a very old name for a slaughterhouse. So if you ever visit The Shambles in York, then the name does not refer to the somewhat shambolic nature of the buildings; it's a reference to the site it's built on - an old slaughterhouse!

**Shambolic** - In a state of **chaos**. Generally heard on the news when the government is being discussed!

**Shirty** - "Don't get shirty with me young man" was what my Dad used to tell me when I was little. He was referring to my response to his telling off for doing some terrible little boy thing. Like tying my brother to the back of Mum's car or putting my shoes in the toilet. It meant I was getting **bad tempered**.

**Shite** - This is just another way of saying **shit**. It is useful for times when you don't want to be overly rude as it doesn't sound quite as bad!

**Shitfaced** - If you hear someone saying that they got totally shitfaced it means they were out on the town and got steaming **drunk**. Normally attributed to _stag nights_ or other silly events.

**Shufti** - Pronounced shooftee, this means to take a **look** at something, to take a _butchers_! It's an old Arabic word, picked up by British soldiers during World War II, in North Africa.

**Sixes and sevens** - If something is all at sixes and sevens then it is in a mess, topsy turvy or somewhat haywire!

**Skew-whiff** - This is what you would call **crooked**. Like when you put a shelf up and it isn't straight we would say it is all skew-whiff.

**Skive** - To skive is to **evade** something. When I was a kid we used to skive off school on Wednesdays instead of doing sports. We always got caught of course, presumably because the teachers used to do the same when they were fourteen!

**Slag** - To slag someone off, is to **bad mouth** them in a nasty way. Usually to their face.

**Slapper** - A slapper is a female who is a bit loose. A bit like a _slag_ or a _tart_. Probably also translates into **tramp** in American.

**Slash** - Something a _lager lout_ might be seen doing in the street after his curry - having a slash. Other expressions used to describe this bodily function include; siphon the python, shake the snake, wee, **pee**, piss, piddle and having a _jimmy_.

**Sloshed** - Yet another way to describe being **drunk**. Clearly we need a lot of ways to describe it since getting _plastered_ is a national pastime.

**Smarmy** - Another word for a **smoothy**, someone who has a way with the ladies for example. Usually coupled with "git" - as in "what a smarmy git". Not meant to be a nice expression, of course.

**Smart** - When _we_ say someone is smart, we are talking about the way they are dressed - you might say they look **sharp**. When _you_ say someone is smart you are talking about how intelligent or clever they are.

**Smashing** - If something is smashing, it means it is **terrific**.

**Smeg** - This is a rather disgusting word, popularised by the TV show, Red Dwarf. Short for smegma, the dictionary definition says it is a "sebaceous secretion from under the foreskin". Now you know why it has taken me 3 years to add it in here. Not nice! Rather worryingly smeg is also the name of a company that makes ovens!

**Snap** - This is the name of a card game where the players turn cards at the same time and shout "snap" when they match. People also say "snap" when something someone else says has happened to them too. For example when I told somebody that my _wallet_ was stolen on holiday, they said "snap", meaning that theirs had too!

**Snog** - If you are out on the _pull_ you will know you are succeeding if you end up snogging someone of the opposite sex (or same sex for that matter!). It would probably be referred to as **making out** in American, or serious kissing!

**Snookered** - If you are snookered it means you are up the famous creek without a paddle. It comes from the game of snooker where you are unable to hit the ball because the shot is blocked by your opponent's ball.

**Sod** - This word has many uses. My father always used to say "Oh Sod!" or "Sod it!" if something went wrong and he didn't want to swear too badly in front of the children. If someone is a sod or an "old sod" then it means they are a bit of a **bastard** or an old _git_. "Sod off" is like saying "piss off" or "get lost" & "sod you" means something like "f*** off". It also means a chunk of lawn of course. You can usually tell the difference!

**Sod all** - If you are a waiter in America and you serve a family of Brits, the tip is likely to be sod all or as you would call it - **nothing**. Because we don't know about tipping.

**Sod's law** - This is another name for **Murphy's law** - whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

**Sorted** - When you have **fixed a problem** and someone asks how it is going you might say "sorted". It's also popular these days to say "get it sorted" when you are telling someone to get on with the job.

**Speciality** - This is another one where you chaps drop your "I". when I first saw **specialty** written down in the US I thought it was a mistake. But no! We love our I's!

**Spend a penny** - To spend a penny is to **go to the bathroom**. It is a very old fashioned expression that still exists today. It comes from the fact that in ladies _loos_ you used to operate the door by inserting an old penny.

**Splash out** - If you splash out on something - it means you throw your senses out the window, get out your credit card and **spend far too much money**. You might splash out on a new car or even on a good meal.

**Squidgy** - A chocolate cream cake would be squidgey. It means to be **soft** and, well, squidgey!

**Squiffy** - This means you are feeling a little **drunk**. Some people also use it to mean that something has **gone wrong**.

**Starkers** - Avoid being seen starkers when visiting England. It means **stark naked**.

**Stiffy** - Yet another word for **erection**.

**Stone the crows** - This is an old expression with the same meaning as "cor _blimey_".

**Stonker** - This means something is huge. Looking at the burger you might say "_blimey_ what a stonker". It is also used to refer to an **erection**! Clearly English modesty is a myth!

**Stonking** - This weird word means **huge**. You might say "what a stonking great burger" if you were in an American burger joint.

**Strop** - If someone is **sulking** or being particularly miserable you would say they are being stroppy or that they have a strop on. I heard an old man on the train tell his wife to stop being a stroppy cow.

**Stuff** - A recent headline in the New Statesman read "stuff the millennium". Using stuff in this context is a polite way of saying "**f***** the millennium". Who cares! Stuff it! You can also say "stuff him" or "stuff her" meaning they can _sod off_.

**Suss** - If you heard someone saying they had you sussed they would mean that they had you **figured out**! If you were going to suss out something it would mean the same thing.

**Sweet fanny adams** - This means **nothing** or _sod all_. It is a substitute for "sweet f*** all". It is also shortened further to "sweet F A".

**Swotting** - Swotting means to **study hard**, the same as _cram_ does. Before exams we used to swot, not that it made any difference to some of us. If you swotted all the time, you would be called a swot - which is not a term of endearment!

**Ta** - We said "ta" as kids in Liverpool for years before we even knew it was short for **thanks**.

**Table** - We use this word in exactly the opposite way. To us a motion is tabled when it is brought to the table, or suggested for consideration. You table a motion when it is left for a later date.

**Taking the biscuit** - If something really takes the biscuit, it means it **out-does** everything else and cannot be bettered. Some places in America they said **takes the cake**.

**Taking the mickey** - See _taking the piss_. Variations include "taking the mick" and "taking the Michael".

**Taking the piss** - One of the things Americans find hardest about the Brits is our sense of humour. It is obviously different and is mainly based on irony, sarcasm and an in-built desire to "take the piss". This has nothing to do with urine, but simply means **making fun** of someone.

**Talent** - Talent is the same as _totty_. Checking out the talent means looking for the sexy young girls (or boys I suppose).

**Tara** - Pronounced "churar", this is another word for _cheerio_ or **goodbye**. Cilla Black, a _scouse_ TV presenter has probably done most to promote the use of this word as she says it all the time on her programmes.

**Throw a spanner in the works** - This is an expression that means **to wreck something**.

**Tickety-boo** - If something is **going well** with no problems we would say it is tickety-boo.

**Tidy** - Apart from the obvious meaning of **neat**, tidy also means that a woman is a looker, **attractive** or sexy.

**To** - We go to school from ages 5 to 18. You might go to school from ages 5 **thru** 18. We don't say **thru** in that context at all. If we did though, we would say "through"!

**Todger** - As if we don't have enough of them already, this is yet another word for your _willy_, or **penis**.

**Toodle pip** - This is an old expression meaning **goodbye**. However, I only hear it when Americans are doing impressions of Brits as it has fallen into disuse, along with steam trains and gas lights.

**Tool** - Yet another word for your _willy_ or **penis**. You'd think we were obsessed.

**Tosser** - This is another word for _wanker_ and has exactly the same meaning and shares the same hand signal. Unfortunately my house in Texas was in Tossa Lane, which was a problem when telling older members of the family where to write to me!

**Totty** - If a chap is out looking for totty, he is looking for a nice **girl** to chat up. There is an Italian football player called Totti - which is pronounced the same. It's really funny hearing the commentators when he gets the ball saying "it's Totty for Italy". It sounds like some beautiful Italian girlies have invaded the pitch.

**TTFN** - Short for "ta ta for now". Which in turn means **goodbye**! Said by older folks and one Radio Two DJ in particular.

**Twat** - Another word used to insult someone who has upset you. Also means the same as _fanny_ but is less acceptable in front of your grandmother, as this refers to parts of the female anatomy. Another use for the same word is to twat something, which would be to **hit** it hard. Get it right or I'll twat you over the head!

**Twee** - Twee is a word you would generally hear older people say. It means **dainty** or **quaint**. A bit like the way you chaps think of England I suppose.

**Twit** - You twit! Not so rude as calling someone an **idiot** but it amounts to the same thing. Remember Monty Python's "Twit of the Year" competition? Other versions include "nitwit".

**Two finger salute** - When you see a Brit stick up two fingers at you in a V shape, he may be ordering two of something (if his palms are toward you). The other way around and it's an insult along the lines of your one finger salute. Which, by the way, is very popular here now too!

**U** - A letter used far more in British. It is in words like colour, favour, labour etc. I think this is why UK keyboards have 102 characters on them instead of your 101, or is it because they have a _pound_ sign on them?

**Uni** - Short for university, we would say we went to uni like you would say you went to **school**. School here is just for kids.

**Wacky backy** - This is the stuff in a joint, otherwise known as **pot** or **marijuana**!

**Waffle** - To waffle means to **talk** on and on about nothing. It is not something you eat. Americans often think that Brits waffle on about the weather. The truth of course is that our news reports last 60-120 seconds and the weather man is not hyped up to be some kind of superstar as he is on the TV in the US. If you want to see an example of real waffle watch the weather channel in Texas where there is nothing to talk about other than it is hot and will remain so for the next 6 months. Another example is the ladies who waffle on about anything on the Home Shopping Network. They would probably be classed as professional wafflers!

**Wangle** - Some people have all the luck. I know some people that can wangle anything; upgrades on planes, better rooms in hotels. You know what I mean.

**Wank** - This is the verb to describe the action a _wanker_ participates in.

**Wanker** - This is a derogatory term used to describe someone who is a bit of a **jerk**. It actually means someone who masturbates and also has a hand signal that can be done with one hand at people that cannot see you shouting "wanker" at them. This is particularly useful when driving.

**Watcha** - Simply means **Hi**. Also short for "what do you" as in "watcha think of that"?

**Waz** - On average, it seems that for every pint of lager you need to go for a waz twice! A complete waste of time in a serious drinking session. It means **wee** or **pee**.

**Well** - Well can be used to accentuate other words. for example someone might be "well hard" to mean he is a **real man**, as opposed to just "_hard_". Something really good might be "well good". Or if you were really really pleased with something you might be "well chuffed". Grammatically it's appalling but people say it anyway.

**Welly** - If you "give it welly", it means you are **trying harder** or **giving it the boot**. An example would be when accelerating away from lights, you would give it welly to beat the guy in the mustang convertible in the lane next to you. Welly is also short for _wellington boots_, which are like your **galoshes**.

**Whinge** - Whingers are not popular in any circumstance. To whinge is to **whine**. We all know someone who likes to whinge about everything.

**Willy** - Another word for **penis**. It is the word many young boys are taught as it is a nicer word than most of the alternatives. Some people also use it for girls as there are no nice alternatives. Hence "woman's willy". Also used by grown ups who don't wish to offend (this word is safe to use with elderly Grandparents).

**Wind up** - This has a couple of meanings. If something you do is a "wind up" it means you are **making fun** of someone. However it you are "wound up" it means you are **annoyed**.

**Wobbler** - To "throw a wobbly" or to "throw a wobbler" means to **have a tantrum**. Normally happens when you tell your kids they can't have an ice cream or that it's time for bed.

**Wonky** - If something is **shaky** or **unstable** you might say it is wonky. For example I changed my chair in a restaurant recently because I had a wonky one.

**Write to** - When visiting the US one can't help noticing that you **write** each other. You don't "write to" each other. Here it would be grammatically incorrect to say "write me" and you would be made to write it out 100 times until you got it right.

**Yakking** - This means **talking incessantly** - not that I know anyone who does that now!

**Yonks** - "Blimey, I haven't heard from you for yonks". If you heard someone say that it would mean that they had not seen you for **ages**!

**Zed** - The last letter of the alphabet. The English hate saying **zee** and only relent with names such as ZZ Top (Zed Zed Top does sound a bit stupid!).

**Zonked** - If someone is zonked or "zonked out" it means they are totally _knackered_ or you might say **exhausted**. When a baby has drunk so much milk, his eyes roll into the back of his head, it would be fair to say he was zonked!

We all stared in horror...well all of us except for DiZ, Luxy, Xaldin, and the Black Butler crew. (A/N: A.K.A The Brits. Why does no one remember that Ansem and Xaldy are Brits too?)

"Well that was... informative..." I said.

Marluxia walked into a rather large con (BIG MISTAKE) and was then promptly glomped by most everyone in the whole building.

Larxene's fire-filled eyes had found their target; Roxas' head.

"Wait! What? I NEVER said that!" She proceeded to chase him around the entire stage and then out the studio doors to the rest of the castle.

"Sure dude! I love video games. ESPECIALLY scary ones! Which ones did ya' have in mind?" America asked.

"Ugh..." Prussia sighed. "Yes quite often actually and it's so not awesome!"

"Chirp Chirp!" Gilbird squawked.

"Um, it's the color of wicked hipster pink, DUH!" Poland said rudely.

Riku flipped the box over to reveal a terrifyingly angry face on the side.

"Damnit..." I muttered. "I can't believe that I-" I was cut off rudely by an unknown thing...

"Oh Bassy! Dear Bassy is that you?"

I facepalmed.

"Oh no. Oh dear god no. Oh sweet baby Jesus NO. Not him...ANYONE but him..."

"I believe you mean 'her' darling!" Grell said propping himself up with his chain saw.

But that didn't last long of course, because then Grell caught sight of him.

HIM.

"OH! BASSY! HEEHEE!" Grell glomped poor Sebastian. And then came the famous eyebrow twitch.

"Grell why on EARTH are you here?" He asked the man sitting on his lap.

"Well, if you just absolutely HAVE to know Bassy, I came here to reap the soul of a Mr. Roxas McCartney..." Our faces went pale.

"So she really DID kill Roxas...?" Axel asked warily.

Grell shook his head making his long red hair hit Sebastian in the face with a nice _THWAP_!

"No, not at all! It appears...he doesn't have a soul..." Grell said, rather confused.

"That would explain a LOT." I told him.

I was kind of pissed...and so was Trinnean because he had to fix a hole in the wall...AGAIN.

"Whatever!" I whined. "YO GRELL!"

"Hmm?" He looked up at me from playing with Sebastian's raven-colored locks.

"Since you oh-so-graciously just turned up out of the blue, uninvited and made a gaping hole in my wall, why don't you read this review?" I asked him.

"OOOOH! I LOVE dares! Okay! This one is from PropertyOfDemyx or, Samantha!"

She walked up onto the stage.

"Oh my you're adorable!" Grell cheered while trying to hug her.

"IDON'TKNOWYOU!" She screamed as she dodged his various hug attempts.

"Hmph...fine then!"

**Before I forget, Soap is the best drama series i have ever seen, if that was what you were referring to in the A/N.**

All the other characters make the story..annoying at times. I like the Kassie love triangle though. I love you kassie! ;P so i guess i approve of these new characters.

**Xemnas: Dare you to speak ye olde english for thy rest of thy chapter. I love thee.**

Xigbar: what's your best dance move?

Xaldin: Use improper grammar! Your welcome! ;) see what i did there?

Vex: Uhh...go party with your twin.

Lex: Describe to me the hat in which you bought.

Zex: Battle your true foe in the room with pokémon!

Saix: Sing "I'm a Barbie Girl."

Axel: Soooo...who DO you like?

Demyx: awwww! I love you! 3 you make your mullet so spikey with AWESOMENESS alone. :P :)

Luxord: You must be more persuasive. You now hold the literacy of Peeta Mellark! :D

Marluxia: i see. Okay.

Larxene: you need to be a more major part of this story. Do something awesome like usual!

Roxas: aww you are so cute! Maybe it's because all ive ever seen is you, Sora, Sora's friends, and most of the Org. Ive barely ever seen DemDem. P.s. I feel bad for you.

Xion: ...you...-sneeze-cough-...are awesome.

Others: since when are you related to KH in any way?

Jenna: :P i loves you!

Kassafrass: I love you jesus!

-blows nose- eckkkk...bye.

(P.S. Godly is a douche canoe. Just saying.)

(P.P.S. Fanboy you need to firetruckin' update!)

(P.P.P.S. I love Demyx! And all my school family members! And i hate Poland!)

"I was kinda just trying to find a creative way to end the story...so I really have NO idea what you're talking about..." I told her.

"Must I? Why are you so-"

"AH, AH, AH! THOU MUST SPEAKETH THE LANGUAGE OF OLDE!" We shouted.

"Why must ye be so cruel, my lady? Dost this pleaseth thou, mistress Samantha?" He asked.

"EEEEK! I am SUCH a Rennie!"

Everyone looked at me funny.

"A what?" Ciel questioned.

"A Rennie!" I replied. "Someone who loves The Rennaissance...NEVERMIND."

Xigbar jumped onto the dance floor and began to do the Electric Slide.

(A/N: Improper grammar? Really Sam? You KNOW that is going to be impossible, what wth all Mrs. A's grammar crap lately! Okay I'll give it a shot...I apologize in advance if I happen to use correct grammar...)

"why should i've care about. Stupid grammar? its isn't even important..." Xaldin said.

Vexen and Stein went onto the dance floor with Xigbar after his Electic Slide performance and they decided that they were going to have a rave party. SCIENTISTS ONLY!

Lex pulled out the hat and showed it to her. It was a black beanie with Captain America wingy-things on the sides.

"AVENGERS!" Kassie cheered.

Suddenly, Zexion was wearing Ash Ketchum's famous hat.

"Stein! I challange you to a Pokemon battle!" He shouted.

"I accept!" Stein replied. Because honestly, when can you ever deny a trainer battle? It's already bad enough that you can't steal their Pokemon with a Great Ball or run away...sheesh!

Zexy checked his Pokedex to see all his captured Pokemon.

Jigglypuff.

Magikarp.

Spoink.

Mr. Mime.

Whismur.

"What the FUCK? Why do I get a bunch of crappy Pokemon? Why can't I get one the same type as me?"

"And that would be...?"

"PSYCHIC!" He yelled at me.

"Inside voices Zexion and fine!" I snapped my fingers and his 5 crappy Pokemon "armada" changed to one Pokemon.

"Psyduck? REALLY?" He asked.

"GOD you're whiney!" I shouted. I snapped my fingers for the last time and Eevee appeared.

"Thank you!" He said.

"Yeah you BETTER be greatful 'cause that's the last one you're getting!" I told the trainer.

Stein flipped through his Pokedex to see which pokemon he had.

Sadly, there was only one. BUT! This one happened to be CRAZY AWESOME.

"Deoxys! I choose you!" He yelled throwing his Pokeball in Zexion's general direction.

"WHA-?! HOW COME HE GETS A LEGENDARY?!"

"TOO LATE TO CHANGE!" I yelled.

"Urgh fine..."

*5 ASS-KICKED MINUTES LATER*

Zexion was hanging on for dear life. He had used up all of his HP potions and had just wasted his last revive when suddenly.

*LEVEL UP! EEVEE IS EVOLVING!*

"HOLY SHIT YES!" Zexion cheered.

*EEVEE EVOLVED INTO UMBREON! GIVE A NICKNAME TO THE UMBREON?*

"Yes! YOUR MOM."

*WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?*

"Your Mom, use Confuse Ray!"

*SEXY ZEXY'S YOUR MOM USED CONFUSE RAY! DEOXYS IS NOW CONFUSED!*

"WHOOHOOO!"

Stein was in deep shit now.

*MEGA-STEIN'S DEOXYS USED HYPER BEAM! OH NO! MEGA-STEIN'S DEOXYS HURT ITSELF IN IT'S CONFUSION! IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE! MEGA-STEIN'S DEOXYS FAINTED! MEGA-STEIN PAYED A LOT OF MUNNY TO SEXY ZEXY.*

"DEOXYS NO! WHY HAVE YOU FAILED ME?!"

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! I WIIIIN~! I WIIIIN~!" Zexion jumped and cheered with Kassie while she pet Jigglypuff.

"That was the single most epic thing we've ever done on this show..."

(A/N: Kassie and I really like this part because everything that just happened here, could TOTALLY happen in real life. AND IT DOES. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I HATE IT.)

Saix shamefully got up and grabbed a microphone. (He made Axel do the boy part.)

_- Hi Barbie!  
- Hi Ken!  
- You wanna go for a ride?  
- Sure, Ken!  
- Jump in!  
- Ha ha ha ha!_

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on, Barbie, let's go party

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

I'm a blonde single girl in the fantasy world  
Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dollie  
You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain  
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky

You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours, oooh whoa

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh

Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please  
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees  
Come jump in, be my friend, let us do it again  
Hit the town, fool around, let's go party

You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours  
You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours

Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh

- Oh, I'm having so much fun!  
- Well, Barbie, we're just getting started!  
- Oh, I love you Ken! 

He puked a bit and sat down.

"No one..." Axel said.

Demyx had his hair straightened out and was trying to use his awesomness like the force and make it styled into his trademark hairdo: The Mullet.

Luxord was confuzzled.

"What? Pita bread?"

Larxene did Caramelldansen for 10 minutes straight. Not ONCE was it boring.

"Thanksss..." Said Xion and Roxas.

"They're related because I say they're related." I giggled. "Oh and I love you too!"

"Yeah! I'm Jesus!" Kassafrass yelled.

"Hey!" I whined. "How come she gets to be Jesus?!" I pointed at Kassie.

"Because you get to be GOD." Sam said.

"Oh, okay." I smiled.

(A/N: This sort of thing happens ALL THE TIME. XD)

Poland looked rather hurt.

"Like, why broski?" He asked her.

"NEXT REVIEW!" I shouted. "EANIE MEANIE MIENIE ALOIS!"

"Alright! This review is from..HighOnMusic?"

"FANBOY~!" Kassie and I yelled.

**Hey guys!**

You curse. Me likey. Call it a sin all you want, I f**king love it! :)

Lot of random co-hosts around here that I've never heard of, so that makes it a bit confusing for me, but I still LOVE this story! I am really into meme these days (you've probably heard of 9Gag right?), so if I make any weird references, they're probably memes :P

So yeah :P, here we go:

Everyone: Do any of you watch My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic? It's a REALLY big thing on the internet. Suddenly liking that stuff doesn't make you gay anymore. I'm a brony, I LOVE it. You should totally watch it! :P

Xion: Aww you're so cute! *squeezes her cheek*

Lobster: LUXOOOOORD! Wait what? *insert 'genius' meme here*

Roxas: (Brace yourselves everyone, here comes a long and personal emotional rant!) When I played 358/2 for the first time about 2 years ago I was absolutely fascinated by the psychological situation you were in. You know, not having a heart, not understanding the world you live in, melancholic ALL the f*cking time. I've listened to a lot of music the last months (anyone here ever heard of Kasabian? No? Never mind...), and still to this day, it happens often that when I hear songs that are melancholic, confusing, or songs that describe emptiness, I think of your game, and the whole philosophy of it. I don't know, I just always find psychologically crippled persons interesting. I just wanna thank you for such a deep, emotional story that still really inspires me. 3

Xaldin: Do that James Bond villain thing where the villain sits in a giant black chair with the back of the chair facing us, then turning the chair towards us, while petting a cat and saying: ''I've been expecting you.'' I think you would really pull that off!

Jenna: Let Rainbow Dash from MLP enter the episode for a chapter! Don't know who she is? Just look up a video of her and you'll know exactly how she'll behave!

Riku Riku Replica: No battle? Okay... (that's a meme)

Axel: Sing "Fire" by Kasabian. I don't think I have to explain why. :)

Riku: Just a reminder that you're awesome: YOU'RE AWESOME! Now beat up your replica.

Namine: Calm the f*ck down. Evil time is over. Here's a pair or wings to make up for it!

Everyone: Just reminding y'all: each and everyone of you KH characters appears in multiple lemons, straight as well as yaoi/yuri. Enjoy that creepy thought *evil laugh*. (Actually still planning on writing one myself. Pervertedness yay )

And finally: Vexen turns into a maniac and starts randomly destroying stuff, derping around (derp is also a meme). Enjoy trying to stop him.

That's all for this chapter. It's really unfair that the writer of a story can write curses, and that reviews get censored so I have to use those little * thingies. Grr.

Maybe I have to update my own story, although I think it's a piece of crap, just like my last story that I never finished because I just randomly started writing without working out a plot in my head first... rambling again. Forgive me. :)

Update VERY soon please, and see y'all mothafukkas later!

"I am me! Nobody else!" - Just the awesomeness of Roxas.

"Same here!" I said to Fanboy who was walking onto the stage currently. "But dued seriously, you should watch anime! You need to watch Hetalia, Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji, and Soul Eater! I think you'd really like them! Also, Ouran High School Host Club is a good one as well..."

"Wait, but we already did the Brony thing..." Kassie and I said.

Xion just giggled awkwardly.

Luxord stared at this poor, foreign boy.

"Child have you lost your mind?" He asked.

"Oh...wow...thank you and...you're welcome." Roxas smiled.

Xaldin turned around in his big, black, chair and was petting a Siamese.

"I have been expecting you Norbert!" He stated evily.

I whistled.

"Yo Rainbow Dash! Get over here guuurrl!"

She sped into the room.

"Hey guys!" She greeted us and started fluttering around the studio admiring everyone and everything.

Axel began to sing.

_Take me into the night and I'm an easy lover  
Take me into the fight and I'm an easy brother  
And I'm on fire_

Burn my sweet effigy, I'm a road runner  
Spill my guts on a wheel, I wanna taste uh-huh  
And I'm on fire, and I'm on fire

And I'm on fire...  
(Im going, you tell me, I feel it, I say it  
I'm heading back into the tunnel for my soul to burn)  
And I'm on fire...  
(I'm coming, you coming, no hiding, my feeling  
I wanna take it to the highest over me, yeah...)

Wire me up to machines I'll be your prisoner  
Find it hard to believe, you are my murderer  
I'm on fire  
I'm behind you  
Heads up falling sky

And I'm on fire...  
(I'm going, you tell me, I feel it, I say it I'm heading back into the tunnel for my soul to burn)  
And I'm on fire...  
(I'm coming, you coming, no hiding, my feeling I wanna take it to the highest over me, yeah...)

And I'm on fire, I'm on fire

Move on, you got to move on  
You got to hit 'em to the hip  
And get your shake on

Move on, you got to move on  
You got to hit 'em to the hip  
And get your shake on

(I feel it, I want it, I'm coming, I tell ya, I caught the bullet from the heavens to the one you serve,  
I'm going, I'm running, out to the highest love  
I'm wanna hit you to the hip...)

And I'm on fire...  
Move on, you got to move on  
You got to hit 'em to the hip  
And get your shake on

And I'm on fire...  
Move on, you got to move on  
You got to hit 'em to the hip  
And get your shake on

We all clapped for Axel.

Namine joined Rainbow in her fluttering.

"YAY!" I cheered. "I love yaoi and yuri!"

ALL the KH characters stared at me.

"We thought you HATED THAT..." Aqua said.

"I did...but now I don't!" I answered.

"Next review," Said Kassie. "Is from BritneyBelowZero...who?"

"OOH! YAY BRITNEY! She's my friend from New York!" I explained.

"Oh? Prussia! Read this one!"

**Omg! Hooray! I didn't know that you liked Black Butler AND Soul Eater as well as KH and Hetalia!**

ARE YOU MY TWIN?

ANYWHAYS!

Xemmy-kun- Will you pwease sing Candy Candy by Kyary Pamyu Pamyu?

Xigbar- I wish you to be 13 again! *poof!*

Xaldin- Try to fly an airplane without any instruction or help!

Vexen- Guess...Strawberry

Lexaeus- SURFIN' BIIIIIRD!

Zexion- How do you feel about the state of our economy?

Saix- 'Saix...I'M THE WOLFMAN!'

Axel- Act like you're from the ol' west and have a pirate/Robot/andriod/ninja duel with Sora, Aqua, and Ciel.

Demyx- Since you can control all water (and bubbles! Lol Demyx Time reference) can you freeze water? And if so, can you make an ice sculpture?

Luxord- I know one thing that you can never win at! What's that you ask? *whispers in ear so no one else hears* The Game, of course, because you just lost it.

Marluxia- Rant about cheese.

Larxene- Trade personalities with Lizzy

Roxas- MARRY ME!

Xion- You seem okay. Here's a cookie.

Namine- Draw a picture of Terra in a Speedo!

Vanitas- Wear what Kyary Pamyu Pamyu wore in her video for PonPonPon

Aqua- Be the android in the battle of awesomeness!

Terra- Be Nami's swimsuit model...ew.

Ven-Dress EXACTLY like Vanitas and BOTH of you do the PonPonPon dance TOGETHER.

Sora- Be the robot in the duel of awesomeness!

Riku- Have a tea party with Dennis.

Kairi- Pretend you're a bird!

America- BURGER WITHDRAWAL! You can make burgers...can't you?

Prussia- Pretend to be an AWESOME tree.

Poland- Like, you should TOTALLY, like paint the studio WICKED HIPSTER PINK!

Ciel- Be the ninja in the duel of awesomeness!

Lizzy-Trade personalities with Larxene.

Sebby- Be as American as you can!

Claude- Go die in a hole you traitorous BASTARD!

Alois- SOMEBODY didn't take their meds today...

Stein- You should disect the main hostess ;D

Anyway blahblah super-long review. I LOVES YOU...LIKE SO MUCH.

Food for everyone! Be greatful!

**OOPS! SIlly me! did i mention also that in ADDITION to Prussia being the AWESOME tree that he is, he ALSO has to be the pirate in the pirate/cowboy/robot/android/ninja duel with Axel, Sora, Aqua, and Ciel!**

OKAY! NOW goodbye!

"YES...I AM." I responded creepily. She laughed and hugged me.

Xemnas sighed as the lyrics were handed to him.

"Doth this knoweth that this is not in English?" He asked.

"Just do the best you can. Oh and by the by, don't speak all old-timey when singing..."

_tsukue toka poketto toka kaban mo naka ni mo ne  
itsudatte wasurezu aru yo nani wo erabou kana  
chotto chotto honno chotto de shiawase wa umarete  
amai kuuki ga fuwafuwa punpun shinakute sumu desho  
CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY  
SWEETIE SWEETIE GIRLS LOVE  
CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING  
CUTIE CUTIE CHEW- CHEW- CHEW- CHEWING LOVE  
CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY  
SWEETIE SWEETIE GIRLS LOVE  
CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING  
CUTIE CUTIE SO CANDY LOVE  
ah demo sore mo kore mo minna suteki ni toretai no  
kimi no rikuesuto nante kiiteru hima wa nai wa  
datte datte onna no ko dashi ima wa taisetsu nano  
amai kuuki ga fuwafuwa punpun shinakute sumu desho  
CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY  
SWEETIE SWEETIE GIRLS LOVE  
CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING  
CUTIE CUTIE CHEW- CHEW- CHEW- CHEWING LOVE  
CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY  
SWEETIE SWEETIE GIRLS LOVE  
CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING  
CUTIE CUTIE SO CANDY LOVE  
CANDY LOVE CANDY LOVE  
CANDY LOVE CANDY LOVE CANDY LOVE CANDY LOVE  
CANDY LOVE CANDY LOVE  
CHEW- CHEW- CHEW- CHEWING LOVE  
CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY  
CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY  
CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY  
SWEETIE SWEETIE GIRLS LOVE  
CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING  
CUTIE CUTIE CHEW- CHEW- CHEW- CHEWING LOVE  
CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY  
SWEETIE SWEETIE GIRLS LOVE  
CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING  
CUTIE CUTIE SO CANDY LOVE_

Xigbar turned into a (rather attractive) 13-year-old.

"Dude! This rocks!" He yelled portaling around the room.

Xaldin "borrowed" an airplane, got in, and promptly CRASHED.

"*O_e* What?" A confused Vexen asked.

"..." Was Lexaeus said...or didn't say...ARGH!

"Pfft! I couldn't care less about your terrible economy." Zexion replied. He recieved a glare from America.

"OMG! OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB BLOOPER REFERENCE YESSS OMGGGG I LOVE YOU!" I went into weaboo stage.

"After the show!" Axel said.

Demyx made a sculpture of a pretty butterfly.

"BITCH DID NOT JUST MAKE ME LOSE THE GAME! DAMNIT I LOST THE GAME!" Luxord wailed. Which as a penalty of him shouting the out, we all lost the game as well.

Marluxia drew in a big breath for his cheese rant.

"OMG OKAY! So I totally don't get cheese...seriously...like, at all. I mean, we as humans things are not supposed to drink spoiled milk! And yet, that's just what cheese is; fermented milk. FERMENTED MILK PEOPLE. Do you know what fermented means? It means that they just let it sit out and turn! EEEEEWWW! And to most people, especially the Europeans, the smellier and more ferment-y it is, the better. Some French cheeses even have MOLD. FUCKING MOLD. Bleu cheese. Ya' ever hear of that? Know why they call it that? BECAUSE THE FUCKING MOLD IN IT IS THE COLOR OF BLUE! It sometimes gets so old, it can CRUMBLE. Although, I REALLY don't understand what the deal is with ricotta and cottage cheese! They're just so soupy! It's like they didn't even wait for the stupid rotten milk to harden. NOPE! CHUCK FUCKING TESTA! They just took it out early so you can have a drink! Like: 'Here's your spoiled milk oh and as a plus, you can also eat it!' Fucking weirdos..."

*Everyone: O.O*

"Oh look at me! I'm Lizzy! I'm stupid and like frilly, cute, pink things! Anything girly really! I like dresses and puppies and kittens! Blarg!" Larxene mocked.

"AAAAAGH! WHAT THE HELL DID I _**EVER **_DO TO YOU FUCKING PEOPLE!" Screamed 'Nitas as I threw him into the dressing room to change.

"Um sorry...but I don't even know you all that well..." Roxas answered warily.

"NOMNOMNOM" Said Xion.

Terra stood in front on Namine. She blushed a bit and tried to draw him without throwing up.

When Vanitas and Ven were all changed, they looked RIDICULOUS. It was actually quite hard to contain my laughter.

They stepped out to the right, then to the left and used their wrists to tap their hips. They threw their arms up and swished them in front of their faces a couple of time and did the tingly fingers thing. Then came the pat the ead and jab your arms out thing.

It REALLY isn't confusing if you've seen the video before...

Riku and Dennis sat at a tiny table with Ciel and Alois. They drank Earl Grey tea and ate quiche and scones and talked about boring things.

"Ca-KAW, ca-KAW!" Squawked Kairi. She flapped her arms and jumped off the tea table.

"I say!" Riku cried.

"Dude get over yourself. You're not actually British, you just had a b=fucking tea party...that's all." I told the silver-haired boy.

"Hmph!"

Amerca cooked up some tastey burgers for everyone and we all ate happily.

Prussia layed on the ground and then open and closed his arms and legs shouting.

"PHOTOSYNTHESIS! PHOTOSYNTHESIS!"

"OH GOD! POLAND!" I screamed staring at my now 'wicked hipster pink' studio.

"Like, what is it broski?"

"...Nevermind...

"Urgh. Yeah whatever...I'm Larxene. I've had PMS since I was born! GET OUT OF MY FACE OR I'LL KILL YOU. Fuck off...all of you." Everyone laughed at Lizzy's SPOT ON Larxene impression.

Larxene...not so impressed by the impression...

Claude just grunted in acknowledgement and frustration.

"NOPE!" Alois said happily.

Stein smiled evily and the glare on his glasses made it impossible to see his eyes.

"Yes, I very much agree with you, Miss Britney." He said.

"NO." I told him. "Nami-chan, if you will kindly read the next review?"

"Gladly!" She replied. "This review is from...RandomFan?"

Said random fan walked up to the stage.

**Xemnas: Everyone will call you Mansex for the rest of the chapter!  
Xigbar:How did you lose your eye?  
Xaldin:Why did you need Belle and the rose in the first place?  
Vexen: Turn Roxas into a girl!  
Lexaeus:Beat up the person who annoys you the most!  
Zexion: Go with one week without reading.  
Saix: Eat a whole bag of sugar!  
Axel: *shoves Iron Man in front of him* you two are gonna be the best of friends!  
Demyx: Summerize your love for Samantha.  
Luxord: Challange Xigbar to a gambling contest.  
Marluxia: Wear the flower eyepatch of doom and dance around while wearing it!  
Larxene: Free range on Axel!  
Roxas: You rock! Here's some sea salt ice cream!  
Xion: Go on a date with Fanboy.  
Sora/Jenna: *hypnotizes* you must do unspeakable things while everyone isn't looking.**

"Like I haven't been told to do such things yore. Doth thy readers enjoy humiliating me?" King Mansex asked sincerely.

"Well ya' see..." Xiggy began.

"Jack's monkey came down from the flagpole and ripped it out because he said the "B" word!" I interjected.

"What? Bitch? And what monkey? Who's Jack?...Man I must've been high as a motherfuckkin' KITE at that party..."

"No silly! Banana...DAMNIT! NOW THE MONKEY'S GONNA RIP MY NIPPLES OF HIDE ME!" I yelled diving behind Sebastian for protection.

Sora was not amused.

"Get off my Bassy!" Grell shouted.

"In your dreams!" I cried.

"You're right...he IS in my dreams. Everynight. I pray in hopes that one day my dreams will come true."

"This Disney atmosphere has gotten to your head Grell." Ciel pouted. He didn't like that Disney was so much more famous and wealthy than Funtom.

Xaldin answered truthfully.

"I just wanted to see how cool of a Heartless Beast would be."

Vexen used his Bill Nye powers to generbend Roxas.

"EEEEEK!" Roxas squealed. "I'm a girl!" He yelled pulling on his pigtails. "Then that means..." He trailed of cupping his boobs (A/N: That sounded far less weird in my head.) "THAT MEANS I HAVE A VAGINA...damnit."

Lexaeus figured 'eh, what the hell' and decided to beat the crap out of DiZ.

"Why are you annoyed most by him?" RandomFan asked.

"If it weren't for him..." Lexaeus paused dramatically. "I would still have my heart." There was a deep respect for Lexaeus at that point int time...mostly because he could probably kill us all with one hit...

Zexion stared at the book in his hands and then at his wife. He let the book drop out of his hands and to the floor. He wnt and sat in the emo corner in the fetal position.

13-year-old pirate Xiggy walked over and picked up the book.

"Fifty Shades of Grey?"

"*O/O* Scandalous, Zexy..." I blushed.

Saix started to bounce off the fucking walls because of his sugar overload.

Axel stared at Iron Man.

"Mmmmkay?" He answered.

"My love for Sam is like the ocean, beautiful, relaxing, and never-ending." Demyx stated poetically.

"That was beautiful, Dem." I told him.

"Thanks, I try." He went back to strumming Arpeggio.

Xigbar and Luxord's contest began. And then, it ended. Xiggy SUCKS at gambling but is WAY TOO damn stubborn to EVER admit it.

Marly wore the horrid flower eyepatch of doom...on his eye. It was washed since it's last...use. *Eye twitch O.e*

Larxene chased Axel with her sharp little kunai.

Roxas nommed his salty-sweet treat. OMG THAT RYHMED.

"PSSSSH!" I sputtered. "They're on a date right now!" I pointed to a romantically lit table in the back of the audience. One of Norb's hands was on Xion's and the other was giving me a thumbs up.

Sora and I check to make sure no one was watching and that we weren't followed. We quickly kidnapped Robert Downy JR. and assinated his toy fish...meaning we fed it to his cat. We knocked him out tied him up andI squinted my eyes at RandomFan.

"That IS what you meant BY 'unspeakable'...right? Or did I get this all wrong?"

"NEXT REVIEW!" Yelled Roxas. "Is from...*facepalm*...godly345."

**Godly- Namine stop before you lose your finger  
Luna- Eh-em  
Godly- right this is Luna my...kid who will be watching the show and beating anyone even me for any damage and or authors who are extremly angered.  
Jenna and Kassie: Truce?*punches own stuomach to say the word*  
Larxene: You are free for a day but and damage or famous poeple the authors like being shocked will be made with torture any tomboy hates.  
Kassie: Normaly i would threaten to kill Italy but with Luna here he goes free.*Italy runs in and hides* you dont want to know what happened to him.  
Sora: Dude have you popped the question to Jenna yet? better hurry before my nobody tries to steal your fieance. cant keep the pervert away forever.  
Jenna: you and Kassie are alowed yell at me in pm  
Namine: turns out you were right about the yaoi and yuri not being drawed by you.*takes out a wig and dress* OK SO WHO EVER DRESSED UP AS NAMINE AND MADE ME SELL THOSE DISCUSTING DRAWINGS COME OUT AND FACE THEIR PUNISHMENT!*eyes filled with black fire* and Namine draw Mansexs biggest and most embaressing secret on a billboard where everyone can see it  
Roxas: you me icecream eating contest  
Luna- NO! you remember the last you had salt.  
Godly-right still trying to explane why Uranas*laughs* is gone  
Luna- before he goes i have a few song requests, Aqua;Every time we touch, Sora;Let it Rock, Xion;Fireworks ,Ven;Fire burning ,and Roxas;Writen in the Stars  
Godly:UO.O Kassie you and Jenna will deside if they will be sung*disappears like a ninja***

I looked at 'Luna'. "Hmm...a bouncer for the show? I LIKE. Sounds like a plan Miss Luna."

"We will only hold a truce if you aren't a jerk to us, you got it?" Kassie and I asked.

Sora then realized that with all the new boys here, he'd be fucked if he didn't do something soon. So he did what any male would do in this situation. he freaked the fuck out.

Master Xehanort then stepped foward.

"Master Xehanort? You made him sell those drawings?" We all asked like in Scooby-Doo  
(A/N: ROOBY DOOBY DOO! XDDD)

We then beat the old, bald, perv senseless.

Namine drew Xemmy-kun's secret.

"Dude," Said Xigbar. "You play with dolls? That is so fucked up and creepy on a level that hasn't even been invented yet. THAT'S how creepy that right there is..."

"'Tis not ye all are led to believe!" H no one was buying it. They all just sent the man off with the wave of a hand.

Sora grabbed a mic.

_I see your dirty face  
High behind your collar  
What is done in vain  
Truth is hard to swallow  
So you pray to God  
To justify the way you live a lie  
Live a lie  
Live a lie_

And you take your time  
And you do your crime  
Well you made your bed  
I'm in mine

[Chorus:]  
Because when I arrive  
I, I'll bring the fire  
Make you come alive  
I can take you higher  
What this is, forgot?  
I must now remind you  
Let It Rock  
Let It Rock  
Let It Rock

[Kevin Rudolph]  
Now the son's disgraced  
He, who knew his father  
When he cursed his name  
Turned, and chased the dollar  
But it broke his heart  
So he stuck his middle finger  
To the world  
To the world  
To the world

And you take your time  
And you stand in line  
Well you'll get what's yours  
I got mine

[Chorus]

[Lil Wayne]  
Yeah!  
Wayne's world  
Planet Rock  
Panties drop  
And the tops  
And she gonna rock 'til the camera stop  
And I sing about angels like Angela (rock)  
And Pamela (rock)  
And Samantha (rock)  
And Amanda (rock)  
And Tamara (rock)  
"Ménage à trois" [french for: 3-some]  
I'm in here like bitch what's up  
Mechanic, me, I can fix you up  
I can dick you up  
I can dick you down  
Shorty we can go wherever just pick a town  
And the jewelry is louder than an engine sound  
Big ass rocks like off the ground  
Dirty like socks that's on the ground  
Weezy

[Chorus x2]

Just Let It Rock  
Let It Rock  
Let It Rock  
Let It Rock...  
Let It Rock...

[Lil Wayne]  
I'm back like I forgot somethin  
I'm somethin  
Ruling Rock rubbin' rap running'  
Miles like I'm trying to get a flat stomach  
Like Wayne the personal trainer  
My aim is perfect I'll bang ya  
Period, like the reminder

[Kevin Rudolph]  
I wish I could be  
As cruel as you  
And I wish I could say  
The things you do  
But I can't and I won't live a lie  
No, not this time. 

*MUCH APPLAUSE*

Up next on ze mic was Miss Xion.

_Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,  
Drifting through the wind  
Wanting to start again?  
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin  
Like a house of cards,  
One blow from caving in?_

Do you ever feel already buried deep?  
6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing  
Do you know that there's still a chance for you  
'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine  
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework  
Come on, show 'em what you're worth  
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"  
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework  
Come on, let your colours burst  
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"  
You're gonna leave 'em all in "awe, awe, awe"

You don't have to feel like a wasted space  
You're original, cannot be replaced  
If you only knew what the future holds  
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed  
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road  
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow  
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine  
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework  
Come on, show 'em what you're worth  
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"  
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework  
Come on, let your colours burst  
Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"  
You're gonna leave 'em all in "awe, awe, awe"

Boom, boom, boom  
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon  
It's always been inside of you, you, you  
And now it's time to let it through-ough-ough

'Cause baby you're a firework  
Come on, show 'em what you're worth  
Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"  
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework  
Come on, let your colours burst  
Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"  
You're gonna leave 'em all in "awe, awe, awe"

Boom, boom, boom  
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon  
Boom, boom, boom  
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon 

"The next review is from Cielois52, or Dakota!" Alois stated proudly.

**Well hello there, person who doesn't love me anymore /3  
Good to know I'm important enough to be mentioned once in you're story xD  
Anywaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy...  
Demyx-Play us a tune on the citar.  
Namine- Dress up like little bo peep and dance to Demyx's tune.  
Sora-Tap dance.  
Sebastian- Let either Lizzy, Alois, or Grell dress you up however they please, and wear that the whole show. Ciel chooses who dresses you!  
Grell- Out of Organization 13...who do you think is the cutest?  
Alois-Tango with an Organization 13 member of you're choice.**

Ok thats all... P.s. Jenna you're lucky I did this instead of baking a cake.  
K bai!

Demyx played Blood On The Dance Floor's 'Sext' on his sitar and Nami-Bo-Peep danced with her sheep...damn rhymes...

Sora performed our DISASTER of a tap dance from last year's recital.

Ciel grinned at his power.

"Grell!" He called. "You shal dress Sebastian!"

"WHA? ME?! OH GOODY!" He turned into a rocket and bust through the roof. We he plummeted back down to earth, Luna promptly kicked his ass, as was promised.

*TEN MINUTES LATER*

Sebastian walked out of the dressing room in a slutty little maid's outfit. OH GOD IT FIT HIM A LITTLE TOO WELL.

I walked up to the 6' 1" man.

"S-sebastian?" I quivered. "Can I sit with you?"

His answer to me was him picking me up by the waist and plopping me on his lap. I wrapped my hands loosely behind his neck and cradled my head into the crook of his throat. I snugged and practically purred.

I just realized. I was sitting on Sebastian Michaelis' lap. And he was wearing a skinky maid's costume.

I CAN DIE HAPPILY.

Grell eyed all the boys in the Organization. Because of it's vibrant color, he noticed Axel first.

"Ooooh! I do rather like the tall, thin, red-headed man, but I see someone else who is...frighteningly close in similarities to me."

He was, of course, talking about Marluxia.

"Well, for starters, his hair kind of reminds me of mine when I was younger, he's tall, strapping, and he has a scythe, like me...OOOH! Decisions, decisions..."

Alois scanned over the Organization as well. He pick out the one he saw fit.

"You!" He pointed at Young Xigbar.

"What?" He asked, annoyed. He was TRYING to read Fifty Shades of Grey, you know!

"Come dance with me!" He ordered. Xigbar shrugged and walked over to him. Alois examined him more closely. "Hmmm, short, ill-tempered, eyepatch, greyish hair, attractive...how old are you?" He asked.

"Heh? Right now? I'm thirteen."

"PERFECT! You're JUST LIKE Ciel!" Exclaimed happily. Ciel wrinkled his brow and glared at Alois. Alois simply stuck his tongue out.

"Are you ready Xigbar?"

"As I'll ever be..."

"Here we go...eheheh! OLE!"

The two did a very one-sided version of the tango for about a minute and a half when finally it came to an end.

"I am sad to say that this, is our final review."

"AWWWWWW!" Sighed the cast and audience.

"I know," I comforted. "But don't be sad because this last review, while short, is still very important because it comes from yet another one of my friends from school who is new to the FanFiction already has a story up so please welcome her accordingly. My friend, AnimeDerp101, or Lexi!"

**Okay, so I got some dares for ya. Prussia should put on a tutu and do a ballet dance. America and Stein should have a rave party. Oh, and Sora should eat a fruitcake and banana cream sandwich on rye bread.  
Go nuts :)**

"We've known each other since preschool! We're in the EIGHT GRADE NOW. *XD* Says a lot don't it? Get on up here Lex!" I stated.

The scrawny 13-year-old skipped up to the stage merrily.

"Holo peoples." She smiled and I ruffled her hair.

"Oh Lexi~...how fucked up you are..." I murmered. She continued to beam up at me.

Prussia put on the biggest straightest tutu he could find lying around in the costume bin and dance the 'Sugar Plum Fairy' from 'The Nutcracker'.

"But they already raved...I told her." So America, not being a scientist, so not being invited to the rave prior to this, was all alone. So he raved to a remix verison of 'Dancing With Myself' by Billy Idol.

Poor So-So tried so hard to eat the DISGUSTING concauction but it was to toxic to ingest...AND LIVE.

Then all of a sudden, 'The Final Count Down' was being played followed shortly by 'Eye of The Tiger' as the epic five way battle was about to begin!

DID I MENTION THEY WERE IN SPACE?

With Axel as a cowboy, Prussia as a pirate, Ciel as a ninja, Aqua as an android, and Sora as a robot, this fight was sure not to disappoint.

The battle began. Shots were fired, punches were thrown, lasers where activated, and swords were swung but in the end, only one was victorious.

"And the winner is...CIEL THE NINJA AND HIS AWESOME KATANA THAT I WANT FOREVER!" I announced.

They all cheered and clapped and Sebastian was so proud and hot in his little maid dress...

Xigbar slung his arms over the shoulders of Prussia and Ciel.

"It's doesn't matter who won or who lost all it matters is that we pirates gotta stick together!" He explained.

"Get off me you hair-brained imbecille! I am not a pir-WHA?! HEYY! PUT ME DOWN THIS _INSTANT_! SEBASTIAN!" All of the cast had picked up Ciel who is now currently crowed-surfing against his own free will. But no one cared. Today was an awesome and awkard and full of song, Pokemon and pirates! And so at the end of the day we all dance around and sing.

"YAR HAR FIDDLE DEE DEE! BEING A PIRATE IS ALRIGHT TO BE! DO WHAT YOU WANT 'CAUSE A PIRATE IS FREE! YOU ARE A PIRATE! COME, CLAP, SING HERE; WE SWOON! OVER THE SUN AND UNDER THE MOON! READ AND REVIEW AND WE'LL SEE YA' REAL SOON! YOU ARE A PIRATE!"

(A/N: FINALLY DONE YOU WHORE. You know who you are *coughcoughKASSIEcoughcough*. I really don't have anything to say other than my hands will need amputation soon if they don't get warmer and also that you can now dare Trinnean, my lowly assistant and Robert Downey JR. Because we stole him..and fed his toy fish to his Calico...Eh, I don't feel bad...I mean, he'll get it back in a couple of days anyway, right? LOVE YOU ALL SO, SO MUCH!

KTHNXBAI! :D)


	6. Trinnean's Torture And Urban Legends

(A/N: I know it's a little late for it but this will be the first holiday chapter of Confessions! YAY! So I know that some of you don't really know the new characters but I issue a challenge to you my lovelies; dare them to do and say things and figure how they act so you can understand them better…that or you could just watch the damn shows…ALSO! I'VE COME UP WITH AN OFFICIAL THEME SONG FOR THE SHOW! If you listen to the words in the song I think it represents our big bundle of family madness quite nicely. It's the ending credits theme song from the first part of Black Butler and it's called I'm Alive by Becca. Check it out! Tell what you think of it or if you have a better suggestion! HERE WE GO!)

"'Tis the time for revolution fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Now we write our constitution fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Don we now our war apparel fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Brits will find themselves in peril fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!"

"WHAT are you singing?" Luxord (RESIDENT BRIT) asked.

"I heard something about a revolution?" Ciel (OTHER RESIDENT BRIT) commented.

"Oh…uh, haha! Lexi and I made a parody Christmas song for the holidays…" I explained. "Like it?"

They shrugged.

"COME ON! How could you NOT love this awesome song?!" America scream/yelled.

"_**I**_ for one am very interested in the American Revolution." Sebastian said with a smile. "So I DO like it."

I blushed at him for sticking up for me. Stuttering like a little love-crazed school-girl, I replied.

"T-thanks." _'What the hell? OOC, much?' _I asked myself.

It was awfully quiet in the studio. Just the other hosts, Luxy, Bassy, Ciel, and myself were there.

Serenity in this place is never a good thing.

And what else would you have expected?

A giant fucking, bright red sleigh crashed the fuck into my studio creating gaping hole in the wall.

Luna (Godly's friend/my new bouncer) punched all who it was carrying, which happened to be…all of them.

And who else was driving it but everyone's least favorite eyepatch-wearing, Nobody, DOUCHEBAG, teenage Xigbar.

I grabbed him by his short Len-like ponytail and dragged him over to a new little addition I had placed in the studio for the show; The Wall of Horror.

I hung him up by the toes and all the blood flow to his head.

I leaned down to his face.

"Hello Xigbar~!" I sang.

"H-h-hi!" He struggled to respond.

"Do you know _why_ I hung you upside-down Xigbar?" I asked sweetly.

"U-uhm…I-"

"BECAUSE YOU FUCKING CRASHED THAT DAMN REINDEER CART INTO MY STUDIO!" I screamed smacking him in the back of the head as I did so.

I let him drop to the floor and walked ever-so-calmly away.

You think that bastard would learn by now, right?

Trinnean groaned at the sight of the Christmas DISASTER he had to fix and got his toolbox.

Smashed ornaments, pine needles, stockings, Santa hats, reindeer antlers, fruitcake, and chunks of drywall were scattered evenly across my expensive floor.

"Well as long as everyone's here, we might as well start…" Kassie pointed out.

"Hello and welcome to Confessions of The Thirteenth Nobody!" I smiled. "Since it's been near an eternity last I read one of these things, I'll go! Out first review comes from…you!" I pointed at Kassie. "Organization13girl!"

**To my dear friend Jenna: Omg I love you, you fellow whore! (We seriously need to make this like, a club or something. It would be pretty legit. Get a small place, put a couch in it. Bitches love couches.) ...And I looked at her! And she looked at me! :D  
And now you are technically my father...hello..DAD.**

Mr. Robert Downey Jr!: Can I go fly around in the suit? You can trust me with it.

Stein: *Takes his glasses and trades them with her own* Yes..Mmkay, next person!

Sebastian: You're welcome. I dare you to be the master and ciel to be the butler (Jenna, I know what you're thinking. You're welcome)

Xemnas: Thou doth enjoy speaking like this, nay? Doth mother know, you weareth her drapes? (lol, I don't think anyone's going to get this but Mr. Jr. Cause he's a bamf.)

Xigbar: Eeeeeeey, sexy xiggy!

Xaldin: CIRCLETINE! *Throws a can of the stuff at his head*

Vexen: K...K good...Now talk to Jr about sciencey shit. I know you want to. You are inwardly screaming due to fangirl instincts as we speak from all these scientists all up dis place.

Lexaeus: Hmm...I give it a B-. Anyways...HOW YOU DOIN? ;D

Zexion: Woah...passionate kissing..anyways! I promise I will read to you for the rest of the week Zexion!

Saix: Put on these super cute puppy ears and learn to be friends with me god dammit! D:

Axel: I have but one serious question for you my friend...can you set fire to the rain?

Demyx: *Glomps* Brohoof!

Luxord: Oh my gosh, thank you so much! Bloody hell, I think I could survive a conversation with a Brit now! Let's just...let's just go to a pub. Right now. You and me.

Marluxia: Marluxia, go shopping with Grell for outfits. Become biffles with him.

Larxene: Heh..haters gonna hate.

Roxas: Would you be so kind as to straighten your hair?

America: I was thinking we could play games like Slender and Amnesia. Ya know, jump scare games?

Xion: Yes Xion. Yes. I DO feel like a plastic bag.

Namine: I think you are so sweet and cute.

Sora: Pssst...curl your hair too.

Riku: Rikuuuu! You are WAY cuter in the newest **Kingdom Hearts**** game!**

Kairi: You and Poland should become friends!

Vanitas: It's okay Vanitas, I like you.

Prussia: Totally un-awesome. But you know who is equally as awesome as you are? The Doctor. Fantastic man, though you probably don't know him. Or even of him for that matter.

Poland: But what SHADE is wicked hipster pink?

Ciel: Out of my group of friends I suppose I am the one most like you. Your opinion on this thus far?

Lizzy: You know his the cutest man alive (besides my husband just sayin that right now guys)? His name is Once-ler.

Sebastian: Warning. Fangirl attacks.

Grell: Oh, you are justa great inspiration! So cool and stylish!

Alois: Care to dance?

Claude: *Steals glasses and throws them in the trash; then steals his spare* HA!

Finally! I am just going to announce how excited I am about being a closet cosplay of our dearest Roma! We will take pics for you losers, or possibly bring you!  
Minus black butler guys and anyone not Disney, because...You're not Disney! Thus you'd cost more money!

Ta ta luvs!

I giggled pulling my shirt's neckline down slightly. "CLUB WHORE! Yes Kassie, bitches do love couches."

Robert (A/N: OMG KASSIE I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING…WHO ELSE HAS THE NAME ROBERT? :O) spat out the cloth we (Sora and I) shoved in his mouth when we stole him…

"NO! You cannot fly in my suit! Where the hell am I anyway?! Who are you people?!"

"Quiet Robbie." I used my magical authoress powers to close his mouth once more. He couldn't undo the knot because the rest of him was tied as well.

Kassie switched her and Dr. Stein's glasses.

"Gah! I can't see out of these things!" She cried.

"Poor you…" Said Stein bumping into his swivel chair.

Sebastian and Ciel had switched clothes.

'Twas odd.

Ciel was so cute in his little butler outfit, though!

Sebastian grinned evilly.

"Come with me, Ciel. I'm going to put you to work."

Ciel sighed. "Yes, my lord."

As I let my little yaoi-mind wander, a giggle came from Robert at Kassie's Avenger's quote.

"HEY!" I cried. "I get it too!"

"Nay, milady, on the contrary. Mayhap, I shall continue to speaketh in this mannerism for the time remaining. 'Tis entertaing." King Mansex replied.

"OP-OP-OP-OP OPPAN XIGBAR STYLE!" He sang rather loudly. (A/N: There WILL be a parody from me of this.)

The can of Circletine smacked Xaldin in the face.

"FUCK!" He cursed.

Vexen squirmed in his seat. Though he wanted to get up and chat his little non-existent heart away, he did NOT want that girl to be right.

"Hmmph." Lexaeus groaned.

Zexion smiled at his wife.

"Thanks but I'm told you and your friends HATE Fifty Shades of Grey."

"'TIS TRUE!" I yelled.

Saïx took the puppy ears. Then something very rare and unusual happened, he went into Saïx Puppy mode and snuggled up to Kassie. (That's not creepy at all.)

Axel got all serious.

"Oh you bet I can. I set fire to the rain and watched it burn as I touched your face or whatever the hell she says." He laughed.

"Hu-wah! Brohoof!" Demyx cheered.

"Um…uh…okay?" Said Luxord. With disapproval from both Zexion and Stein (but more so Zexion because Luxord was his pal.), the two of them were off.

"Sure…" Marly replied. "Hey Grell!" He looked up from his nails.

"Mmmyes?" He asked.

"C'mon we're going shopping." Answered 11.

"Oh goody!" Grell celebrated.

"Pssh." Was all Larxene could care to say.

When Roxas was done with his hair, he showed everyone.

He showed everyone that he looked like a hippie skater-boy.

Xion giggled at Kassie' comment.

"Yeah bro, totally!" America.

"Calling a lady, bro? How inappropriate." Sebastian commented stepping back into the room with his bite-sized butler at his side.

"Hey guys!" I welcomed. I don't know WHAT they were doing but Ciel looked TIRED.

*O.O* "Thank you…" Namine squeaked.

"Um…NO thank you." Sora denied politely, tugging on his straight strands of caramel-colored BEAUTY.

"Oh…I hadn't noticed…thanks." Said Riku.

"Yeah," Said Kairi, "We should."

"Oh my life is complete now." Vanitas groaned sarcastically.

"The doctor? What doctor? Like Dr. France? Dr. Peggy Sterling?" Prussia questioned.

"Why do you know my mom's optometrist?" I asked.

NO RESPONSE.

"What shade? Like, I don't know? Think of like, hot pink and then like, add some purple-ish in it. That's like, totally it." Said Poland.

Ciel laughed.

"HAHAHA! Really now? And I suppose Sebastian is cousins with that one over there!" He pointed to America who was shoveling burgers and soda into his face hole.

"Man do I love me some dairy-smothered beef and a good carbonated sugar-bomb!" Yelled the blonde.

"THAT'S IT!" Cried Prussia. "Dr. Pepper!"

I facepalmed.

"Well, actually, I did once meet a man during the revolution who was the cousin of a general and-"

"Argh! Is there anyone you don't know?!" Ciel bitched.

Lizzy looked up said man using the intergoogles and found some pictures.

"Oh my, he is rather adorable!" She giggled.

Sebastian sighed. "I'm quite used it by now."

"A-am I an annoying fangirl?" I asked timidly. He smiled at me. "Of course not my lady; you are a very good…friend." He had to think about the word for second.

"Yay." I chirped.

"Inspiration, you say? I like that!" Grell smiled wearing his new threads that he and Marly probably used the studio credit card to purchase. Looks like Trinnean won't get that bonus after all…OH WELL SOUNDS LIKE A PERSONAL PROBLEM TO ME.

"Sure? I can't refuse a dance." Alois beamed. I steamed. (A/N: AND THAT RHYMED!) I was admittedly a bit…jealous that she was dancing with Alois and I wasn't.

My temporary jealousy turned to pleasure as I watched my biffle steal one of my arch (A/N: VOCAB.) nemesis' most needed things: glasses.

"That was a long one…that's what she said…" I complained.

"Our NEXT review comes from…Godly." Kassie said through clenched teeth.

"Oh come on it can't be THAT bad." I assured.

**godly- IM NOT A DOUCE  
Luna- true your a jac*a** dad  
godly- ya ya. Jenna Kassie i wont be a jerk to you but the others dont count right*slight smirk*  
Prussia: AWSOME SHOW WITH ME*rips shirt off reveling 6pack*  
America: you want to be the hero? find slenderman.  
Sora: dude did you a least buy a ring?  
Luna- where is Xyler anyway  
godly- dont know dont care  
(meanwhile in another world)  
xylter- come on Xalun i want to see my new lady friend Jenna  
Xalun- no mom will kill you  
Xylter- how would she find out?  
Xalun- she always catches you trying to get it on with other women remember Xion?  
Xylter-*shakes* note to self dont try to make out with girlfriends sister  
(in main review)  
Xemnas: Your name is now Ansem2 or Darth Mansex  
Xion: you and kiari death match now. dont worry Kassie still has the revival button in you ask the anwser i think  
godly- next is-*Russia runs in and locks the doors* Berialus again?  
Russia- yes  
godly-*sighs* fine you can stay here but no bothering the others  
Aqua: who are you in love with  
Jenna: tell us your most embaressing secret  
Luna- answer or i bring Jason here  
godly- maybe the threas should stick with me since your keeping order  
Luna- fine  
Poland: do a gig  
Riku Vexen Zexion and Axel: rob fort Nocx  
Lexaeus: 1 hour head start to fort Nocx where you wil defend it  
Stein: you will face Larxene surgery{ask Kassie}  
Luna- should be enough for now  
godly- fine**

I was the first to complain. "Oh yeah dude, others TOTALLY count."

The "Awesome Show" was just godly and Prussia German sparkle-partying and naming things that were awesome…

"AW YEAH! IMMA GO FIND SLENDY! WHO'S COMIN' WITH?!" America screamed.

"We are!" Kassie and I yelled.

Kassie dragged Zexion along.

*Some random forest.*

"Holy shit why did I let you talk me into this?" I whisper-yelled at Kassie.

"What? I didn't talk you into anything!" She whisper-yelled back at me."

"I know…"

So there we were. Four brainless, scared beyond imagination, unarmed, youths looking for the scariest urban legend I can think of.

With seven pages out of eight, it was a miracle we were still alive.

_DA-DUM! DA-DUM! DA-DUM! _

Suddenly the drumming became louder.

"How the fuck is there a soundtrack?" I asked my companions.

America, the one holding the flashlight, stopped.

The three of us behind him stopped breathing.

"Guys…the batteries are dying…" He stated matter-of-factly. The light left. "O-kay~ the batteries are dead."

"Wait! It's okay, I brought more! I thought this fucker would crap-out on us so I packed extra! I exclaimed triumphantly.

"Thank god! What would we do without you?" Kassie asked.

"Die slowly and painfully in the woods?" I half-joked. I knew if they were gonna die in the woods it would be quick because Slenderman would get them…aw shit I forgot about him.

"_Actually_," Zexion said. "The only reason godly dared us to do this is because he was able to review the show and the only reason he is able to do that is because there _IS_ a show. A show in which she," He pointed to me, "Created. Which technically means this is all her fault." He finished,

"Do you _like_ dying, Zexion?" I asked.

Suddenly America broke up what was soon to be a fight by exclaiming, rather loudly,

"Got it!" He shined the flashlight straight ahead.

MISTAKE.

Sitting at a small white table with fancy white-washed iron chairs was Slenderman and Bigfoot sipping Chamomile tea and discussing politics.

"Yes but you see, I believe that they would've been MUCH better off if they had chosen to elect 'The Rent is Too Damn High' Party." Slendy told Bigfoot. Bigfoot nodded in acknowledgement.

We all screamed in terror and so desperately wanted to run away but alas, our legs would not allow us.

Slenderman looked up at us.

"Huh? Oh, hey. Lookin' for this?" He asked holding up the eighth page.

We all nodded very slowly. He got up and walked over to us. Well…I ASSUME he walked. He kinda just popped up next to us and scared the living poo out of us.

"Here ya' go." He said. I'm not exactly sure how he did say that since he doesn't have a mouth…or face for that matter-of-fact…

*Back at the studio*

Since we beat the game and grabbed the eighth page we got teleported back to the studio but unfortunately, because Slenderman HANDED the page to us, when we came back, he was still attached to the other end of it.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Screamed basically everyone who wasn't us.

"No! No guys, he's cool! Everybody chill!" I assured them. As their heart-rates slowed, Slendy formally introduced himself.

"Hey people. Sorry if I frightened ya' there. My name is Slen D. Mann, otherwise known as Slenderman. I'm totally cool if you guys are. But if try to attack me, I'll have to kill you."

All were silent.

"Nah! I'm just kidding...or am I?" He chuckled.

Everybody nervously laughed.

"Well, since he is our new guest, we should give him a warm Confessions-style welcome!" I announced.

"What, you mean pulling his pants off and hanging him upside down from the ceiling while covering him in tequila, lime juice, and hot sauce?!" Still teenage Xigbar shouted.

I stared at him oddly.

"Xigbar, what party did you go to?" I asked.

"I really don't know!" He laughed.

I rolled my eyes in frustration with these amateurs.

"NO YOU NINNIES! We do THIS!" The 'APPLAUSE' sign started to flashed and the crowd went wild.

"ANYWAY! BACK TO THE REVIEW!"

"What? What ring?" Sora asked. "Dude I might be 16 but she's only 14! She wouldn't be allowed to get married even if her parents let her!"

"Oh yes. Thou art so original whence torturing me." Darth Mansex bitched rolling his eyes.

"Uh, yeah, no death matches today or EVER," I explained, "Because I'd have to pay Trinnean overtime to clean up all the blood."

"Who do I love?" Aqua asked innocently. She looked at Terra then at Ven and shook her head.

"Embarrassing secret? I don't have any of those..." *._.* I answered.

Poland got on some awesome wooden clogging shoes and a jig he did.

Riku, Vexen, Zexion, and Axel got on their spy gear and headed for Fort Knox in Kentucky.

Lexaeus, however, was already there and easily defeated the four. It didn't take much. Riku was smart and left because he didn't want to get the fuck beaten out of him, Vexen is a spaztastic weakling, Zexy is tiny compared to Lexaeus, and Axel is a hot-headed moron and easy to tire out in five minutes.

"What the fuck is Larxene surgery?" I asked. "It sounds painful and scary…"

"It is." Kassie answered.

"Really? I just thought it would be the type of surgery Larxene had most recently. A sex change!" Axel joked obviously not wanting to be alive anymore.

Larxene grabbed the fire-crotch by the neck and dragged him into the sound proof room down the hall.

"Well whatever it is I'm sure Kassie wouldn't want her pedo-scientist to endure it."

She hugged him closely and nodded feverishly.

"The next review will be read by Lizzy 'cause you've pretty much been ignored this entire chapter…" I said.

"Alright this next review is from Animederp101, or Lexi!"

**my life is now complete :)**

for now... O.o

"…What?" Lizzy pondered.

"Um…okay? You can read the NEXT next review." I told her.

"Yes! And this review comes from PropertyOfDemyx, or Samantha!" She chimed.

**What? Pinkie Pie is much better than Fluttershy. Fluttershy is Reece's fave. Also, Poland, it isn't you, it's me, but it's mostly you.**

Guess what?

YOU LOST THE GAME.

Kassie: you lost the game just now. Stop doubting yourself. I didn't use doubting right but nobody cares.

That was a long chapter and I apologize for not reading all of it.

Besides, I am not in the right mindset to come up with witty dares, brosif joseph.

I did read the parts where I am in love with a fictional character, so that's cool I suppose! 3

I CANNOT THINK!

Frick.

Oh yeah, I feel like I was four when I wrote that old review. Embarrassed everytime.

"WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE?!" I shouted. "TWO GOOD, FUN REVIEWS AND THEN WHAT?! FIRST LEXI SAYS PRETTY MUCH JACK SHIT AND THEN SAM MAKES ME LOSE THE GAME DAMNIT I LOST THE GAME!"

Out of breath and completely fed up I went to the vending machine for some sweet liquid relieve. It's my go-to revival juice:

HOT CHOCOLATE BITCHES.

Yes, hot chocolate from a vending machine damn you, and you'd better believe it's fucking amazing.

"Bitch didn't even read the epic battle part!" I whined. "Damn fanservice chaser…Somebody just read the next review damnit…" It took three Black Butler boys *COUGHCOUGH**NOTCLAUDE**COUGHCOUGH!* to calm me.

**Since I have nothing better to do, I thought of these...  
Sora: If every singe organization member was about to be dropped in a pit of lava, and you could only save one of them, who would it be?  
Ciel: What are your favorite hobbies that nobody knows about?  
Alois: Dress up someone in the room however you please. then jump on their backs and make them your personal pony for the day  
Namine: Show EVERYBODY what's really in that little ****notebook**** of yours. all of it  
America: What is your deep personal opinion of the color chartreuse?  
Trinnean: give me some tea. now. and not something that sucks. i want GOOD QUALITY TEA.  
Sebastian: QUICK! A CAT IS STUCK UP A TREE AND YOU HAVE NO BONES. WHAT DO YOU DO?**

tis all for now :)

Glad to know I'm just "back-up" if you're about to blow your brains out from boredom.

"One? Well, since Roxas is a part of me and also he technically quit the Organization, I'll count him out, so…Axel."

"Boo-yah!" Cheered Axel.

"What?!" Cried Marluxia. "Why him? He's a dick!"

"But he really cares about both Roxas and Xion who happened to come from me." Sora explained.

"Why should I _**ever**_ tell you what I do in my sparse spare time?!" Ciel snapped.

"But I could get Claude to do that for me anytime I want!" Alois protested. Claude silently prayed to Satan that Alois didn't pick him. "Hmmmm…c'mere Trinnean!" He dressed him up as giant parakeet and rode around on his back.

"WHEEEE!" Alois exclaimed in a high-pitched voice, throwing his arms in the air above Trinnean's head.

"Wheee." Stated Trinnean blandly.

Namine opened her note book and showed all the pics she had drawn over the years of Sora and Donald and Goofy and Roxas and all their adventures.

America deadpanned.

"WTF is chartreuse?" He asked.

"Here you go "your majesty." He said sarcastically handing her Earl Grey with a teenage boy on his back.

"Kid you are breaking my fucking spine here dude." He bitched.

"Too bad." Said Weezy.

"No bones, you say?" Sebastian, for once, actually realized what kind of crowd he was dealing with and gave the answer he assumed fit the show. "I'd just have to use my demon mind powers." There was approval from the crowd meaning he had done exceptional with his answer.

"NEXT REVIEW!" I called still boiling my pot over a bit from earlier.

"Next review," Said Stein from his chair, "Is BritneyBelowZero, or Britney!"

"YAY!" I cried happily.

**Oh my god, I totally know where that quote came from! I believe the answer is Tommy Boy, correct?  
Okay so here are some things I loved:  
Xemnas' story  
Olde timey speak  
British words  
Pokémon battle of extreme accuracy  
Stealing Robert Downey Jr.  
Axel and Roxas' abreviation speak.  
And OH so much more!  
I CAN DIE HAPPILY LOL**

Xem: Sorry about your hand man...  
Xig: Hey since your thirteen now or whatever, wanna go out?  
Xaldin: *locks in cage* good luck gettin' out mister!  
Vex: What if I said Blargen fadidle nochlep?!  
Lex: Do you know about the bird? WELL Britney's gonna tell you about the bird!  
Zexion: I need you to act like a valley girl for the rest of the chapter sir. Can you do that for me? BTW if you don't know what that is just act like Poland!  
Saïx: If your hungry my friends owns a nice little sush- shooba habba sha shabba shabba WAAA RAW FISH! XDDDDD  
Axel: You and Roxas must speak in te t language the ENTIRE rest of the chapter!  
Demyx: PORN  
Luxy: Sowry I made you lose the game. You just lost the game...damnit I just lost the game.  
Marly: Can you rant about milk now?  
Larxene: Awesome XD  
Roxas: WELL then!  
Xion: So, do you like anime?  
Nami: I am NOT going to bug you about what you draw in your **notebook**** okay? But I AM going to bug you about the colors that you wear.  
Sebby: YOU DIDN'T ACT LIKE AN AMERICAN DXXXXX WAHHHH!  
Grell: I LOVE your style sense!  
Robert: HEYYYYYYY!  
Trinnean: You do you think you get treated like an indentured servant?  
Well hyukhyukhyuk, that's all folk's!**

"Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner! Nobody ever participates in my quote trivia!" I whined.

"I thanketh thee for thine sympathy." Xemnas babbled.

"Um…who are you?" Xigbar asked.

"What the hell?" Xaldin shouted from his tiny little cramped cage.

"You like to shout random things at me, don't you?"

"NO that's a SpongeBob quote, dumbass." Kassie pointed out.

"Thank you!" I said.

"And how on EARTH was I supposed to know that?" Vexen asked.

"I love SpongeBob, asshole!" I snapped.

"PLEASE GOD DON'T! DO NOT START WITH THAT MOTHERFUCKING DISASTERPIECE!"

"Like, totally okay!" Answered Zexy.

"Fishy!" Barked Saïx Puppy.

"O.K." Axel and Roxas said.

"Hey wait, Axel…I though Larxene killed you?" I questioned.

"Ya but I M O.K now."

*O.O* "What's a 'porn'?" Demyx innocently asked.

"FUCK YOU AND ALL YOU'RE WORTH WOMAN!" We yelled at her for making us lose the game AGAIN.

"NEW RULE!" I shouted. "NEXT PERSON TO MAKE US LOSE THE GAME OTHER THAN ME JUST NOW GETS KICKED OUT OF THE SHOW FOR AN ENTIRE CHAPTER. AND AM 100% SERIOUS PEOPLE! THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO REVIEWERS!"

Marluxia took a deep breath for ANOTHER cow-related rant.

"UGH! I SO do not get milk! It's liquid that is made by cows that comes out of icky UDDERS WHICH ARE BASICALLY LIKE THE NIPPLES ON BOOBS. COW BOOBS. COW BOOBS' MILK. AND WE FUCKING DRINK THIS SHIT YOU GUYS! MAJORLY EW! And I mean cows are NOT the only animals that produce milk. EVERY mammal does it! Dolphins, yaks, goats, sheep, horses, pigs, HUMANS. Yeah people, HUMANS. I mean, haven't you ever wondered what Jenna's rack is for? Even in comparison to her, Namine's tiny titties can and WILL produce milk that we have basically all had. From our mothers. THAT is what breast feeding is. You sucking on your mother's nipples TO DRINK HER BODY JUICES. Like it's fine if you're young and in love like Jenna and Sora so they suck on each other's nipples as much as they want during whatever weird sex stuff they do. SO THERE. If you threw up during this rant that means you've been LISTENING ASSHOLES!" He sat back down in a huff and turned to us.

"Well, now I can never drink milk again, so thanks for that. Curse all those lactose-intolerant bastards." Marly puffed.

"Yes," Replied Xion. "I DO like anime."

"Why?" Asked Nami-Chan innocently. "What's wrong with the color white?"

"HAHA OOPS sorry dude." Sebastian replied in a way that was just so….America.

"Oooaah~! That's the second compliment today!" Grell giggled.

"Hi." Robert said all muffled-like.

"YES." Bitched Trinnean with Alois still atop his back.

Unexpectedly, Slenderman spoke up.

"Hey where's the bathroom in this place?"

"The closest bathroom is three floors down make a right at the neon sign then keep going diagonally. Make a left at the alligator that sings show tunes. I reach the giant bongo drums you've gone too far." I explained.

"Thanks." He said.

"Oh! And also, if you can, look for Rena. We haven't seen her in weeks…"

"Wait, was she the older, loud one?" He asked.

"Yeah…how did you…know that…?"

"…OOPS." And with that, Slendy disappeared and his search for the bathroom was on.

"Well, whilst he's using the lavatory shall we continueth on to the next review?" Darth Mansex asked.

"Sure?" I answered.

"Next review's from a regular reviewer, Randomfan!" Alois read while STILL on top of Trinnean/Parakeet.

**OMG! Robert! *hugs him* can you get the other actors from The Avengers on this show?  
Xemnas: Mansex! Mansex! Mansex!  
Xigbar: Jack's monkey is coming for you.  
Xaldin: Here's your Beast Heartless! Call it whatever you want!  
Vexen: *kicks in the groin*  
Lexaeus: You need to talk more.  
Zexion: Reenact a scene from ****Fifty Shades of Grey****.  
Saix: I blew up the moon, sorry...  
Axel:*unleashes fan girls on him* RUN!  
Demyx: Sing the Demyx Time theme song.  
Luxord: No poker!  
Marluxia: You are gay!  
Larxene: Kiss Axel!  
Roxas: I trapped you in an anime convention.  
Xion: Kiss Riku!  
Sora: Kiss Kairi!  
Riku: I name you the king of ninjas!  
Kairi: Win Sora back!  
Namine: Save Roxas and kiss him.  
Terra:*shoves ****Anakin Skywalker**** in front of him* You two are gonna be the best of friends!  
Aqua: Kiss Terra!  
Ven: Battle Roxas.**

"MOAR Avengers? Dealing with THIS one is enough in itself!" I pointed at Robert.

"Hey!" He called angrily.

"Honestly, must thine calleth me that?" He asked.

"WHO THE HELL IS JACK?! Wait…is that the kid with the nipple monkey?"

"Yes." I smiled.

Xaldin smiled as well. It is NOT a good thing when Xaldin smiles.

Vexen dropped to the ground.

"How many times has this happened in the show?" I asked Kassie.

"At LEAST three." She replied.

"Okay. I'm talking more now? Happy?" Lexaeus asked Randomfan.

"Like, what? Reenact? Like, you mean with, like, Kassandra?! She's like TOTALLY too young for THAT!" He protested.

I reckon if'n it wasn't for him being in Saïx Puppy mode, he woulda choked Randomfan to death.

"STOP! DEMYX TIME!  
Hutal Hutala Hutala Hey  
Playing my sitar everyday  
Hutala Hutala Hutala Ho  
Won't stop playing, no no no  
Faster and faster fast it goes  
Playing the sitar with my toes  
Hutalahey Hutalahey  
Hutalahey, oh  
Oheyoh  
I like my sitar  
I like my sitar  
I play the sitar, sitar  
Wherever I go  
Oheyoh  
I like my sitar  
I like my sitar  
I play the sitar, sitar  
Wherever I go  
Oheyoh  
I play the sitar, sitar  
Wherever I go  
Oheyoh  
I play the sitar, sitar  
Wherever I go  
Hutal Hutala Hutala Hey  
Play my sitar night and day  
Hutala Hutala Hutala Ho  
Conect it to my stereo  
Faster and faster fast it goes  
Playing the sitar with my toes  
Hutalahey Hutalahey  
Hutalahey, oh  
Oheyoh  
I like my sitar  
I like my sitar  
I play the sitar, sitar  
Wherever I go  
Oheyoh  
I like my sitar  
I like my sitar  
I play the sitar, sitar  
Wherever I go  
Oheyoh  
I like my sitar  
I like my sitar  
I play the sitar, sitar  
Wherever I go  
Oheyoh  
I like my sitar  
I like my sitar  
I play the sitar, sitar  
Wherever I go  
Oheyoh  
I play the sitar, sitar  
Wherever I go  
Oheyoh  
I play the sitar, sitar  
Wherever I go  
Faster and faster fast it goes  
Faster and faster fast it goes  
Faster and faster fast it goes  
Playing the sitar with my toes  
Hutalahey Hutalahey  
Hutalahey, oh  
Oheyoh  
I like my sitar  
I like my sitar  
I play the sitar, sitar  
Wherever I go  
Oheyoh  
I like my sitar  
I like my sitar  
I play the sitar, sitar  
Wherever I go  
Oheyoh  
I like my sitar  
I like my sitar  
I play the sitar, sitar  
Wherever I go  
Oheyoh  
I like my sitar  
I like my sitar  
I play the sitar, sitar  
Wherever I go  
Oheyoh!"

We clapped for DemDem's beauteous performance.

"OMG G2G RUN FRUM FANGRLZ C U L8R!" Axel tore ass down the hallway trying to escape those rabid mutants of mother nature.

"Damn…" Luxy cursed.

"Am NOT!" Marluxia yelled defensively.

"Ew, no." Larxene responded.

" w cr p." He disappeared in a puff of smoke and was sent to Holiday Matsuri! Lucky bastard…I didn't get to go…

"But I don't WANT to…" Xixi complained.

"Why would I want to do that?" Asked Sora.

"Sorry dude, Ciel's king of the ninjas from the LAST episode…" Riku admitted.

"What? Why would I want to do that for? I only used to like Sora when we were little. I'm not the jealous type. If Sora and Jenna are happy together then I'm happy for them. Plus ever since Kassie told Poland and I to become friends earlier, I…kinda have a thing for him." She explained sweetly. I hate her for being so nice. Of course, if she WASN'T so nice I'd have to deal with her always trying to steal my SoSo…

Namine sprang into action and rescued Roxas. But Namine didn't want to kiss him so she didn't.

"If I kissed him then Jaxenn wouldn't want to be friends with me anymore for kissing her boyfriend…" She told Randomfan.

Terra looked at Aniken before I sent him out of my studio.

Aqua blushed and shook her head nervously.

"Actually, I don't think I'm gonna. Roxas still looks pretty beat p from the anime con! Hahaha!" Ven said with a laugh.

"Hey am I too late to read the last review?" Slenderman said coming out of nowhere and literally scaring the PISS out Robert Downey Jr.

"Trinnean, clean up on aisle Robert!" I called making myself.

"Trinnean raced over as fast as he could with a blonde, fourteen-year-old, earl on his back to clean up Robert the big baby.

"Be our guest, Slendy."

"Our final review of the night comes from SorKai Fan…

**Xemnas:MANSEX!  
Xigbar:Get revenge on Terra  
Xaldin:Shave, you werewolf!  
Vexen:*kicks in the groin*  
Lexaeus: Talk more!  
Zexion: Everyone can call you Sexy Zexy!  
Saix: You can't see the moon!  
Axel: Ask Larxene out!  
Demyx:Play your sitar!  
Luxord:*steals his wallet*  
Marluxia: You're gay, flower boy!  
Larxene:I hate you...  
Roxas:Sing Me Against The World!  
Xion:Kiss Riku!  
Sora/Kairi: Get back together!  
Namine:Kiss Roxas!  
Robert:*hugs tightly* You rock, man!  
Jenna: Invite the following onto the show to join the crew: Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner, and Tom Hiddleston.**

"Dude, you sure you aren't the same person as before?" Asked Slenderman noticing a trend in the two reviews.

"I promise that I shall start to keepeth a list of how many time thou calleth me the dreaded name Mansex." He whined.

"Naw man, Terra's cool now. Plus, the ladies LOVE the eyepatch." Xigbar explained.

"Wait a moment," Ciel interrupted, "Girls actually _like_ your eyepatch?"

"Awww! Ciel! I love your eyepatch!" I cried.

"Really?" He asked.

"Of course. You're so cute in it!" I told him. He smiled cutely.

"Why thank you!" He said.

"You are SO welcome." I responded.

"NO." Xaldin pouted in his cage.

Vexen hit the ground once again.

"Wow, two in one chapter?" I asked Kassie.

"That's a new record…" She said.

"I'm never going to have children…" Vexen whimpered.

"Pssh! Not with THAT haircut you won't." I fessed.

"I already said that I was gonna talk more! Come on people. DON'T make me do Marluxia's earlier rant about milk again!" Lexy threatened.

"NO! NO. Don't do that!" I said. "There is NO NEED for those words to EVAR be repeated.

"Like, puh-lease! They already do that!" Said Sexy Zexy valley girl.

"Yeah, so um Saïx Puppy can only really bark right now, but he told me to tell you that he's too busy not caring…" I told Sorkai Fan.

"Ya, NO. IDC 4 her. Not h ppening." Axel answered.

Demyx played 'I Hate Everything About You' by Three Days Grace

"Hey, where the hell's my money?!" Shrieked Luxord.

"UGH OMG I AM SO NOT GAY!" Marly shouted.

"Whatever, asshole." Larxene snapped.

"Who's it by?" Roxas asked.

"Um I'd rather not…" Xion said.

"We were NEVER together!" They said simultaneously.

"Sorry, but I already said I wasn't going to…" Nami answered.

"Yeah, hi, would somebody just untie me already?" Robbie bitched.

"No~." I told him in a sing-song voice.

He rolled his eyes at me.

"Sorry," I told Sorkai Fan. "But I can't invite anymore people.I already have Stein, Lizzy, Ciel, Sebastian, Alois, Claude, Poland, Prussia, America, the newly stolen Robert Downey Jr., AND Slenderman. And P.S. if ya' haven't heard, we "lost" Rena!"

"Well I believe that wraps up the show quite nicely." Kassie said.

"Not quite." I told her. "We're gonna have a holiday party and count down to the new year!"

Everyone cheered.

At the party we had DJ Slen Da Man spinnin' tracks all night long, punch, alcohol for the OLDER party-goers, food; needless to say IT ROCKED.

We all stood in front of the T.V. and watched the brightly-colored ball start to descend on screen as we counted down.

"FIVE!"

"FOUR!"

"THREE!"

"TWO!"

"ONE!"

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" We all cheered merrily as people all throughout the crowd kissed and hugged and celebrated another wonderful year of being a giant, happy, family together. The night was young yet and the people were still full energy enough to last the whole night but I, and everybody else knew it was about time for me to end the show, at least.

"Well, it's been a WONDERFUL year for all of us here so READ AND REVIEW AND WE'LL SEE YA' REAL SOON!"

(A/N: Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukah! Happy Kwanza! Happy whatever holiday you celebrate! Have a good winter break and be safe. We all grieve for those in Newton, Connecticut and pray for them. Happy new year and guess what?! We didn't die! HA! I wanna say thank you to everyone who has supported and reviewed this year for ANY of my stories positive OR negative and say how AWESOME you guys really are. I would like to say Happy Holidays to someone I hold dear in my heart who unfortunately, didn't review this chapter, and that would be Fanboy or Norbert. I always look forward to your reviews! Oh well! Happy Holidays and Happy new year to all! I love you all!

KTHNXBAI! :D)


	7. Temporary Chapter 7

Dear lovely fans of COTTN,

I AM SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED THIS STORY FOREVER! Between school and dance and being grounded, I just haven't had the time but now rhat my recital is this weekend, I'll have the rest of the summer to update freely! So expect a REAL update from this story within the next week or so! I'm sorry and once again I TRULY love you all!

Probably your least favorite person in the whole world right now, SoraPsycho.


End file.
